Sad beyond words...

[PullToEject]

I'm so sad - I saw her this past week and it was like watching a three year old scream "please don't leave me I'll be good, I'll be good" - I cried.  I think of what she must have gone through as a child to make her this way (abuse, the worst kind),  and am sad beyond words. 

[HealingForMe]

I'm so sad - I saw her this past week and it was like watching a three year old scream "please don't leave me I'll be good, I'll be good" - I cried.  

I'm so sorry you're going through that, my BPDexgf hasnt begged me to go back but she has cried "why did you leave, why, why, I dont understand" & that was hard so I can imagine the grief you are going through. It must be so awful  :'(

How long since the b/u?

This is a good song for your situation, Pink - Please Dont Leave Me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=eocCPDxKq1o

On one side, you have a beautiful woman begging you not to leave, she needs you, she knows she can be mean but "baby I don't mean it, I mean it, I promise". But watch the video & what she does to him... . he HAS to leave for his own safety.

Thats us. No matter how sad thay are or beg you to come back, remember the way you've been treated to bring you to the point of leaving. You deserve better. So while it is so sad the catch22 they are in (they need us yet push us away), its YOU that you must concentrate on.

My heart really goes out to you. Stay strong & know things will get better... .  

[maxsterling]

Honestly - I don't think I would still be in this relationship if not for those pleas.  And yep, it makes me sad beyond words.  My GF usually plays the guilt trip - that she was homeless once and she has nobody else, so if I break up with her she will be homeless again and it will be my fault.  Or that she will kill herself if we break up and it will be my fault.  Sometimes she has said this while screaming at me, other times when crying.  Most of this serious stuff was last summer before I knew about BPD, and now things have calmed enough that I can pull that damage off the shelf and examine it, and I'm slowly realizing just how much damage those statements and pleas were to me, and how I am having a hard time returning to the way I was before.  The weekly low-grade reinforcement statements don't help, either, and remind me those feelings are still within her: "I need you,"  "I' be lost without you,"  "you are my favorite."  In a healthy relationship, those statements might be flattering.  With a BPD, it means complete enmeshment = scary.

[Conundrum]

When I read posts like this I can definitely relate, but it makes me wonder whether we are afraid of them reaching rock bottom without us (whatever that may entail), or are we afraid of us reaching rock bottom without them?

I've been in that place before, but have accepted that I have nothing to offer another when it is dependent upon me saving them. It is an illusion.

[PullToEject]

Thanks to everyone for the comments.  Yes, that Pink song sums it up pretty well.  She has an ex-boyfriend that she is on good terms with, respects, and he is good to her.  He is a true friend to her too - he won't even come inside her house so has no "alternative" motives.   I only hope that her and I can transition to such a friendship someday.  I asked him how he broke up with her and apparently it was pretty terrible (she was hospitalized at least once) but somehow they were able to stay friends.  In the meantime, it just rips my heart out with her wanting to know "why" and knowing she feels unlovable.

[coolioqq]

I can certainly relate. My BPDexgf cried and begged me not to leave, and I was there until she stopped crying and calmed down. I should have been the one crying for what she did to me, but oh well... . It is heart-breaking for us who are truly compassionate, and I think that pwBPD are truly sad at those times too. The issue, I think, is the aftermath... . We continue to grieve; they get into the manipulation phase and try to capitalize on it... . That's some scary brain chemistry right there.