Obsessed with sex

[TitaniumPhoebe]

I'm recovering from sexual trauma and my ex husband BPD was obsessed with sex and threw tantrums when he didn't get it. I thought I would never want sex again and started dating a guy that sort of woke my sex drive back up, but he started exhibiting BPD traits too and getting jealous and smothering and just acting childish and my sex drive disappeared again. Honestly I don't care much about sex and am still trying to heal from what has happened to me in my trauma and after marrying my uBPD xh I'm just not wanting to be bothered. I felt like a sex object.

[Lion Fire]

I can relate,

my ex put so much emphasis on sex that I shut down eventually. She would throw extreme tantrums and become emotionally violent if I wasn't in the mood all the time. For me there was always too much pressure and not enough safety. It was like sex was her tool and currency. That was the main catalyst that triggered her total dysregulation that ended in a juggernaut of blackmail, emotional abuse, harassment and a terminally wrecked relationship.

[BuildingFromScratch]

I suffer from the complete opposite from this. My exBPDgf had sex with me initially a ton. Then got me to pretend to abuse her, and even pretend to rape her (which I should not have done). And then once I got used to it completely rejected me sexually. Beat me pretty bad one time for looking at porn (when we weren't having sex) and would ask me if I was attracted to women and then freak out when I was honest. Along with bringing up a dream I had about sleeping with another woman for 10 freaking years, and took me to counseling to try to get me to never look at porn (which mind you, I wouldn't have if she actually slept with me). She also just kept getting all righteous about how wrong it was for me to be attracted to other women. This all culminated in 13 years of me having a sexual inner conflict, much like a gay person who is trying not to be gay would have. This ate me away at my core. I actually demanded sex, much like you guys describe. Because I wanted approval and was rather traumatized from all of this. But I do think it was wrong of me to demand sex. I would never have imagined demanding sex when I got into the relationship. This girl, like never wanted to have sex... . I think the only reason she ever did was to bait me into the relationship.

This being said, I hear most BPD's are sex manics.

[going places]

To be married to someone who views sex as they view a meal from Mc Donald's tends to make the other person involved feel cheap and used.

I have heard all the bull spit reasons under the sun for a porn addiction:

Because we're not having sex (but when we were like rabbits, he's still looking)

Because I am stressed out (but when things were wonderful, he's still M-er-ating)

Because the ads on the side of the screen lure me in... .

Save it.

Can it.

They are lame excuses for behavior that you do not want to change.

It's a sickness that literally and physically rewires the human brain.

And to (1) not take responsibility for your sickness (2) dump it / blame it on someone else?

That's just evil.

The book I am reading (which by the way is amazing, The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself (Fawcett Book) Paperback) talks about 'sex addicts'.

It is so unfortunate when sex is turned into some cheap act.

That is the one thing that is supposed to make the '2 into 1' in a deeper more spiritual, emotional sense.  When someone cheapens this gift or abuses it, it leaves deep scars on the one who invested themselves 100%.

[BuildingFromScratch]

I was beat for looking at porn and told not to find other women attractive. Even though I never ogled other women, I simply answered "yes". And you're scolding me? Don't bring your issues into mine. I didn't even look at porn for like a year, until this paranoid girl I was with shamed me for my sexual history and freaked out on me for simply having a dream about an actress. I was so ashamed I was taking 6 showers a day because I was disgusted with myself. Porn was my place to get sexual approval. Because she shamed me for simply having feelings, of which I didn't even indulge in! I think judgement is the most evil thing of all. Your judgement of me, her judgment of me. The worlds judgement of women which causes them to feel so insecure. I agree with you that having a close sexual bond with one person would be great. But men's sexuality does not turn off under most circumstances, it has to go somewhere... . either our imagination or porn. Trust me, I found this girl the most beautiful woman in the world! I told her that.  I'd also like to add that she'd freak out whenever a beautiful woman was in any of my video games or movies. It was totally insane what I put up with.