I am piecing together more of my personal struggle. The is the part 2 follows my post about our house
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=227295.msg12448137#msg12448137.
I am grateful to be in my line of work. It is an in demand profession, stimulating and well paid. I am good at it and often find a sense of mission at work. Typically people switch job every 2 to 5 years. This is the best way to a raise. There is no stigma because everybody is doing this.
Problem come from unexpected place - my wife. When I was looking for another job she become all intense as if I am going to put the whole family in jeopardy. I was the main bread winner and now the sole bread winner. But there is no rational reason for her anxiety. I wasn't fired. I am going to find job with better pay, or be more fulfilling, which is just as important. But no amount of explanation would have possible ease her mind. Inexplicably my job search is burdened with her apprehension for no good reason.
One intense scene is when company X called. Even though their office is far away from my home, it is a prestigious company. So I decide to give it a try. When I told her I'm going to interview with X, she look at me with disbelieve. "Why would you even want to interview with them? You say you hate long commute!" True I hate long commute. But this is my job and I'm trying to balance all the pros and cons. I am just going to check them out and haven't made any commitment. We end up having a big fight over that. The weird things is everyone in the world are excited for me except her. My old colleague who now work at X volunteer to line me up with good opportunities. Everyone at X is happy to meet me. Only my wife give me hard time. I thought she is supposed to stand by me in my career move.
I have few friends. But once in a while we get together and we enjoy talking about business. My wife would complain that I can talk for hours with my friends but I won't talk with her about my work. I say I've told you about my work. But you won't understand so much about the professional stuff and the details will bore you.
The truth is she is right. I won't like to talk with her about my work. Unlike with my friends our talk are often not enjoyable. It often has an undercurrent of her mistrust and it can easily go off track and clash for no reason.
One of the most violent clash is my recent move. My company was not going well. So I made a bold move to voluntary quit my job, take a break while looking for the next job. It turned out to be a huge success. I found a new job with big raise in no time. Back to the day I handed in my resignation letter I met with my wife for lunch and told her my plan. She was uncertain with me. But as she slowly digested my plan she realized I have made the decision to quit without first consulting with her. She was extremely upset and we have a flight in the restaurant. She threaten this will be the last time and she will divorce me if I ever do it again.
It wasn't my intention to keep her out. But she never have any constructive input about career. Instead her emotion and irrational negativity are often detrimental to my undertaking. Every time I dread the moment when I have to reveal any plan to her. I just can't predict how she might react. So often I choose to act on my own. But the secretiveness is not what I want and it just increase my anxiety.
How dysfunctioning is it between us?
