Tonight\Tomorrow is day

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Unless questioned tonight(I think she knows its coming), tomorrow is day at MC when I will hand a letter to my wife from my lawyer beginning the divorce proceedings.

I am as nervous as I have ever been. 

[Mike76]

Unless questioned tonight(I think she knows its coming), tomorrow is day at MC when I will hand a letter to my wife from my lawyer beginning the divorce proceedings.

I am as nervous as I have ever been. 

[Matt]

Unless questioned tonight(I think she knows its coming), tomorrow is day at MC when I will hand a letter to my wife from my lawyer beginning the divorce proceedings.

I am as nervous as I have ever been. 

What will you do if she questions you tonight?

How do you think it might go - if it doesn't go well - tomorrow?

[Mike76]

If she ask me tonight, I am going to try and delay the conversation until tomorrow.   I am tired of the lying (white lies to her, so can get my plans in order).  If pushed or threatened I may just hand over the letter tonight.

I got a call from her today... .   she said "You have been so quite and avoiding me the past 2 weeks are you are going to drop the bombshell on me tomorrow?".  I replied after a pause" It may be a rough day day tomorrow".   She at work, I am at work, this is not a over the phone conversation to have.

I left a message for the MC, shared my plan, shared what I am going to say, and what I hope to accomplish.

It's not going to go well (hope for the best, plan for the worst), but I am concerned of a complete mount-down. 

[Matt]

So for tonight, do you think you can just avoid any conversation, or tell her, "Let's talk about that with the MC tomorrow"?  (I think it will go better with the MC present than just the two of you.)

Tomorrow, if there is a complete breakdown, how would that look?  Do you think she might get violent, or might make accusations, or maybe be very sad and upset?

[Mike76]

So for tonight, do you think you can just avoid any conversation, or tell her, "Let's talk about that with the MC tomorrow"?  (I think it will go better with the MC present than just the two of you.)

Agreed... .This is my goal\plan... .



Tomorrow, if there is a complete breakdown, how would that look?  Do you think she might get violent, or might make accusations, or maybe be very sad and upset?

She will be very sad, upset, and crying.

She may get violent(very doubtful I think), but I am prepared(I hope)

Accusations I have never personally had this issue, but I know many on these board have. I hope I will not become someone this happen to.

I this MC helped make the BPD diagnose so I think I am at least partly covered. (the MC and her T share a office)

[Matt]

When I had a tough message to send to my ex, and if I was able to do it with a professional third party present, I learned a few things to make it go a little easier.

First, I wrote down "talking points" - just a few words for each key part of my message.  Then I used these - I had them in my notebook and I referred to it as I spoke, to make sure I said what I intended to say.

Then I stopped - which is hard - and I looked at the counselor, not at my ex.  My thinking was, it's now up to the counselor to manage the meeting - I said what I had to say.  So when my ex reacted to it - with blame, or threats, or accusations, or sadness, or whatever - it was the counselor's job to deal with that.

It worked pretty well, partly because our counselor was very skilled.

[Mike76]

Thanks Matt,

You seem to be on the man page as me, it helps me to think I am not crazy in my plan.

The MC returned my call, I was able to explain my plan, mention what wanted to accomplish, and mention a few goals I have.

[kiwimitch]

Hey I hope it works out for you,  Be brave,, You will still have along road ahead... . 

And of course the famous quote,,  Feel the fear, and do it anyway... .   

It certainly applies here...    

Good luck

[Vatz]

Oh man, I feel for you. The anxiety must be insane.

It's normal to be nervous because this is a big thing, and there will be some other problems ahead. You're anxious because it's going to get messy.

But you have to come out on top. For you. Wishing you the best of luck