Supper Alone is hard

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have been on my own for a little more than 3 weeks now and I find when I'm sitting alone eating supper I get filled with a "what the hell did I do?" feeling. It seems like a time that I think more than I should about what I left. I am 53 and wonder if this is as good as it's going to get although I do feel alot better not living under the constant stress I had before.

I just gotta keep busy and focus on the good and not dwell on the guilt.

[grover11]

I have been on my own for a little more than 3 weeks now and I find when I'm sitting alone eating supper I get filled with a "what the hell did I do?" feeling. It seems like a time that I think more than I should about what I left. I am 53 and wonder if this is as good as it's going to get although I do feel alot better not living under the constant stress I had before.

I just gotta keep busy and focus on the good and not dwell on the guilt.

[arjay]

Greetings.  I have heard moving on from these types of relationships causes many of the same experiences as withdrawls from an addiction.  Throw in some co-dependancy and guilt and it makes this process really tough in the beginning. Heck even quitting smoking is tough and we all know it is not a very healthy habit

We all went through a range of emotions, doubted ourselves at times and even blamed ourselves too.  I went through my own withdrawl period if you will and it was tough.  What helped was not sitting around so much; getting out and going to Barnes and Noble for example and reading a book; going out to eat even if I was by myself; getting involved in a church group or other group.  This all helped me to focus on moving forward and not dwelling on the past.

It is tough and in those moments of weakness I read and re-read the great info here on disengaging and what to expect.  I was pretty much typical too.  It did get better though.

Peace

[Ihope2]

That first week of being alone again was absolute hell for me.  The house was quiet and empty except for my pets (that helps a great deal, to have animals around for company).  I hated drawing the curtains closed and switching off the lights at night to total darkness. So I found that I was leaving some curtains open and I left a lamp on in the living area overnight. 

I also had the "what did I do?" questions running around my head, and I also kept on mentally repeating "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please forgive me".  I don't know if I was praying or talking to my ex in his absence.  I just had this burden of guilt for "what I had done" (ie. detaching from a highly dysfunctional marriage relationship).

Even now weekends are really quiet, and I find that leaving the radio on most of the day while I potter around helps create a background of sound. 

Getting out and being in the presence of others is also good to do.  Even if you don't interact with people, but just having people around you is good.

And then, pretty soon, the darkness does not appear so dark any more, and the silence gets easier to deal with. 

All the best Grover11.