recycled and sick of it

[bunnyrabit]

We broke up for the second time about 4 months ago. She decided one day, out of the blue to go and live with her mother. I never got any real explanation and her departure was arranged behind my back. The first few months I heard nothing from her, not a sign of life. It was a difficult and confusing time because of no closure, not knowing if this was a permanent break up or what. But being no stranger to these boards I decided that NC, also from my part, would be the best way to go.

The deadly silence from her part gave me the feeling that she rushed off into the arms (bed) of a replacement, like she always does. Then recently she started calling, telling me she missed me, crying, etc... So I ask her right of the bat, did you have someone else? She answered no. Then she asked if we could meet up, the fact that she did not have someone else in the mean time made me agree to this.

So we meet, and not very long in the conversation I ask her again, did you have someone else? And now, surprise, surprise, she answers, with a guilty look in her eyes, yes! She had a replacement straight away, it didn't work out of course, and after she broke up with him she comes crawling back to me. Because I believed her first lie, this news came in like a bomb shell. So now I have to deal with pain I should have dealt with months ago, if she had been honest to me.

I feel now that I have enough, I'm sick of being hurt and I feel so stupid for believing her in the first place, for keeping my mind and heart open to her, all based on her stupid lies. I can't grasp how you can do this to someone you're supposed to love. Is this something a normal person would do? My resolution now is to go completely NC until I am 100% over her, I don't want this woman back in my life even if she was the last woman on the planet. Wish me luck... .

[AG]

Good luck. I hope u heal well and wish u safe travels on ur new journey. Yes I agree with u I still dont understand theyre backstabbing ways.  The running away seems to be the same theme of these parasites. Oh no Ive broken the cookie jar let me run to avoid the damage ive just done. Smh. Im sorry for your pain and sorry your going thru this. We all seem to have a similar theme on this forum. Caring people who get backstabbed for doing such a crime as loving and having compassion for people who most people toss in the trash. You made the right decision to go NC I wish I would have done that earlier but hey Im doing it now

[bunnyrabit]

Thanks for your kind reply AG. I know I'm making the right decision about NC but believe me, it's not the first time I made this resolution and failed miserably at it. She has this uncanny way to weasel herself back into my life right at the moment I'm starting to detach and the pain is starting to fade. But never before she had herself one or more replacements. It's like she can't be faithful but her trick is to break up first so nobody can blame her for cheating, but to me the pain feels just the same... .

[coolioqq]

Bunny, don't be hard on yourself. Call it for what it is - cheating. Telling a lie is cheating. Treat this conversation as closure that will help you detach from someone that does that to you. Take some consolation that the other guy (your replacement) is probably in the same boat, hurting as well. She will probably keep doing that. It's nothing personal - that's the way her brain works... .

You need to think about yourself and your own mental and emotional health. She showed you her true face now, once and for all... . Is that compatible with who you really are? If not, then you'll realize that detachment and NC are the way to go.

Good luck and take care.

[Narellan]

The pain is just the same because there's no closure in the true sense of the word. They won't do closure because they want to keep u hanging. When my ex sent a text saying "I just want to be friends, friendship goes in forever, relationships end" I replied " true" but we weren't friends. I loved him with every part of my being, and he reciprocated. In words and actions. Then the split and he begins pursuing my best friend within 2 days( ex best friend now)

I have no doubt he will be back. And if words are spoken I will struggle to not be charmed back. So I can't hear him beg and therefore NC is my only option. It's devastated me. I have no enemies in my life, my ex h and I have a great relationship. I hate having to erase people from my life but have been forced to with him and ex best friend for my own sanity and health. I can't imagine even an enemy treating me and hurting me the way these two most loved people in my life have behaved. It's been an excruciating life lesson. X

[bunnyrabit]

The pain is just the same because there's no closure in the true sense of the word. They won't do closure because they want to keep u hanging. When my ex sent a text saying "I just want to be friends, friendship goes in forever, relationships end" I replied " true" but we weren't friends. I loved him with every part of my being, and he reciprocated. In words and actions. Then the split and he begins pursuing my best friend within 2 days( ex best friend now)

I have no doubt he will be back. And if words are spoken I will struggle to not be charmed back. So I can't hear him beg and therefore NC is my only option. It's devastated me. I have no enemies in my life, my ex h and I have a great relationship. I hate having to erase people from my life but have been forced to with him and ex best friend for my own sanity and health. I can't imagine even an enemy treating me and hurting me the way these two most loved people in my life have behaved. It's been an excruciating life lesson. X

oh yes, I got the 'let's stay friends' bs too, only I didn't know friends were all flirty with each other when they meet up and telling them how they miss their past relationship. They'll just try anything to keep you from really detaching and it's like they can smell it when you are.

NC from my part isn't that hard, it gets easier as time goes by. It is in fact just a stupid habit/addiction to reach out to that one person and the less you give in to it the less you feel like doing it. But like you, I know she'll be back and that's what scares me most, because no matter what, seeing her will always rip open some old wounds... .

I was doing relatively fine these last weeks, I meet up with her once and I feel like I was hit by a freight train. I haven't eaten in days, I can't sleep, my heart is racing and I feel sometimes like I'm going to pass out of sheer panic.

[Narellan]

I know exactly how you feel. It's really like a heroin addiction. It's when we feel better and stronger that we feel the pull to break NC the most. I think yes I'm feeling better and stronger, I can handle a glance at his FB page. And bam, straight back into despair. I truly understand the importance of strict NC to heal.

Thinking of you x

[bunnyrabit]

Bunny, don't be hard on yourself. Call it for what it is - cheating. Telling a lie is cheating. Treat this conversation as closure that will help you detach from someone that does that to you. Take some consolation that the other guy (your replacement) is probably in the same boat, hurting as well. She will probably keep doing that. It's nothing personal - that's the way her brain works... .

You need to think about yourself and your own mental and emotional health. She showed you her true face now, once and for all... . Is that compatible with who you really are? If not, then you'll realize that detachment and NC are the way to go.

Good luck and take care.

That's exactly how I'm taking this, as my long awaited closure. I've had this ultimatum in my mind all along. If she had slept with another guy, for the umpteenth time since I've known her, it's done and over with, if she had not I might have been a bit more patient and listened to what she had to say.

Too bad though that she was able to deceive me one last time and that she made me reset my NC counter to zero. Ah well, at least now I know and I can really start to detach and make a fresh start

[Narellan]

Well done bunny rabbit. Taking back your power 

[bunnyrabit]

Well done bunny rabbit. Taking back your power 

Yeah well, I feel about as powerful as a premature puppy right now but one day at a time I guess... .

Thanks very much for the love and support though, I feel that writing this crap off me is really helping

[Narellan]

Hahaha well that made me laugh which I needed today, so win win for both of us. I cling to whatever lightens my mood ATM . Starting to feel sh#t again tonight so I'm back on here for some reading.

[bunnyrabit]

Hahaha well that made me laugh which I needed today, so win win for both of us. I cling to whatever lightens my mood ATM . Starting to feel sh#t again tonight so I'm back on here for some reading.

Glad I could brighten up your day a little bit  I don't know why but I often use humor to deal with bad feelings. I seems that the more gloomy my situation, the more humor I can find in it. I guess it helps putting things a bit in perspective. Try not to feel too sh#tty tonight k? 

[Trent]

Good job bunny, it sounds like you know what needs to be done and you're committed to doing it, so stick to your guns.  I know it sucks, I'm 5 weeks 4 days NC, and most of my withdrawal symptoms have faded.  We deserve so much better.  Hang in there man   

[Narellan]

It really is starting to feel good to be feeling normal again. ( almost 8 weeks out for me )

[bunnyrabit]

It really is starting to feel good to be feeling normal again. ( almost 8 weeks out for me )

I'm really glad to hear that narellan, indeed 8 weeks is definitely a time after which we can start to feel some changes. And remember, it'll only get better and better as time goes by. I assure you, everything heals with time, just hang in there 

[bunnyrabit]

Good job bunny, it sounds like you know what needs to be done and you're committed to doing it, so stick to your guns.  I know it sucks, I'm 5 weeks 4 days NC, and most of my withdrawal symptoms have faded.  We deserve so much better.  Hang in there man   

Thanks for the support tc33 and congrats with your NC, 5 weeks going on 6 is not bad, not bad at all. Here's to taking our lives back 

[cosmonaut]

Too bad though that she was able to deceive me one last time and that she made me reset my NC counter to zero. Ah well, at least now I know and I can really start to detach and make a fresh start

Yes, you can make a fresh, clean start of things.  I'm sorry to hear that she deceived you again, and it sounds like this is not at all the first time.  I think you have seen how shallow her love really is, however, and that is a very important realization.  Don't be hard on yourself.  You didn't do anything wrong.

Make a fresh start.  Keep pushing forward.  You have a great attitude.  Keep going.

[bunnyrabit]

Too bad though that she was able to deceive me one last time and that she made me reset my NC counter to zero. Ah well, at least now I know and I can really start to detach and make a fresh start

Yes, you can make a fresh, clean start of things.  I'm sorry to hear that she deceived you again, and it sounds like this is not at all the first time.  I think you have seen how shallow her love really is, however, and that is a very important realization.  Don't be hard on yourself.  You didn't do anything wrong.

Make a fresh start.  Keep pushing forward.  You have a great attitude.  Keep going.

Thanks cosmonaut, this is my second BPDex so I have been through this whole process before and that's probably why I can be so optimistic, because I KNOW this 'll all be some vague memory one day, while I'm happily enjoying my new life. That's just how it is.

The first breakup I did without these boards though and without any knowledge of BPD and it was much harder and took much longer. So these boards really are a blessing and with all this new found knowledge I'll hopefully make a much better partner choice next time.