My exBPDgf told me to block her ex bf (a buddy of mine) from every forum of communication when we got together. She didn't tell me a lot apart from that he was a liar and she had made the biggest mistake of her life being with him. She called him a dreadful person, a sick sick man. I had my doubts but against my better judgement (ie. caught in her spell) I complied. He had moved to London a couple of years back and we had little contact. I found this suspicious after a while because whenever his name came up she was edgy and cagey. I had the feeling she was trying her best to keep us apart.
Something inside me wanted to reach out to him. He was a buddy and I was curious as to exactly what happened, particularly at the end of their relationship. I believe that extensive psychological and emotional battering from her had me doubting myself... . I needed some kind of confirmation to make complete closure.
I called him, he was delighted to hear from me and told me that he has wanted to speak to me since he heard that I was in a relationship with her. He said " dude, when I found out you were with her, I was really worried. You are a straight up cat and I knew she would rip you to pieces and was torn whether I should warn you"... .
We agreed on total confidentiality in our social circles and shared our experiences. let's just say they were almost identical apart from the fact that I had ended it with her in a few months and he had been dragged behind a car for almost a year. The emotional violence, extreme insults, sexual degrading, blackmailing with money, withholding his possessions, her sex issues, eating disorder, alcohol usage and general damage... . even the good things were a carbon copy, the marriage overtures, trying to fall pregnant, making me feel like a king etc... .
The only difference is that she physically beat him!
He informed me that she has had several serious suicide attempts as well.
He told me he was ruined in all ways after that relationship. She finally threw him out on the London streets at 4am after beating his face while he was sleeping. It took him a year to recover emotionally, physically and financially. He had extensive therapy for PTSD and has only recently got into a relationship.
Although the conversation was deadly serious, at one point we both burst out laughing at the situation
We spoke about some other stuff had more of a laugh and then committed to keep in touch.
The truth has set me free. Whatever doubts I had have been blown away.
I am truly grateful that I got myself out of this in a short time. I am scarred and bruised but I got off comparatively lightly compared to him.
I honestly don't know where I would have been without this board. I had no idea what I was really dealing with and I shudder to think of what could have happened to me.
