Unknown phone calls

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi,

I have been receiving "unknown" calls on my caller ID during the past week or so.  I answer and say hello and like two seconds later they hang up.  Is this more than likely my ex?  It started out a one here and there, than one a week, now it is one every couple of days. 

I get a feeling when I answer that it is her but I have no idea.  Did anyone else get these types of calls?

thanks,

TC

[Tincup]

Hi,

I have been receiving "unknown" calls on my caller ID during the past week or so.  I answer and say hello and like two seconds later they hang up.  Is this more than likely my ex?  It started out a one here and there, than one a week, now it is one every couple of days. 

I get a feeling when I answer that it is her but I have no idea.  Did anyone else get these types of calls?

thanks,

TC

[Dog biscuit]

Yep, I did recieve those two seconds calls, and only four people have my number of my landline... . I called three of them to check.if they called me with an anonymous number but they didnt. So, there was only one person left... .

The calls stopped since 1,5 week now, probably due to the new replacement aka former best friend.  :-)

Crazy stuff huh? Good luck. Change your number.

[Tausk]

Perhaps it's best to not answer.  If it's important, they will leave a message.  

  I can't tell from your post.  Are you hoping to recycle?  If so, maybe the staying board is a better place for you.

[Tincup]

No, I have allowed myself to recycle too many times. I am just hoping it all stops. I just got a text from her so I have a stronger feeling the unknown calls were her.  It has been almost 6 months since she broke up. Why won't she just go away?

[Tausk]

No, I have allowed myself to recycle too many times. I am just hoping it all stops. I just got a text from her so I have a stronger feeling the unknown calls were her.  It has been almost 6 months since she broke up. Why won't she just go away?

Why won't she just go away?  Because you've allowed yourself to be recycled too many times.

Every feed a cat on your back porch for a week straight.  It will come back for months and howl for milk even if you've moved away.

I see you've been on the board for five years.  What have your learned about the Disorder and your ex that can help you to detach?

[lipstick]

Hi Tincup,

Yup, it's her.  My ex tried to "Friend Request" me on Facebook after over a year of Silent Treatment from him.  I ignored it. He didn't like that - so I was blocked.

About a month or so after that - the "unknown" calls began. I have NEVER received them prior to this, other than one on my birthday back in October of last year (that was him, too - I'm sure!).  It seems to happen around events and or specific dates that would trigger him.

The latest one was just this past Tuesday. Two days before his 51st birthday. Never leaves a message. Perhaps just wants to make sure he still has some kind of "connection" to me? Don't know. It's tiresome.

Take care!

[Tincup]

Tausk-You are right that it happens because we had recycled so many times.  I also got a text from her yesterday that said "I was just thinking about you, how are you?"

You also asked me a very good question regarding what I have learned about the disorder and detaching from my ex during my five years here.  I have learned a great deal about the disorder.  I remember doing an internet search with what was happening with her and I got all hits on BPD and Bipolar.  Once I think I am doing well at detaching, I mean RIGHT WHEN I THINK I HAVE IT DOWN, she will contact me.  It is like she has a probe in my head that can tell when I get to the point of peace in my life.

Right at this moment I feel it is me that has a disorder.  How can someone still have a draw on me after 6 months?  I don't want her back, I don't want to be friends with her, I don't want to see her, I don't want to hear about her, I don't want anything to do with her at all.  Yet I am STILL thinking about her.  I swear I know what a dope addict feels like right now.  This is freaking insane and I know it.  One little text sets me back MONTHS. 

So after five years on this board RIGHT now I feel like I do not have any tools in my belt to detach from her.  I know I am probably over reacting a bit, but I really need to pull my head out of my rear end.

[corraline]

Hi

My experience with it i  recognize feels like this... .

Feel like i became addicted to the push pull cycle.

Im sure it gave me some kind of chemical rush.  I would go iinto abandonment when he would withdraw and then get angry and tell myself i wanted out anyway then he would slowly come back and i would almost get a feeling of "high" again when he came back then it was all amazing again... . great makeup sex , bonding, closeness etc.  It would stay that way for a while and start again.  This time its different as he started again and i withdrew but he has not participated in his usual dance. He hasnt tried to contact now for two weeks and altho i changed my number and have not engaged the emails for over a month i am feeing the pain of withdrawals almost like an addict. It feels surely like an addiction for me. I withdrew and changed my number bcause i was not wanting to slip back into the same old pattern and he was going there again... . nasty texts... . baiting... then hearts... sex texts... then goodbyes... then ll always love yous... . im happy we are broken up... im doing well... . good lucks... . goodbyes... . blah blah blah... . i needed to stop being triggered but here i am wanting that again... . soo.noot healthy

[Tausk]

Tausk-You are right that it happens because we had recycled so many times.  I also got a text from her yesterday that said "I was just thinking about you, how are you?"

You also asked me a very good question regarding what I have learned about the disorder and detaching from my ex during my five years here.  I have learned a great deal about the disorder.  I remember doing an internet search with what was happening with her and I got all hits on BPD and Bipolar.  Once I think I am doing well at detaching, I mean RIGHT WHEN I THINK I HAVE IT DOWN, she will contact me.  It is like she has a probe in my head that can tell when I get to the point of peace in my life.

Right at this moment I feel it is me that has a disorder.  How can someone still have a draw on me after 6 months?  I don't want her back, I don't want to be friends with her, I don't want to see her, I don't want to hear about her, I don't want anything to do with her at all.  Yet I am STILL thinking about her.  I swear I know what a dope addict feels like right now.  This is freaking insane and I know it.  One little text sets me back MONTHS. 

So after five years on this board RIGHT now I feel like I do not have any tools in my belt to detach from her.  I know I am probably over reacting a bit, but I really need to pull my head out of my rear end.

Hang in there.  The moment will pass.  From what I read, you're safe, and the crisis is emotional and not physical.

So do yourself to breathe and be in the moment.   Why have not blocked texts?  Do you have children together?  Is there a reason to have contact after six months NC?  I ask because, the texts and calls are obviously still triggering you and it appears that you are still very vulnerable.

I know, I allowed myself to be recycled for three years until I was able to break it off. So I'm not judging, just providing ideas.  Are you seeing a T?

I learned and learned and learned about the Disorder for years and still do. But the detachment and freedom started when I moved out of the FOG and looked at my FOO issues. 

Can you examine the emotion being still being attached.  These are good discussions here and with a T.

Keep at it. It will come.