Hi byfaith,
I read the following in someone's post (great advice)
When faced with a painful situation, you really have only 4 options:
1 Solve the problem.
2 Change how you feel about the problem.
3 Accept it.
4 Stay miserable; continue to be a victim.
For over 2 years I have tried 1,2,3. I have been with my wife for over 3 years. It all just keeps piling up in my mind. I can't solve my uBPDw problems. There are so many issues is the reason I don't post that often. It seems too overwhelming to get a grip on where to begin. I read so much on here of what people are going through and the advice and feedback. I don't feel worthy to give advice yet to anyone. I seem to end up at 4 with the stay miserable part. If I am a victim it's because of me. I have LET things happen. Is it because I don't have a backbone? No. I think the bottom line is that I don't want to hurt my wife and I don't want to go through the emotional backlashes. So I have kept so many things in that its just piling up. The emotional dumpster is going to get brought in eventually and I am going to have to take care of some issues one at a time. Hopefully I will begin using these boards more often. even if it is just to vent.
The critical word here is YOU. Most of the "problems" you are trying to solve are hers. And she is not cooperating well. So they are unsolvable and you will burn our sooner or later.
We need to be more clear about what problems we accept as ours and what problems are not really ours. This is not at all simple for a co-dependent person and it will take more than venting (which is ok once in a while as e.g. it get's good discussion going). Consistent work on boundaries - drawing a few clear lines and who's problems is who's can help. The challenge will be overcoming the feeling of responsibility to fix things in yourself. Here posting on the board can be really helpful. Simply writing things down helps to clarify and seeing others struggle with the similar issues and getting their POV does a lot to getting a different perspective. And perspective matters a lot and is very, very difficult to gain when you are doing it alone.
Keep posting
