BPD Women and Money- does it make it better?

[outside9x]

Hi

This might seem like a dumb question because I been wondering.

I dated this very attractive and seductive BPD women for 2 years , who raged and did all sorts of stuff, made up stuff, and we broke up several times, most of the time it was about the stupidest little money thing, like on vacation, that  I paid for the cruise etc but ask her to pay for the cab ride to and from the airport.  She was good with it, and happy, a month later she was calling me cheap, etc, and who does that, and said she did ask me if it would be ok if she didn't pay for that, but I totally ignored her. .  Well, that never happen.  But it was always little stuff like that, and I can't be with a man who can't take care even the littlest things.  Which I did my fair share, trust me.  I never let money be a problem and like to go out and have a good time, and fix things around her house etc.   As you know, Demands are never satisfied them no matter how many you complete and miss one, etc forget.  Yes, she also was always thinking I was flirting, while little did I know she was on a dating site. 

Again it was always surrounding money, and trust me, she hardly worked and had enough money from her well do $$$ ex-husbands, all  3 of them.

Well, I think I just answered my own question, now but wanted to hear your thoughts or actual experiences if it made a difference in their behavior knowing stress sometimes causes them to explode more.

So, does having money help with the BPD relationship, or does it just make it more complicated.  I guess their minds might assume you are holding out on them or don't spend enough on them.  I am just the average guy with a good decent income.  I was certainly different then the rest.   

Her past history tends to seem it doesn't matter how much they have, they will explode on them, and I know she call the last husband cheap and a miser, yet they went on very nice vacations, and bought a really nice summer home, etc, etc. and he made well over $250K and took her to some nice places and bought some other homes etc. The other one even made more money.

Just very curious if she par for the course, or do they adjust better with better financial surrounding.

Thanks

[AwakenedOne]

outside9x,

The people with BPD think it will make things better. It won't though in the end as you mentioned has happened with her ex's.  

My ex was into money also. She told me I need to be the CEO of a corporation to make more money. She said "what the heck is wrong with you?, real men try to be CEO's of corporations." The whole conversation was goofy as hell. Not reality.

She later said when we had problems "You need to give me a million dollars if I am going to have to stay with you." She didn't mean it, she was lashing out. She wanted more something though... . Her thought process of saying that showed that she wants more money or more something. That's the deal they want more of whatever.

Peace,

AO

[outside9x]

Awakened one,

Well that sounds so typical.  It never what they say, they are just unhappy.  like I said, I wondered about it and wanted to post and then remember the other guys offered her a ton, and were good looking guys, and probably nice as well. but I thought initially I found my Angel, and these guys must of been real aXXholes to pass up a nice person like this, and treat her badly and then I found out no one in her family would be with her and she didn't care no friends etc, and still I ignored all that, sometimes, I still conveniently do. 

But I thought I post this because I know how cruel they can be and probably someone is out there thinking if they made more money it would work, or they are not good enough for her, or better yet, they met this rich guy, and now she gets what she wants and can be happy, and no problems.  I seriously doubt it. 

Hopefully, it will help someone out on this site.  I hope so!

[AwakenedOne]

When my ex told me I need to give her a million dollars for her to stay with me I am glad I resisted the urge to call her a whore and a prostitute for money. I remember that moment. She was violent and dangerous. I think something terrible would of happened. I remember coming close to saying it.

It's all lies, who knows what they want on anything. 90% of her words were lies. Of course we are not without faults x 10, but who really knows what anything is. I probably should stop trying to figure stuff out. More fun to figure out guitar theories and guitar scales.

She told me if we had nothing and lived in a treehouse she would be happy with me. That was in early days though. Ya right a treehouse... . sure.

[NickM]

My experience is that money doesn't solve BPD problems, it only masks the warning signs you need to work through the issues or know to leave.

[willy45]

After we broke up, we talked and right out of the Blue she says: I'm not a gold digger'. We weren't even on the topic. It was totally out of nowhere. And I certainly don't have any gold... . It was weird. Her previous bf (who was 30 years her senior... . RED FLAG), was rich, apperenty. She cheated on him with at least 4 other guys in the year and a half they were together.

[sirius]

throughout the entire 12 years we were together, financial ups and downs to the extreme, she was with me all the way. She went to prison with me at one point when we were wrongly accused and was discharges a month later. Money thinking in her was very impulsive. Most of the time she is alright with average and sometimes she seemed she wants a lot of money to live a lavish life.

She did told me that once that real men are CEO of corporations when I was poor and one day I built a multi million dollar corp and from the ground up. She shuts up after that but due to the busy schedule and not giving her much attention at that time but she benefited from the money, got expensive shoes,handbags... . cars and nice things but she started cheating on me at that time. When I caught her of course all lies and all my fault and I sold the entire business to stay home with her. When I was home, she started to work saying she wanted independence for her own sake incase i leave her one day and blah blah blah... .

While she went out to work, she was cheating on me again. Self damaging our financial order and I became poor again, she supported me for the past 3 years and dumped me 3 months ago.

So money isn't a big deal to them but during the downhill period, it triggers her a lot being afraid of being poor again.

[sirius]

she did told me many times that if we would be poor, she would still love me and be with me, which at one point it was true. She also devalues me at that time.

But if it was her own money, she put in a lot of concern about it and she is very secretive about it too. She also seems to check the balance in the bank daily as thought the money will leave them as well... . funny

[outside9x]

Hi Sirius,

That seems a bit familiar to me.  I remember 2 years ago at a late age I was about to be terminated from my job.  Corp, was sweeping out many people, and 6 months before I promised to live with her and she wanted $65K (her home) and she would put me on the title.  Well, I didn't have a lot of money to begin with she did, and I also told her or we agreed I would pay 80% of the expenses. 

'However, when I found out my job would be terminated and I was 62, and worked there 27 yrs, I told her I couldn't commit that money, but still could move in and pay the 80%, and later when I found a job, I could invest.

She went nuts.  No thought of what I was going through, just mean, and all this vile comments that I didn't really love her etc, and I played her.  I showed her the letter and everything, it didn't matter.  No moving in unless I had the $65K.  All my friends then said get away from her and her craziness and don't do it.

She would rage, and broke up with me several times, siting this or that.  Finally, I couldn't take it, and broke up with her. 

Long story short, we didn't see each other, for 2 months, I got a job, but lot less pay but decent.  Then we got back together, and it was good for a while, then I told her I could commit the money.  My friends, counselor, and lawyer all thought this was a very bad idea and my friends really didn't like her putting all that pressure on me, and raging and punching me in the car and calling me names.  They thought she was money hungry and a wacko.

Yet, I offered and she said things have changed.  Eventually, the relationship declined and she pushed me away, and more raging devaluation, running out of cars, calling me names, etc.  We were in a committed relationship and then I caught her on line.  At 1st she was sorry, then said, too bad, no one tells me what to do or say.  I thought this was unbelievable cruel, and I left and never saw her again basically.  Yes she made attempts to come back and admitted she was cruel and punishing.  then later changed he tuned.

Anyway, I think if I didn't lose my job and moved in giving all that money, I pretty much be out of that $65K today.  Even with a written document before hand, I imagine as many said, given her track record, I be out of the house, possibly still paying rent, and in court for a long time trying to get some of my money back.

I think it's not that her intentions were honorable, it just given her BPD traits, it would blow up, as it did so many times before that. As it did for her 3 husbands, and her fiancée.

They do ruin our life's and we so crave to be with the person we dream they are.