Has anyone been to Al-Anon Meetings?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I grew up with a uBPD mother, a uNPD father, and a sister who has recently been diagnosed with BPD.  To say my household growing up was out of control and toxic, would be an understatement.

By pure happenstance, I tagged along for an Alcoholic's Anonymous meeting with a member of my extended family.  Much to my surprise, a lot of their tools for living life, staying sane (and sober), and dealing with problematic people, REALLY resonated with me as skills that I had not learned growing up, that I VERY much needed!

Because I don't have an addiction problem, but I wanted to continue learning about all of this, I felt compelled to start attending Al-Anon Meetings (which is a 12 Step Program for family members and friends of alcoholics, as I do have some "qualifiers" in my family).  And WOW is it making a difference in my life!

I'm curious if anyone else has attended any of these meetings, and if they have any thoughts on:

How 12 Step Teachings relate to dealing with Cluster B PD's?

Growing up in a household with mental illness versus alcoholism -- differences or similarities?

Whether or not addiction plays a role in your pwBPD's life or your relationship with them?

If or how 12 Step principles have helped you?

Or any other thoughts on the topic?

Thanks very much. 

[G.J.]

I grew up with a uBPD mother, a uNPD father, and a sister who has recently been diagnosed with BPD.  To say my household growing up was out of control and toxic, would be an understatement.

By pure happenstance, I tagged along for an Alcoholic's Anonymous meeting with a member of my extended family.  Much to my surprise, a lot of their tools for living life, staying sane (and sober), and dealing with problematic people, REALLY resonated with me as skills that I had not learned growing up, that I VERY much needed!

Because I don't have an addiction problem, but I wanted to continue learning about all of this, I felt compelled to start attending Al-Anon Meetings (which is a 12 Step Program for family members and friends of alcoholics, as I do have some "qualifiers" in my family).  And WOW is it making a difference in my life!

I'm curious if anyone else has attended any of these meetings, and if they have any thoughts on:

How 12 Step Teachings relate to dealing with Cluster B PD's?

Growing up in a household with mental illness versus alcoholism -- differences or similarities?

Whether or not addiction plays a role in your pwBPD's life or your relationship with them?

If or how 12 Step principles have helped you?

Or any other thoughts on the topic?

Thanks very much. 

[Somewhere]

Sure.

Relatively deeply.

As my "qualifier" was already an Alcoholic, along with Cutting, then Dry, before relapsing, and then now back from Rehab for an Eating Disorder for about 16 months . . .  and she sort of half-asses AA, it is sort of a fit.  (was THAT confusing enough?) 

So I have been doing Alanon, and the kids in and out of Alateen.

Alateen gave them some good coping skills, as well.

Now I am finishing up my Steps, and been pretty regular on meetings for the last 20 months or so.

Is your question -- can it help you deal with the BPD issues inflicted on you, and how so?

If so, I would say Yes.

First they cover ":)etachment."  To get some distance, so the BPD cannot harm or at least reduces harm towards you.

Next is generally "Boundaries."  Sort of like a fence.  To keep their crap out of your yard. 

The Steps portion cleans up YOUR side.  Helps get YOUR mind right, and cleans out both their crap, and your crap.

After that, you will likely have a clear mind on how to best handle things.

[Lucky Jim]

Yes, I attended Al-Anon meetings after repeatedly finding empty bottles of liquor around the house that my BPDxW had secretly consumed.  I agree w/Somewhere; the detachment skills are quite useful and applicable in the context of BPD.  Plus, it's common for a pwBPD to have substance abuse problems, as they learn to self-medicate in order to calm their turbulent emotions.  It's a sad but frequent pattern for pwBPD.  I see no downside to attending Al-Anon meetings and found the handouts quite helpful in terms of dealing with the pwBPD in my life.  LuckyJim