Feeling hurt and immobilzed

[flower211]

My MIL is a classic BPD who switches between Waif and Witch. Just last week she sent out a suicidal email to my SIL (because SIL refused to "be there" for her as her 24 hr sounding board and BFF) then MIL turns around the next day and acts like it was nothing. Meanwhile it got everyone upset (on purpose). My husband's oldest brother acts like a typical narcissist chauvinist,  treating everyone in the family like we all OWE him (and this attitude is prevelent amongst both his brothers- this OBLIGATION everyone is supposed to have to eachother)

What do you do when you can't stand your husband's family? It's his FAMILY for cryin out loud. But they are one painful drama after another.

I want to move away SO bad. We all live in the same state and I fantasize about it all the time. My husband is in school full time (and works full time) working towards an engineering degree so God willing we can blow this joint and say Sainora to his crazy, narcissistic mom, dad, and brothers.

And its making my husband SO tense and stressed that I feel this way. Ever since the suicide threat by his mom, he's had this horrible knot in his shoulder that was so bad he couldn't turnhis head and had to see a chiropractor (its still hurting)

But HOW can I feel otherwise?

I watch his BPD mother intentionally manipulate her sons and my husband wrote her this text a week ago saying,  "I love you, Mom" and that b___ never even RESPONDED.

(Sorry I'm cursing,... just upset... .deep breath s... .No mud, no Lotus, right? )

I jusy don't want to see him hurt anymore but I can't protect him from himself. He loves her, but she's crazy. But he still looks to her, hoping against hope she will embrace him for what he IS.

I mourn this because she will never see HIM. All she sees is herself.

[Kwamina]

Hi flower 211,

The situation you describe sounds very stressful indeed, not only for your husband but also for you. Suicide threats unfortunately are common in some people with BPD, has his mother ever done such a thing before? It can sometimes be very hard to tell, but do you feel like she's actually suicidal or that this is something she does to try and manipulate others?

You say your husband still looks to his mother hoping she will one day embrace him for who he is. Many children of BPD parents still cling to the fantasy parents they never had but still long for, accepting that it will probably remain a fantasy and never become reality can be difficult. I know from your previous posts that you've read 'understanding the borderline mother' and that you're now quite convinced that his mother has BPD. Do you feel like he too really believes this? Perhaps he believes this on a rational level but isn't quite there yet emotionally. That can take some time, I've been there myself. I have a uBPD mother too and accepting the reality of who and what she is and letting go of the fantasy-parent was and still is painful. That knot in your husband's shoulder is something I can relate to. I unfortunately experience shoulder (and neck) problems too and also in my case there's a clear link to the behavior of my BPD relatives.