Trying to put distance from the good thoughts.

[peiper]

I keep thinking of all the bs she put me through but still have a deep hurt. Its mixed with my feeling quite the fool for letting her put me through it, so Im angry at myself. Then in the same mix is saddness that shes gone. I still cant wrap my brain around this whole thing.

[peiper]

Cant seem to put this whole thing in perspective.

[seeking balance]

I keep thinking of all the bs she put me through but still have a deep hurt. Its mixed with my feeling quite the fool for letting her put me through it, so Im angry at myself. Then in the same mix is saddness that shes gone. I still cant wrap my brain around this whole thing.

Peiper, you cannot wrap your brain around it logically, it is mental illness.  You can learn the facts to depersonalize it - but even that doesn't change the fact we loved them (even when we didn't like them) or that there were good memories we must grieve.

It is very sad 

Peace,

SB

[peiper]

Thank you. Your very right, I just cant seem to get out of my mind that the more I did too make her happy the worse it got. But when it was good it was way good, except for the constant worry everytime I went to work if she had moverd out. And the worry all the time when she was going to go over to the dark side. Again thanks

[seeking balance]

Thank you. Your very right, I just cant seem to get out of my mind that the more I did too make her happy the worse it got. But when it was good it was way good, except for the constant worry everytime I went to work if she had moverd out. And the worry all the time when she was going to go over to the dark side. Again thanks

We get accustomed to worrying, so when we slow down and don't have that worry or chaos, it feels really, really lonely and scary. 

With time, you will create a new normal where calm is ok and worry is avoided.

Look to the right, 5 stages of detachment - where do you put yourself right now?

[peiper]

Number one

[peiper]

The last few days its been nothing but going over my feelings. I loved her but how on earth could she treat me like that. I guess I just need to find a way to detest her but I cant seem to get there.

[seeking balance]

The last few days its been nothing but going over my feelings. I loved her but how on earth could she treat me like that. I guess I just need to find a way to detest her but I cant seem to get there.

Be where you are - what are your actual feelings?

[peiper]

My true feelings are confussion and sadness.

[peiper]

I dont want hate in my heart, but that may be the only way to get over this.

[seeking balance]

My true feelings are confussion and sadness.

I dont want hate in my heart, but that may be the only way to get over this.

Anger will come when it does - we cannot rush the process.

I know it is hard right now, keep reading, keep posting. 

Now is a fantastic time to start a hobby you always wanted to try - it helps distract the mind.

Peace,

SB

[free-n-clear]

  Hi peiper.

   I know how tough it is, but I promise, it DOES get easier. It does get better.

My true feelings are confusion and sadness.

   This is perfectly natural - you loved her and she hurt you. It may sound strange, but when you can accept that nothing you could have said or done would have changed anything, the confusion, at least, will subside. It isn't that she doesn't (or didn't) love you - she's basically incapable of love. That in itself is sad, and you may feel pangs of sadness when you think of her for some time yet.

I don't want hate in my heart, but that may be the only way to get over this.

   Hating her will only hold you back in your healing. Hate what the Disorder has done to her, by all means, but don't hate her.

   The best thing you can do is focus on you - take care of YOU.   

[peiper]

Just hurts in a bad way. I know it will take time.

[Caredverymuch]

Just hurts in a bad way. I know it will take time.

[/quot

It hurts very deeply and the emotions change frequently. We miss someone we loved and we don't have hateful hearts.  The more we loved, the harder it got. Thats makes no sense to a logical mind. Or a loving person. Grieving something that makes sense is difficult enough. Grieving for someone you loved with your every fiber, who abandons you for no reason is excruciating. Just reading this thread makes me cry. You are not alone. Thank goodness so many here understand. I am sorry you are hurting and I hope tomorrow is a better day.

[peiper]

Thanks everybody. Ive been through breakups before but this is a hundred times worse then any of them.