I just wanted to say I have moved boards

[sweetheart]

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to put it in writing that I have moved from undecided to staying. I am hoping that by moving here I can get some sound advice and support about really using the skills to continue to make a positive difference within my marriage and family. My understanding of this disorder has made a big difference to how I feel and has also influenced this decision. I also realised that I felt more affinity with responses that I read on this board.

Things have been a lot calmer lately, but then I am doing a lot of things very differently. We haven't had any serious dysregulation for a while now.

I want my marriage to work because I love my dBPDh and our son loves his daddy and staying together as a family means a lot to all of us.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Wanda]

 when you change your husband has to also…

change doesn;t happen unless there is a change,.  

[sweetheart]

Thanks Wanda, that's what I'm beginning to realise, it really has started to make difference

[an0ught]

Welcome to the Staying board,

of course it is ok to stray once in a while back to undecided. Generally the staying board is a better medium to long term place unless you are in the back of your mind constantly considering breaking-up and want input from that side too.

Things have been a lot calmer lately, but then I am doing a lot of things very differently. We haven't had any serious dysregulation for a while now.

Hope this continues. It is worth remembering that the more we work on ourselves, the more resilience we build and the better we are in using our skills the less the eventual crisis affects us. And our daily life also becomes more enjoyable too.

[stuckgirl]

i hope you find the happiness youre looking for,good for you to be optimistic .

[sweetheart]

Thank you all for the welcome.

I have always wanted to stay, I just kept looking to my husband to be the one to change. It has taken 18 months of crises for me to start looking at myself. I never had any problems being a good mum, putting our son first, protecting him has always been my priority, making sure that I was there for our son no matter what, whilst all the time sucking up the chaos that my dBPDh left in his wake.

What I realised is i had nothing left for myself, no life, nothing, and I knew that if our marriage was to have any chance of surviving I had to reclaim my life. Coming to this forum has allowed me to start finding some space and time and peace to begin that process.

[ziniztar]

Welcome Sweetheart   

[wilsonian]

welcome to staying sweetheart... the folks here have helped me allot and the tools here have helped(still a major work in progress )... .take care of you first the main thing I keep hearing each day...

[ColdEthyl]

Welcome to the staying board! This has been a great place for me to vent my frustrations and talk about progress as I work on learning as much as I can to avoid conflict and improve our marriage

[Grey Kitty]

Welcome to staying!

What I realised is i had nothing left for myself, no life, nothing, and I knew that if our marriage was to have any chance of surviving I had to reclaim my life.

This attitude is rigth on--making yourself strong and healthy... .and giving your partner some room to grow alongside you... .or not as it is up to them, not up to you to make that choice.

Hang in there and keep working on yourself and taking care of yourself!