Ok I'm going to be perfectly blunt. I've had lots of times where I felt sex was being used as a reward or withheld as a punishment. The lines between doing that intentionally and as a mere part of mood shift is pretty blurry.
I'm wondering if someone who has been diagnosed with BPD in the past can shed some light on a couple of questions for me. First of all, does sexual intimacy do the same for them as it does for the non? I.E. - does it promote feelings of bonding, closeness, and caring, or does it register differently?
I am not BPD and ex has not been officially diagnosed... . but I will share with you what I know from experience.
For my ex: No. Sex was for him, and him only. It was a release, period. It was the pinnacle of his 'addiction'. It was 100% for him.
The second question is that I believe it's often used as a hook - often I've read that sex with a BP is out of this world, and yes I can attest to the fact that at times (particularly when she feels I'm rethinking things or may be threatened) that she seems to go out of her way to ensure I have absolutely unquestionably great sexual encounters with her (after which she often muses about how "right" we are for each other and how she likes to make me happy). So my question is, am I just being manipulated here or - similar to the first question - am I to believe she really believes this to be true herself and is doing things partly to reassure HERSELF as well?
She 'may' feel this is all she's worth.
If she is AMAZING in bed, giving 'all of herself' in anyway to please you, in return, she will then be accepted (faults and all) by you.
Sex is a great manipulation tool for women. Why? Because it works.
Please hear me when I say that NOT ALL MEN are the same, but what I have seen and heard, the majority of men I have talked to in my life will put up with just about anything as long as their bedtime activities satisfy them. Plenty of times I hear them complain about the female in their life (over weight, bad house keeper, witchy, etc) but she's a freak in the bed, so they just go to the bar, run their woman down to strangers, but go home and get 'satisfied' in the bedroom.
I just shake my head.
(PS I am a bartender)
