"Maneater" by Darryl hall and John Oats

[Lion Fire]

I remember one particular day... . things were just starting to shake in my relationship with my DBPDexgf .We were in a shop. She had been erratic since we woke up. I could see she was boiling just under the surface and had a volatile vibe about her so was staying at an arms length. She was stressed about a whole load of things that seemed quite innocuous to me... . everything and nothing kinda thing.

Anyway, the radio was playing in this shop and the song "Maneater" by Darryl hall and John Oats came on.  I knew this song from when I was younger but it was always background pop for me and a track i never took much notice of. This time it was profound... . I heard every lyric clearly and listened intently. I knew she had been diagnosed with BPD, and was familiar with this disorder from a previous gf long ago... . this track sounded like it had been written about a woman with BPD! It was a lucid and eery moment for me, like time stood still for those few minutes, almost a warning sign... . I looked at her and honestly sensed danger, I could see her features changing and the facade starting to drop, she was sweating and her eyes were like a frightened childs. She asked me why I was looking at her so strangely... . once the track finished, I ignored what I now believe was an intuitive call and put it down to my own stuff or even superstition.

Half an hour later she had a meltdown in the street about something I can't remember and she had to meditate in a side street in lunchtime Soho. I felt a new feeling that day, one of alarm and caution.Things actually changed from that day on and although we had some good periods in between, I now recognise this as been the start of the epic and tumultuous runaway rollercoaster ride that eventually crashed spectacularly. The honeymoon ended that day.

Today, out of the blue, I read that this track was in fact inspired by an experience the composer had with a BPD female  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRYFKcMa_Ek

Aye, I'll be trusting my gut and keeping my radar at least on semi-alert from now  

Anyone else one of those weird lightbulb moments along the way when your instincts where screaming out to run and you stayed ?

[Infared]

LOL... . just went to you-tube and took a walk down memory lane... yes I am old... . LOL... .

The relationship was years ago... The last time I saw my ex (very recently)... . she had seen me in the supermarket check out line (me clueless), She checked out with a cart full of groceries before me... . knew my car (?) and knew where it was parked (?) because she ran out to it and, past it actually in the isle and "lay in wait" for me... . (like a panther... LOL... I kid you not)... all dressed to the nines... summer dress, heals, hair a flowing... . and me ... . I check out and come down the isle like a putz (not really... . how could I have known)... . and out of the right corner of my eye I see someone who was standing still, but starts to charge at me with a full cart toward the store... . (hadn't seen her in years)... . and my IMMEDIATE reaction was "watch-out boy she'll chew you up, the beauty is there but the beast is in the heart"... . Thankfully I took Halls & Oats advice and put my head down, arced my cart around her and beat feet to my car.  Felt like I just dodged a Sunami ... . looked over my shoulder to see her do the big sigh, put her head down like a victim and do all the drama... . phew... . (her car was like three isles over... )... . I jumped in my car and got out of there... . "uh uh boy... . she'll chew you up"... . Have no idea what that was all about... . but I  am REALLY glad that I reacted the way I did!

A fake, accidental run-in. I think not.

So she is still:

Imature

Dishonest

Manipulative

Self-Centered

She is also a very sick little girl at 45yrs. of age... so I try to have some empathy.

To the best of my knowledge she has a husband sitting at home. Wonder what he would have thought about all of that... . poor sucker.

She came out in broad daylight though... . it was not night... . but the rest of the song described my "moment"!

[redbaron5]

My exUBPDgf actually had a tattoo of a shark with human legs that had the words "ManEater" underneath it on her forearm.  Only truthful thing about her.

[Infared]

Mind over Matter!

[Lion Fire]

Infrared - on a roll. Your story is funny

I can picture that farce in the supermarket.

" she's deadly man, she could really rip your world apart"

Redbaron5, that also made me laugh hard.  

Now that is a sea of red flags! That small piece if indelible ink said it all.

I was trying to imagine what my reaction would the first time I spotted that.

"Okaaay, Emmm, I'll get my coat , Taxi ! "   

Thanks for the laughs lads  

[Pecator]

There was a great thread dedicated to music and BPD. It was great. (can't find it now)

I am so surprised "Maneater" didn't make the list. It is so apropos.

While your in the oldies mood, check out Billy Joel's "She's Always a Woman"

(BPD before it was diagnosed. No wonder BJ has issues)

She can kill with a smile

She can wound with her eyes

She can ruin your faith with her casual lies

And she only reveals what she wants you to see

She hides like a child

But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love

She can take you or leave you

She can ask for the truth

But she'll never believe

And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free

Yeah, she steals like a thief

But she's always a woman to me

[Chorus:]

Oh, she takes care of herself

She can wait if she wants

She's ahead of her time

Oh, and she never gives out

And she never gives in

She just changes her mind

She will promise you more

Than the Garden of Eden

Then she'll carelessly cut you

And laugh while you're bleedin'

But she'll bring out the best

And the worst you can be

Blame it all on yourself

Cause she's always a woman to me

[Chorus:]

Oh, she takes care of herself

She can wait if she wants

She's ahead of her time

Oh, and she never gives out

And she never gives in

She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind

And she's suddenly cruel

She can do as she pleases

She's nobody's fool

But she can't be convicted

She's earned her degree

And the most she will do

Is throw shadows at you

But she's always a woman to me

[Bach Cantatas]

"Maneater" is a fantastic song about a BPD relationship. Yet IMHO the gold medal goes to "She`s Not There" by The Zombies and written way back in the early sixties by their keyboard player Rod Argent. Ironically, I introduced this song and other Zombie tracks to my exBPD whilst missing the it is. She too was "not there" and, as I now know, never was!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LpS7mpskf18

[Infared]

Infrared - on a roll. Your story is funny

I can picture that farce in the supermarket.

" she's deadly man, she could really rip your world apart"

Redbaron5, that also made me laugh hard.  

Now that is a sea of red flags! That small piece if indelible ink said it all.

I was trying to imagine what my reaction would the first time I spotted that.

"Okaaay, Emmm, I'll get my coat , Taxi ! "   

Thanks for the laughs lads  

Fun to have some humor, here.

... . the encounter was in reality, very upsetting emotionally for me.  There is nothing really to be done about it. I protected me from the craziness, but with these things I just walk away so sad. There is no understanding this disease... . but we try.

[Lion Fire]

You're right Infrared. We have to laugh sometimes but the whole thing is ultimately very, very sad.

Blessin's

[christoff522]

There was a great thread dedicated to music and BPD. It was great. (can't find it now)

I am so surprised "Maneater" didn't make the list. It is so apropos.

While your in the oldies mood, check out Billy Joel's "She's Always a Woman"

(BPD before it was diagnosed. No wonder BJ has issues)

She can kill with a smile

She can wound with her eyes

She can ruin your faith with her casual lies

And she only reveals what she wants you to see

She hides like a child

But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love

She can take you or leave you

She can ask for the truth

But she'll never believe

And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free

Yeah, she steals like a thief

But she's always a woman to me

[Chorus:]

Oh, she takes care of herself

She can wait if she wants

She's ahead of her time

Oh, and she never gives out

And she never gives in

She just changes her mind

She will promise you more

Than the Garden of Eden

Then she'll carelessly cut you

And laugh while you're bleedin'

But she'll bring out the best

And the worst you can be

Blame it all on yourself

Cause she's always a woman to me

[Chorus:]

Oh, she takes care of herself

She can wait if she wants

She's ahead of her time

Oh, and she never gives out

And she never gives in

She just changes her mind

She is frequently kind

And she's suddenly cruel

She can do as she pleases

She's nobody's fool

But she can't be convicted

She's earned her degree

And the most she will do

Is throw shadows at you

But she's always a woman to me

Deffo fits with BPD, after I got discarded this was my anthem. I remember that it was around Easter time, I was still in the shock period, I spent a lot of time singing this song.

[christoff522]

heres another that I think is BPD/NPD related

Neil Diamond - Love on the Rocks

Love on the rocks ain't no surprise

Pour me a drink,

And I'll tell you some lies

Got nothing to lose,

So you just sing the blues, all the time

Gave you my heart, gave you my soul

You left me alone here

With nothing to hold

Yesterday's gone

Now all I want is a smile

First they say they want you

How they really need you

Suddenly you find you're out there

Walking in a storm

When they know they have you

Then they really have you

Nothing you can do or say,

You've got to leave, just get away

We all know the song

You need what you need

You can say what you want

Not much you can do

When the feeling is gone

May be blue skies above,

But it's cool

When your love's on the rocks

First they say they want you

How they really need you

Suddenly you find you're out there

Walking in a storm

And when they know they have you

Then they really have you

Nothing you can do or say

You got to leave, just get away

We all know the song

Love on the rocks

Ain't no big surprise

Just pour me a drink

And I'll tell you my lies

Yesterday 's gone

Now all I want is a smile... .