There is hope, before you had simply delusions. You ned to strip it back before you can look at how to rebuild
... .but I cant fix her.
This is your foundation stone,
You can fix you, the rest of life falls into place as it will
Accepting you cannot fix her is a huge step FORWARD. I want to strongly reiterate what Waverider said here. If you improve most likely she will follow you. If she doesn't then you will have a stronger you that can handle whatever happens.
What do want to change most right now, today? What would give you hope?