Over-analyzing their behaviors

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So, this weekend I broke NC after my uBPDxgf texted me, I let emotion get involved, and a fight ensued.  It ended Saturday morning, then this afternoon I got a text saying "I'm sorry if I was rude" (she blamed it on her menstrual cycle, but that's beside the point).

The point is: afterward I found myself thinking "Why is she apologizing?  Is she genuinely sorry?  Is she remorseful that she was rude? Is she just trying to make sure I stay around in some way?

And then I thought: why am I spending so much time thinking about this one six-word phrase?  At this point, I already know all I need to know about this person.  What possible additional information could I gain from figuring this out?

I realized that analyzing this comment to this degree was absurd, and I've been making an effort to forget about it since.  I'm wondering if any of you catch yourself doing this frequently, and if so, your thoughts on why you do it.  I suspect that I"m looking for some way to convince myself that she is not BPD, and I suspect that is because I don't want to confront that I was/am so enamored of such a person, i.e. I don't want to acknowledge my own pathology. 

[BacknthSaddle]

So, this weekend I broke NC after my uBPDxgf texted me, I let emotion get involved, and a fight ensued.  It ended Saturday morning, then this afternoon I got a text saying "I'm sorry if I was rude" (she blamed it on her menstrual cycle, but that's beside the point).

The point is: afterward I found myself thinking "Why is she apologizing?  Is she genuinely sorry?  Is she remorseful that she was rude? Is she just trying to make sure I stay around in some way?

And then I thought: why am I spending so much time thinking about this one six-word phrase?  At this point, I already know all I need to know about this person.  What possible additional information could I gain from figuring this out?

I realized that analyzing this comment to this degree was absurd, and I've been making an effort to forget about it since.  I'm wondering if any of you catch yourself doing this frequently, and if so, your thoughts on why you do it.  I suspect that I"m looking for some way to convince myself that she is not BPD, and I suspect that is because I don't want to confront that I was/am so enamored of such a person, i.e. I don't want to acknowledge my own pathology. 

[Pecator]

I have spent so much time here. I have learned so much here. I have grown quite a bit since I've been here.

Then your post knocks the hubris right out of me

Saturday I emailed my uBPDex on a housekeeping issue. She wrote back appropriately. But then she immediately sent another email with simply, "How are you?"

What does that mean?

She sent it in a separate email.

Does she really want to know?

Is this a chance to connect on a real level?

How should I reply?

When should I reply?

Give it time?

Reply quickly to show her you are still connected?

After six hours of analyzing I replied "I'm ok. How are you? How did S18 do in his race?


I got, "Out with S15 at (our favorite restaurant)... . I'm ok."


I even tried to manipulate this brief convo in to a phone call... . nothing.

Then I got my wits about me.


This, I think, is what they call bargaining. First part of the first lesson "healing" to the right of this post.

I have grown, but there is so much more to do.

Hang in there my friend. Keep working