Trying to get a Settlement

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hello All,

It's been a few months since I posted and I thought I would check in on the gang and see what was new in BPD land.  Patience, patience, patience... . and a few thousand miles on the tread mill... . and I have almost made it through BPD land with my sanity... . relatively speaking anyways. 

So my saga began back in November 2012 and we are now at the point where she either has to sign the final settlement agreement or we are going to court.  My lawyer is an expert in mental illness law and family law so he was without a doubt the perfect lawyer for my situation (divorcing a BPD wife, she's foreign born, NPD traits, two small children, lots of family assets). 

The tactic he has taken is one of absolute silence.  This has caused her no end of stress and anxiety and certainly provoked some of her BPD behaviors.  She was worried I was going to take custody of the girls, worried I was going to force the sale of the house... . I can't emphasize strongly enough the need to get front footed in your approach to dealing with a BPD.  Find out what they want, fear... . and use it against them.  I know this sounds mean, but divorce is battle and strategy is important.  As Sun Tzu says, "strategy without tactics is the long way to victory, but tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat."

While she is the one that filed for divorce, she never really understood that it meant "no more."  By this I mean, "no more" abuse toleration, "no more" covering for her crazy spending, "no more" enabling, "no more" secret abuses, "no more."  As such she has become even more caustic over the past 5 months to the point that I am basically no contact with her whatsoever.  On the one hand it is heartbreaking that my four year old's birthday had to be done in separate households, but it was soo worth it to know that her older sister and the little one could spend a few hours with their dad without anyone screaming, b___ing, raging, complaining, smashing stuff, etc... .

What a twisted world.  well... . please keep us in your prayers... . if she signs the agreement the nightmare is almost over... . if she doesn't, custody trials starts July 8th... . and I am prepared to get at least 50-50.  My lawyer doesn't think I have a solid custody case as I was a "good guy" and didn't call the police on her, she doesn't use drugs, doesn't drink... . the fact that her rages are animal-like and savage doesn't matter I guess... . :-(  Anyways, doing the best I can and resisting the urge to flee so that my little girls have at least one sane parent available to them should the need arise... .

God Bless,

Mava

[Eodmava]

Hello All,

It's been a few months since I posted and I thought I would check in on the gang and see what was new in BPD land.  Patience, patience, patience... . and a few thousand miles on the tread mill... . and I have almost made it through BPD land with my sanity... . relatively speaking anyways. 

So my saga began back in November 2012 and we are now at the point where she either has to sign the final settlement agreement or we are going to court.  My lawyer is an expert in mental illness law and family law so he was without a doubt the perfect lawyer for my situation (divorcing a BPD wife, she's foreign born, NPD traits, two small children, lots of family assets). 

The tactic he has taken is one of absolute silence.  This has caused her no end of stress and anxiety and certainly provoked some of her BPD behaviors.  She was worried I was going to take custody of the girls, worried I was going to force the sale of the house... . I can't emphasize strongly enough the need to get front footed in your approach to dealing with a BPD.  Find out what they want, fear... . and use it against them.  I know this sounds mean, but divorce is battle and strategy is important.  As Sun Tzu says, "strategy without tactics is the long way to victory, but tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat."

While she is the one that filed for divorce, she never really understood that it meant "no more."  By this I mean, "no more" abuse toleration, "no more" covering for her crazy spending, "no more" enabling, "no more" secret abuses, "no more."  As such she has become even more caustic over the past 5 months to the point that I am basically no contact with her whatsoever.  On the one hand it is heartbreaking that my four year old's birthday had to be done in separate households, but it was soo worth it to know that her older sister and the little one could spend a few hours with their dad without anyone screaming, b___ing, raging, complaining, smashing stuff, etc... .

What a twisted world.  well... . please keep us in your prayers... . if she signs the agreement the nightmare is almost over... . if she doesn't, custody trials starts July 8th... . and I am prepared to get at least 50-50.  My lawyer doesn't think I have a solid custody case as I was a "good guy" and didn't call the police on her, she doesn't use drugs, doesn't drink... . the fact that her rages are animal-like and savage doesn't matter I guess... . :-(  Anyways, doing the best I can and resisting the urge to flee so that my little girls have at least one sane parent available to them should the need arise... .

God Bless,

Mava

[pallavirajsinghani]

Hello Friend:

I am very sorry that you are going through all this... . and glad that you have a good attorney on your side who understands mental disorders.  I would recommend you to read the entire past threads of 'ForeverDad".  He successfully (I use this term in its relative sense.) negotiated a high conflict divorce utilizing certain specific tactics.

God Bless.