post-BPD experience

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

There is clearly plenty of people on this board that successfully detached from their disordered exs and moved on with their lives. I'm curious about your post-BPD relationships. Did you manage to work on yourself after the break-up, become more self-aware? If so, did that improvement help in the next relationship, you had your boundaries, you respected yourself more? And maybe it helped you somehow 'filter' through people you met, avoid the ones you cannot be yourself around, but spending time with those that you feel good around?

I know that most of people that build a happy life leave this board, but there are so many users with great insights and healthy approach giving great advice. I'm pretty sure they could share a little about how they next realtionship(s) have gone.

I'm writing this in the leaving forum, not "building healthy relationships" because like many I'm still detaching.  Maybe not feeling ready to date yet but I learned a lot about myself thanks to my 1 year relation with undiagnosed exgf and this forum and to be honest I have a good feeling about the future. Are there any stories any of you would like to share? Are you still far from being emotionally available? Did you find a partner and enjoy being with him/her while feeling free and respected? Or maybe you fell for another abusive person? Or maybe you just haven't met anyone special? If there are people with post-borderline experience, I would be happy to read some stories.

[johny07]

There is clearly plenty of people on this board that successfully detached from their disordered exs and moved on with their lives. I'm curious about your post-BPD relationships. Did you manage to work on yourself after the break-up, become more self-aware? If so, did that improvement help in the next relationship, you had your boundaries, you respected yourself more? And maybe it helped you somehow 'filter' through people you met, avoid the ones you cannot be yourself around, but spending time with those that you feel good around?

I know that most of people that build a happy life leave this board, but there are so many users with great insights and healthy approach giving great advice. I'm pretty sure they could share a little about how they next realtionship(s) have gone.

I'm writing this in the leaving forum, not "building healthy relationships" because like many I'm still detaching.  Maybe not feeling ready to date yet but I learned a lot about myself thanks to my 1 year relation with undiagnosed exgf and this forum and to be honest I have a good feeling about the future. Are there any stories any of you would like to share? Are you still far from being emotionally available? Did you find a partner and enjoy being with him/her while feeling free and respected? Or maybe you fell for another abusive person? Or maybe you just haven't met anyone special? If there are people with post-borderline experience, I would be happy to read some stories.

[mapys]

Hi! This topic would be very interesting for me as well. Those who can, please share!

Thank you!

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Johny07,

In response to the questions posed in your first paragraph, "Yes" to all of the above.

I remain a work-in-progress.  I nearly destroyed myself emotionally, physically and financially in my marriage to a pwBPD, so I still have a long way to go to get back on my feet.  Yet I am happy to be on this journey, after many hellish years in an abusive situation.

Without getting too specific, I can report that there are kind, considerate and thoughtful people out there with whom I can be myself.  So I think you are right to have a good feeling about what's on the horizon.

A r/s with a pwBPD can be traumatic, so give yourself time to heal.  No need to rush it.  I think you'll know when you are ready for a new relationship, so pay attention to your gut feelings and strive to be authentic (something that is extremely difficult to do in a BPD r/s).

Hang in there,

LuckyJim