Money and Entitlement

[Depression = 72% of members]

A post by awakened One sparked a memory for me... .

I thought of my ex( eh again ) and how, as time progressed, she became a bottomless pit of demands and rampant entitlement.

I thought of one of her last texts as she was melting down and I was escaping hell. she told me all she had ever received from me was a fridge magnet. at the time I blanked it because it was one of the milder texts she had spewed on me.

I thought about this afterwards and tallied up the amounts that i had spent over time... .

gifts, weekends away, an expensive holiday, flights, all fixed and variable bills for her apartment, haircuts, getting her nails done weekly, her bills for physio, meals out, entertainment etc. This was stuff I wasn't counting at the time but her perspective again shows how out of it she really is.

Taking into account the blackmail cash I had to pay her in exchange for my own possessions in her flat as well as all of the above, I estimate I spent at least 3k GBP on her alone in a 3 month period. That is a lot of money. In fact, she hardly put her hand in her pocket for our whole relationship.

I also remember how generous she was at first and how progressively she became more and more of a tightwad with money. I once owed her 15 quid for something and she insisted that I go with her to my bank, withdraw the cash and then go to her bank and deposit the cash (she was having a bad day  ) . At the time I was shocked but pushed it down as usual. I think it was that day that she raged about her need not being met and how not only would I not F**k her when she wanted but I did not have the means to giver her the lifestyle she deserves. I was gobsmacked and then of course I tried harder 

She became evil when it came to money and her sense of entitlement was off the scale.

Her relationship with money (incl. other peoples) was sick from my angle.

It seems her sense of entitlement gave her the freedom to do whatever she had to do to survive even if that meant walking over someone else. She spoke a great game about having values and being honourable, having each others back etc. but she was a real rogue when it came to money.

Her ex told me that she made him pay her internet and sky tv bill for a year after they broke up in exchange for her not turning him in to the immigration department. She ruined him finacially when they were together as well.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

[Lion Fire]

A post by awakened One sparked a memory for me... .

I thought of my ex( eh again ) and how, as time progressed, she became a bottomless pit of demands and rampant entitlement.

I thought of one of her last texts as she was melting down and I was escaping hell. she told me all she had ever received from me was a fridge magnet. at the time I blanked it because it was one of the milder texts she had spewed on me.

I thought about this afterwards and tallied up the amounts that i had spent over time... .

gifts, weekends away, an expensive holiday, flights, all fixed and variable bills for her apartment, haircuts, getting her nails done weekly, her bills for physio, meals out, entertainment etc. This was stuff I wasn't counting at the time but her perspective again shows how out of it she really is.

Taking into account the blackmail cash I had to pay her in exchange for my own possessions in her flat as well as all of the above, I estimate I spent at least 3k GBP on her alone in a 3 month period. That is a lot of money. In fact, she hardly put her hand in her pocket for our whole relationship.

I also remember how generous she was at first and how progressively she became more and more of a tightwad with money. I once owed her 15 quid for something and she insisted that I go with her to my bank, withdraw the cash and then go to her bank and deposit the cash (she was having a bad day  ) . At the time I was shocked but pushed it down as usual. I think it was that day that she raged about her need not being met and how not only would I not F**k her when she wanted but I did not have the means to giver her the lifestyle she deserves. I was gobsmacked and then of course I tried harder 

She became evil when it came to money and her sense of entitlement was off the scale.

Her relationship with money (incl. other peoples) was sick from my angle.

It seems her sense of entitlement gave her the freedom to do whatever she had to do to survive even if that meant walking over someone else. She spoke a great game about having values and being honourable, having each others back etc. but she was a real rogue when it came to money.

Her ex told me that she made him pay her internet and sky tv bill for a year after they broke up in exchange for her not turning him in to the immigration department. She ruined him finacially when they were together as well.

Anyone else have similar experiences?

[Ventus2ct]

Yes, mine was the same, prob not quite as bad as yours as I did pick up on it eventually.

Early days she was so very generous, made a lot of effort for Christmas (I didn't at the time) and took me to Paris for my birthday and then she locked her wallet up!

Malmaison hôtel Oxford, £1k, she got so pissed the first night I had to sleep on the sofa! Jewelry, countless meals out, she did pay occasionally but not often but then I have always felt that a woman shouldn't pay quite as often as a man.

Entitlement is and was very present, if i spent money on machinery for the farm, she'd question why I needed it and I always had the impression that she expected me to spend these sums on her! It only got worse towards the end, always paying for everything.

When she moved out she demanded money to pay a deposit on her new flat, so I gave her some (but not how much she wanted) so what did she spend it on? Botox (aged 36!) £500 on herself.

I sensed that she was very money orientated towards the end and when I said to myself "Let the Mid-Life crisis begin" I bought an Aston Martin, you can imagine the reaction that got! She expected me to spend this sort of money on her, the silly thing was that if she was a normal loving caring girlfriend instead of BPD, she could have had all these things and much much more but she never understood the concept instead expecting all the time.

I bought her a set of drop Peal earrings for Christmas, she opened them and instantly said they were cheap and I'd have to take them back…. says it all really!

[Huh?]

Dude, dont even get me started.  Its unbelievable how entitled they can feel.   Actually, both my exs wanted me to make big money, take them on trips, buy them things... .give them a vacation lifestyle.  They DEMANDED it.  And I did my best to give them the best within my means, it was never enough.  Never, ever enough.

Both wanted to be stay at home mothers... .my recent ex told me she wanted to be a stay at home mom and work out outdoors running stairs everyday.  I would ask her how she planned to run stairs while she was raising children, she said she would take them with her... .which didnt make sense.

Long story short, I didnt have what they needed.  Found out my previous ex from 4 years ago got herself a master electrician and so Im sure now she has the lifesytle she "deserves"  She literally said, she deserves to stay at home because she worked hard her whole life.  She was 28.

And my most recent ex, well... .Im sure shell get what she wants to.  Both were college dropouts.  No ambition or sense of purpose other than to have money.  I realize now that these women arent looking for husbands, they are looking for vacations from life.  I guess Im glad I dont have to foot the bill anymore.

[Artimer]

Same here. Paid for car repairs, gardening equipment, half of her & her daughter's vacation, for a hotel which was never used because she felt anxious about not being with her kids, petrol for her car, clothing for her kids even paid the maintenance for one of her kids when his deadbeat dad didn't pay. Over £2000 in less than 4 months 

Then I got told by her that she never asked or expected anything! It was always the subtle hints.

[Ventus2ct]

Then I got told by her that she never asked or expected anything! It was always the subtle hints.

Yes, subtle being the operative word. Mine always maintained that she wasn't interested in money, always, she always mentioned it, almost to the extreme. It was almost as if the things she really wanted she always denied wanting, So what she said she always meant the opposite!

Spa trips, weekends away… you name it, she'd email all the links over as to where she wanted to go, she'll be doing the same with her new fella now I suspect!

Her Birthday for example, she stated she'd just be happy with a card and for me to pop in. I bought a lovely necklace for her, vintage and expensive. She was overjoyed with it but the funny thing to me was that the following day she was off to visit her sister and grandparents, did she wear it? No.

Although she did insist that she wore it the last time we ever made love, I think it was to her some form of statement, marking, keepsake, almost as if she knew she was going to end it, symbolic even. It was just plain weird looking back on it!

[free-n-clear]

Anyone else have similar experiences?

Dude, don't even get me started.

  Enough said. 

[Vexed]

And then after you buy all this crap for them, what do they remember?  The one time you told them something was too expensive, and then throughout the whole relationship they talk down to you about how cheap you are. GAH!

[Ventus2ct]

And then after you buy all this crap for them, what do they remember?  The one time you told them something was too expensive, and then throughout the whole relationship they talk down to you about how cheap you are. GAH!

So so true! I was told I was very mean/tight all the time, almost shaming you into spending more on them, clever really because it did work. Hope the next chap has deep pockets or good credit!

If any of my previous girlfriends had even half of the treats the ex had they'd have been overjoyed.

She stated she wants someone to treat her like a Princess! Yet she didn't have two pennies to rub together although she asked about how much the farm would be worth very early on in the relationship 

[Arminius]

I think an unusual relationship with money may be a common feature. My uBPDxgf didn't rely on me to buy everything, actually she was the opposite and only at the end of the 'relationship' did I discover that she had amassed debts of $30k because her ego wouldn't allow her to admit she couldn't afford to match me on some expenditure.

Thirty grand in debt because she could say, 'I can't really afford to do that.' And not one possession to show for it.

This is a woman, late 30s who earns double average income, has no home, no valuable possessions, nothing whatsoever to show in terms of material things... .but a bunch of debt caused by ego.

I think it's linked to emotional immaturity. I mean, imagine giving a 4 year old a line of credit... .

Oh, yeah, almost forgot... .She once raged that we went on too many vacations and it had caused her to amass debt. Well, since I finally called time  on her faking wanting to reconcile, back in Feb, she has been on three vacations that I know about... .and I have strong indications of a 4th and I know she has a 5 week summer one planned!

[kiwimitch]

Mate, it sounds like that Aston Martin is the best investment you ever made...   Good on you... .I would love to of seen the look on her face... .

Keep it well polished, and look after it... .

It will never turn around and bit you on the bum... .

Good Luck... .

[kiwimitch]

Opps, the Aston Martin Reply was meant for Ventus2ct

I am still finding my way around here... .

I got to answer him after reading your post... .

And mine didnt quite get to that stage, but I could see it coming... .

But hey... .  You hang in there... .  it is not easy...

[free-n-clear]

Opps, the Aston Martin Reply was meant for Ventus2ct

   Hi, kiwimitch. When you're replying to a specific post within a thread, rather than to the first post, just click on Quote in the post you're replying to and that post will appear in the post reply screen. Then you can edit it down to the bit you want - like I have here with the quote from your post - by highlighting (click/drag) the bits you don't want and pressing delete or <-- on your keyboard. Make sure you leave the code in the square brackets at the start and the [/quote]
at the end. If you put your cursor immediately in front of the [/quote]
and hit backspace (<--) until it's at the end of the words you're quoting, that will reduce the quote box down to size. Hope this helps. 

   free'n'clear

[Artimer]

I was tempted this morning to send her a message asking for everything that I gave her & her kids, back. Also repayment of all the money I gave her. Then decided no. Not giving her any excuse to have any contact with me or turn around and tell people that I tried tried to "buy" her affection. Lesson learnt the hard way.