reasons to stay NC and accept that she is out of my life

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

one month ago this was my list of reasons why i was not going to contact her. today here is my list simple and clear. compare the two and try to understand how healing can change your way of thinking... .sometimes to a simpler way.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=227092.0


reasons not to contact her now:

1- my self worth, dignity and boundaries can not let me contact her. i reject drama and crazy making in my life. i am happy with being alone than to be in a bad relationship. I am writing my own life now.

2- she has a serious mental illness and she will never change.

[antjs]

one month ago this was my list of reasons why i was not going to contact her. today here is my list simple and clear. compare the two and try to understand how healing can change your way of thinking... .sometimes to a simpler way.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=227092.0


reasons not to contact her now:

1- my self worth, dignity and boundaries can not let me contact her. i reject drama and crazy making in my life. i am happy with being alone than to be in a bad relationship. I am writing my own life now.

2- she has a serious mental illness and she will never change.

[BorisAcusio]

one month ago this was my list of reasons why i was not going to contact her. today here is my list simple and clear. compare the two and try to understand how healing can change your way of thinking... .sometimes to a simpler way.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=227092.0


reasons not to contact her now:

1- my self worth, dignity and boundaries can not let me contact her. i reject drama and crazy making in my life. i am happy with being alone than to be in a bad relationship. I am writing my own life now.

2- she has a serious mental illness and she will never change.

What about later?

[Overbeck]

When any of us breaks NC, we pretty much are writing the words HURT ME on our foreheads.

Borderlines need to survive. Much like a lion in the Wild, they find the weak member of a herd and separate it. When we break NC, we separate ourselves. 

There are some aspects of my former relationship I am not dealing with---thus, my presence here. NC is not one of them. I know if I try to speak with her that it will end very badly for me.

Your list is short and spot on. Read that list as many times a day as you need to.

[woodsposse]

When any of us breaks NC, we pretty much are writing the words HURT ME on our foreheads

This isn't necessarily true.

No Contact isn't a punishment.  No Contact isn't a self imposed exile.  No Contact isn't some invisible barrier like the other person doesn't exist and if you break NC you are doomed to fail and be crushed by the unbeatable force of a pwBPD.

No Contact is a tool.  Plain and simple.  It gives you time to clear your head, your space, your world.  It gives you time to center and focus on what is really important... .that is you.  You are the most important person in the whole wide world.

If you want to talk to your pwPD... .talk to them.  If you want to break NC... .break NC. 

Remember, it's a tool - not a sentence (as in prison sentence).

At this point you have to take into consideration that the only person who can "Hurt You"... .is you.

Your happiness starts and ends with you!

[antjs]

one month ago this was my list of reasons why i was not going to contact her. today here is my list simple and clear. compare the two and try to understand how healing can change your way of thinking... .sometimes to a simpler way.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=227092.0


reasons not to contact her now:

1- my self worth, dignity and boundaries can not let me contact her. i reject drama and crazy making in my life. i am happy with being alone than to be in a bad relationship. I am writing my own life now.

2- she has a serious mental illness and she will never change.

What about later?

later : what no contact ? who is she ? i really have trouble remembering her. i will catch you later buddy cause i am too busy in the land of awesomeness. care to join ? 

[antjs]

NC is not a punishment for anyone cause when you are really detached you do not care or focus on the other. you focus on yourself. no contact is a tool you use to detach, gain back rationality and establish your boundaries. No contact is the first step to heal, change and focus on yourself. once you accomplish these things NC is on autopilot. it is not a way to make your ex long for you. it is a way where you long to establish and build your true self. your true self that will not accept negativity in your life. your true self that will let you either change, accept or terminate what is bad for you according to whether the negative issue at hand is in our control or out of our control. in the case of BPD ex, we have the free choice and it is within our control to terminate this negative source of energy out of our lives .

this list does not concern my ex. this list a reflection and a comparison between my thought processes now and one month ago. it is an insight to me and to people here. i am sharing this to let people see hope cause it is there.