Pushing boundaries?

[R-u-kidding]

I'm feeling stuck and was hoping for some opinions. I've been NC with my mother for about 3 months now. She sends random emails about missing the grandchildren and that they wont remember her. She also likes to throw in that the reason I am NC with her must be because I "hate" her and that it is not fair that I teach my kids to hate her too. They don't even know what's going on, I'd never bad mouth anyone in front of them.

Anyway, I got an email the other day asking to drop off Easter goodies at the front door. I did not reply ( I never do) I got another email today saying she was going to come by on Sunday and leave them at the front door.

I've asked her not to bother me many times. Don't call, don't email, don't come by. Just give me my space.

Do you see this "leaving gifts for the kids" as a way of pushing boundaries? Part of me thinks this is just her way of trying to weasel in, but then I wonder if she's just trying to be nice. What are your thoughts. I'm feeling confused and stuck

[whippoorwill]

I'm new to all of this, but YES. I see this as her pushing your boundaries. You've clearly stated what you want, and she is doing what she wants, anyway, which is to get to your children with "presents" that most likely come with strings attached. If she gives them a "gift", then you will likely feel guilty about this-- about not allowing her to contact them. If you hold your boundary, she is hoping you will feel guilty about not letting her give her poor grandchildren her "gift". Either way, she is using your emotions to try to get what she wants. She is not respecting your wishes, which are to leave you and your kids alone and let you have the space you want and need.

[whippoorwill]

I forgot to say: if she was really being nice, she would respect your needs.

[inshock]

Is she a danger to your children?  If you are NC with her does that mean the kids need to be? Even though you haven't said anything mean about their grandmother the kids pick up on the trouble and may internalize it.

[strangerinparadise]

I would give those gifts right back. She's using your kids as leverage to get past the boundaries you set up. Forget that!

[R-u-kidding]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone! I think she could be a threat to my kids, she has moments where I think she has a dangerous temper and that could make her do irrational things. She threatens suicide many times and I have to be honest,  I worry about my kids being around her, as I don't know if it could go beyond herself.

[R-u-kidding]

I know she loves the kids, but for those reasons, until she can respect our boundaries and accepts them, I don't want the kids to be involved. I think it would be hard on them