real estate story

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This is my real estate story. There are certain bitterness in me for many years. I am writing this to get it off my chest.

We were talking about moving to be close to our son's school for a while. It is a great school. Between my two sons we will be spending 12 years there. So I really want to be in that neighborhood rather than driving across town. Also our sons are growing up and are going to outgrow our tiny starter home.

We are living in an expensive city. People pay ridiculous amount of money to get very little house. There were a few years price has become reasonable after the financial crisis. But I've watched this window pass by and now the price sky rocket once again. You can appreciate how challenging and stressful this is. I am not sure if my wife know this.

Difficult as it was, I have the finance worked out. After months of talking, I though we are ready to spring into action. So one week I've suggested to head to Sunday open house. Unexpectedly she completely flipped out.

She was charging me for going to buy a crappy house without considering her need. She was saying I neglect our current house for years and she won't trust me until I fix all these things. This was very bizarre because nothing have even started and she is already accusing me going for crappy house. This is just the opposite of what I want to do. I want to buy the family a bigger, better house. I am working hard and straining myself so that she and the kids can have a better life. As of conditioning on me fixing the neglected (her words) parts of our current house, this is simply an irrational idea. Everything she has wanted, new kitchen, new yard, and such, I am going to find a new house that meet her need. Why would we want to waste time to do any work on the old house at all if we are moving?

Anyway we made it out to the open house, a trip made somewhat reluctantly and mistrustfully. She has picked on every house. Then she added another demand. She need a house with seaview just like our current house. This is a definite deal breaker. She does not have much sense of geography. Otherwise she would have know about 95% of house in this neighborhood are inland and will not have seaview.

I abandoned the effort after that day. I thought she was on board when we have talked about the move. She have even collected real estate flyers from the neighborhood. But her negative emotion has torpedoed the effort just like that. I feel sabotaged. I have an realization that we don't seem to be on the same team.

Some people might say I should just make more money to buy her the house she want. As if spending more money would make her happy then I would probably try my best. But no, I can see how this goes. I would stretch myself to buy an very expensive house. And she will dislike it and blame me for all the years to come. I have gotten wiser over years to see this.

I have gotten wiser over years as this has already happened before. We bought this present house some year ago and I quickly found out she hates it. It was too small. She hates the stairs. Once she got frustrated carrying grocery up she calls it savage house. By the way these stairs get you up high to afford the seaview that now she think she cannot live without. She dislike the unruly yard. Strangely I have a few visitors complimented my lush looking yard. Actually they are wild grown. My job is only to trim them from time to time. She hate the small bedroom. She hates the bathroom without bathtub. I'm sorry this house is so small and for all other problems. Any excitement one might have for being a home owner at all in this city has quickly extinguished. I have doubted my judgment. Maybe we won't live here for long and move to a better place. How ironic we are stuck in here also because of her.

If not for anything, this is still a good investment. The price has appreciated quite a bit over the years. I remember the last line from the movie "Pacific Heights". A young couple has mistaking admitted a tenant into their new house. They have to fought an traumatic battle with the socialpath tenant and nearly lost everything, even their relationship, during the fight. At the end they fixed up the house and sold it for a nice profit. The buyer couple was delighted and said they must have put their heart into the house. Their response was "no, it was just an investment".

An investment. It belies so much bitterness and failed dreams.

[half-life]

This is my real estate story. There are certain bitterness in me for many years. I am writing this to get it off my chest.

We were talking about moving to be close to our son's school for a while. It is a great school. Between my two sons we will be spending 12 years there. So I really want to be in that neighborhood rather than driving across town. Also our sons are growing up and are going to outgrow our tiny starter home.

We are living in an expensive city. People pay ridiculous amount of money to get very little house. There were a few years price has become reasonable after the financial crisis. But I've watched this window pass by and now the price sky rocket once again. You can appreciate how challenging and stressful this is. I am not sure if my wife know this.

Difficult as it was, I have the finance worked out. After months of talking, I though we are ready to spring into action. So one week I've suggested to head to Sunday open house. Unexpectedly she completely flipped out.

She was charging me for going to buy a crappy house without considering her need. She was saying I neglect our current house for years and she won't trust me until I fix all these things. This was very bizarre because nothing have even started and she is already accusing me going for crappy house. This is just the opposite of what I want to do. I want to buy the family a bigger, better house. I am working hard and straining myself so that she and the kids can have a better life. As of conditioning on me fixing the neglected (her words) parts of our current house, this is simply an irrational idea. Everything she has wanted, new kitchen, new yard, and such, I am going to find a new house that meet her need. Why would we want to waste time to do any work on the old house at all if we are moving?

Anyway we made it out to the open house, a trip made somewhat reluctantly and mistrustfully. She has picked on every house. Then she added another demand. She need a house with seaview just like our current house. This is a definite deal breaker. She does not have much sense of geography. Otherwise she would have know about 95% of house in this neighborhood are inland and will not have seaview.

I abandoned the effort after that day. I thought she was on board when we have talked about the move. She have even collected real estate flyers from the neighborhood. But her negative emotion has torpedoed the effort just like that. I feel sabotaged. I have an realization that we don't seem to be on the same team.

Some people might say I should just make more money to buy her the house she want. As if spending more money would make her happy then I would probably try my best. But no, I can see how this goes. I would stretch myself to buy an very expensive house. And she will dislike it and blame me for all the years to come. I have gotten wiser over years to see this.

I have gotten wiser over years as this has already happened before. We bought this present house some year ago and I quickly found out she hates it. It was too small. She hates the stairs. Once she got frustrated carrying grocery up she calls it savage house. By the way these stairs get you up high to afford the seaview that now she think she cannot live without. She dislike the unruly yard. Strangely I have a few visitors complimented my lush looking yard. Actually they are wild grown. My job is only to trim them from time to time. She hate the small bedroom. She hates the bathroom without bathtub. I'm sorry this house is so small and for all other problems. Any excitement one might have for being a home owner at all in this city has quickly extinguished. I have doubted my judgment. Maybe we won't live here for long and move to a better place. How ironic we are stuck in here also because of her.

If not for anything, this is still a good investment. The price has appreciated quite a bit over the years. I remember the last line from the movie "Pacific Heights". A young couple has mistaking admitted a tenant into their new house. They have to fought an traumatic battle with the socialpath tenant and nearly lost everything, even their relationship, during the fight. At the end they fixed up the house and sold it for a nice profit. The buyer couple was delighted and said they must have put their heart into the house. Their response was "no, it was just an investment".

An investment. It belies so much bitterness and failed dreams.