Messed up. uBPDso threatened to tell my family.

[misuniadziubek]

Last night  was skyping with my SO. He has a very strange fetish.I didn't realize his roommate was home. I mentioned sunwing we had done earlier that day. There is a chance his roommate didn't hear, and I'm trying to convince him what I said was too vague to out him. He flipped out and hung up on me. Told me he couldn't trust me enough to skype with me.

Today he tells me that if I still want to skype

the next time it happens, he is going to out me to my parents and friends.

[Perdita]

If he is so worried about personal information reaching the ears of his roommate, then why didn't he tell you the guy was around when he was Skyping with you?  He is putting the blame on you when in fact it was his own lack of judgment that has led to this. 

Sounds to me like he is trying to transfer his angst about the whole situation onto you.  I doubt he will tell on you, but his threat should be a  to you.  It is in fact you that can't trust him rather than the other way around.

[misuniadziubek]

He started up on how he can't trust me. How I promised last time not to do it. How I obviously don't care enough to think before I act. That maybe this will motivate me enough to not repeat this mistake if my reputation is on the line.

I do realize the seriousness of him not wanting his roommate to know. It's just the fact that 1) he is acting like I'm a dog that needs to be trained and 2) he assumes that just because it happened means I don't realize or am incapable of understanding the repercussions of the situation. My motivation to be careful around his roommates is stronger to avoid ruining things for him than it is to avoid ruining things for myself.

[OnceConfused]

THis is one of the ways BPD uses to make you become fearful and so they can control you.  THey shift the blame onto you so that now you can begin to walk on eggshell around them.

[misuniadziubek]

I think I realize all of this, which is why I became so defensive. The times that this had happened before weren't quite my fault either. He hadn't told me that his bathroom vent lead straight to his housemates kitchen and that it wasn't a safe place to talk. This was before I realised he was a uBPD. I tried so hard to calm him down and he kept repeating how I obviously don't care enough to keep my mouth shut.