At a Crossroads

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I believe my wife may have BPD.  All of the signs and symptoms add up.  We have been married for about 18 months and just bought a house.  Now she is saying she doesn't know if she's "in love" with me or not and in her gut doesn't see it working.  I have tried so hard to make things work.  She has tried to blame all of her problems and insecurities on me.  I feel like she projects herself on me.  Everything seems like a double standard with her.  In the beginning, she made me feel so good about myself and things were great.  There was also a phase of clinginess but I thought it was just her age (she is 26 and I am 33).  Shortly before getting married, she started to show more anger and frustrated but I thought it was just cold feet.  It has escalated to verbal abuse, devaluing of me as a human being, being called every name in the book.  When I stand up for myself and advocate that her behavior it not right, it gets worse and sets her off even more.  She turns everything around on me and ends up looking like a big hypocrite. 

She has also admitted to cheating twice (two different instances but told me about them at the same time).  I have tried to forgive and move forward (I was always adament, I would dump anyone that cheated on me) and if I mention that I'm feeling vulnerable or question her due to the indiscretions, she lashes out rather than show some empathy.  She is so nice to everyone she meets.  No one knows what is going on behind closed doors.  Recently, I believe she has been having an emotional affair with a coworker.  Not sure if it has gone farther but I would not be surprised.  If I talk about him, she gets defensive, insists nothing inappropriate is going on, and that I should trust her.  She communicates with him so much, I feel abandoned and alone. 

She says she wants to separate and go to marriage counseling and work on things but also says she doesn't see us working out either.  I just don't know that I have it in me.  I am emotionally spent.  I fear being alone if we divorce but know that staying (tough in a weird way comfortable) would be worse.  I have recently begun to reach out and gain the support of my family, her family, and some good friends.  I didn't realize how isolated I was becoming!  Also seeing a therapist on my own.  But very much struggling with the decision of trying to salvage my marriage or cut bait and move on. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[TheBanker]

I believe my wife may have BPD.  All of the signs and symptoms add up.  We have been married for about 18 months and just bought a house.  Now she is saying she doesn't know if she's "in love" with me or not and in her gut doesn't see it working.  I have tried so hard to make things work.  She has tried to blame all of her problems and insecurities on me.  I feel like she projects herself on me.  Everything seems like a double standard with her.  In the beginning, she made me feel so good about myself and things were great.  There was also a phase of clinginess but I thought it was just her age (she is 26 and I am 33).  Shortly before getting married, she started to show more anger and frustrated but I thought it was just cold feet.  It has escalated to verbal abuse, devaluing of me as a human being, being called every name in the book.  When I stand up for myself and advocate that her behavior it not right, it gets worse and sets her off even more.  She turns everything around on me and ends up looking like a big hypocrite. 

She has also admitted to cheating twice (two different instances but told me about them at the same time).  I have tried to forgive and move forward (I was always adament, I would dump anyone that cheated on me) and if I mention that I'm feeling vulnerable or question her due to the indiscretions, she lashes out rather than show some empathy.  She is so nice to everyone she meets.  No one knows what is going on behind closed doors.  Recently, I believe she has been having an emotional affair with a coworker.  Not sure if it has gone farther but I would not be surprised.  If I talk about him, she gets defensive, insists nothing inappropriate is going on, and that I should trust her.  She communicates with him so much, I feel abandoned and alone. 

She says she wants to separate and go to marriage counseling and work on things but also says she doesn't see us working out either.  I just don't know that I have it in me.  I am emotionally spent.  I fear being alone if we divorce but know that staying (tough in a weird way comfortable) would be worse.  I have recently begun to reach out and gain the support of my family, her family, and some good friends.  I didn't realize how isolated I was becoming!  Also seeing a therapist on my own.  But very much struggling with the decision of trying to salvage my marriage or cut bait and move on. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.