Would appreciate opinions, please. :-)

[lipstick]

Hi all,

Looking for opinions / thoughts on something that has me curious.  It's Facebook related.

My exBPDbf has me blocked on Facebook. Since this past December. I wouldn't accept his Friend Request and I guess that was the wrong thing to do.,      Anyway - according to mutual friends, he has posted nothing since then. No activity.

A little background - one of our favorite places to go was a really pretty lake near my hometown. He has a house there and we spent a significant amount of time at this location. Anyway - yesterday afternoon I changed my FB cover picture to a gorgeous picture of this particular lake. I LOVE the picture and just felt like using it.  Well, a mutual friend was chatting with me today on FB and mentioned that the ex posted a status about the lake sometime late last night. Friend saw it this a.m...

It bothered me and made me think that my ex is checking out my FB page even though he seems to have "painted me black". I'm curious what you all think about this? I just don't believe it's a coincidence. He seems to go in six-month cycles of black / white. Do you think they still get curious about us? Even when they act like they hate us?

Thanks as always !  

[Love Is Not Enough]

Absolutely. Even if they are with someone new they are supposedly happy with they think about their past partners. I think it is some sort of never ending hamster wheel in their head trying to make logic out of all the stuff they make up. Since their history is so fluid I think they are always trying to rewrite it to try and hold on to their sanity. I don't think they ever really get over past relationships and they always have to keep them in their back pocket for future recycles when things start to cave in the current one.

My BPD-like ex wife just sent me a text just a few days ago going on about how karma had finally gotten her and she didn't want to play the game anymore. This was after hearing nothing from her in over a year and not physically speaking to her in YEARS. My friend thinks she is really regretting cheating on me now and wishes she was back with me. I think she is just having current rs or financial problems. I didn't respond and I don't really care anymore what is going on with her. Although I did check her FB for a clue  We all get curious I guess.

Ironically I was thinking recently I wish I had not divorced her. That in my current stronger state I could have gotten over the affair and handled her much better. Even though I still have a very strong dislike of my ex wife, my current BPDgf is a thousand times worse than she ever was.

So I guess the moral of that story is to not jump out of the frying pan and into the fire like I did. Don't let your curiosity get the better of you and make sure you have a plan in place if he contacts you.

[cosmonaut]

I wouldn't be surprised at all if he is keeping tabs on you.  From everything I understand, it is incredibly hard for pwBPD to let go of attachments.  Even if you are painted black, severing that attachment may be more than your ex can bear.  What you are describing is pretty common from stories here.  My own ex doesn't seem to be following this pattern, as far as I can tell, but many others do.

[lipstick]

Thank you both for your replies. Much appreciated.

Yes, I really didn't believe that his FB "posting" was a coincidence. To me, it felt like he was reacting to the pic that I put up on my own FB page. I called my mom for her opinion. She feels like he's coming out of his funk and is "interested" in what I'm up to again. I recently landed a very nice job working for a prestigious university, and he knows about this, as well.

He did this same sort of thing last year - was trying to get my attention thru FB with postings meant for me. Except he had sent me a message very early on in the year basically telling me to leave him alone. So I wasn't looking at his page. Was staying away. And I wasn't blocked at that time. So, who knows? It just confirms for me that he is still spying on me - yet keeping up the façade that I'm the Devil !   

My mom is convinced that he's going to just show up one day. My counselors tell me he will be back in touch when his "need" for me kicks in again. It's tiresome. I love him - but it has to be from a distance. I'm not built to deal with his disorder. And he's hurt me too much. No more.

[Vatz]

Funny you should say that. There was this guy, her ex, who she thought often and always let me know about it. I didn't always mind so much. Eventually though, it reached a point where I didn't really care to listen. According to her, this guy wasn't... . a particularly good partner. He was always jealous, kept her on the phone with him ALL day, and basically did and said some weird stuff. He would "test" her. I mean, I'm not really sure how much is true. But it did kinda sound like the guy wasn't a very good influence on her. Her mom actually did tell me that the guy did a bit of a number on her emotionally. Let's just say I have reason to believe he was a "dark shade of grey."

Anyway, she still kept wondering how he's doing. She wants to make sure he's alright and stuff. I've told her before that it was long since over with him and she needed to move on. But it never really sunk in, so I wasn't paying much attention when she talked of him after a while. So yeah, I guess they do wonder about exes even after it's over.

I'm wondering what she'll say of me to the next guy, I'm certain that I'm better off not knowing.

EDIT: It's quite possible that he's still curious about you. Perhaps it gives him a sense of control. You know? To still be friends, to stay in touch, is to have influence. To know what you're doing is information, and information gives one the knowledge on which to act. What they DO with the information is up to them, but that's what it's about, that it's up to *them.* Doing nothing means *choosing* not to. Being unaware is frightening to him, perhaps. Without that knowledge, he only has a void that was once you, and what you gave him.

But hey, I could be wrong. I've gradually developed this theory of control, the loss of it and how our thoughts and actions reflect a need for it. There's probably someone that wrote the book on that, but I ain't read it yet.