Anticipating BPDsis to try to come trick or treating with DDs, need advice

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello everyone.  For years my BPDsis has come trick or treating when I took DDs out on Halloween.  She stopped for a few years because she was heavy into drugs and I wouldn't allow her around my children.  Last time I saw her was at DD9 bday party and she was extremely disrespectful to me.  I'm anticipating her texting me to ask when we are going trick or treating (she wouldn't ask if she could come, she would just assume).  Needless I don't want to see her, and I really hate drama.  Any thoughts on how I can respond, if/when she asks?  Just the thought of being around her gets my heart racing.

Thank you!

[sisterofbpd]

Hello everyone.  For years my BPDsis has come trick or treating when I took DDs out on Halloween.  She stopped for a few years because she was heavy into drugs and I wouldn't allow her around my children.  Last time I saw her was at DD9 bday party and she was extremely disrespectful to me.  I'm anticipating her texting me to ask when we are going trick or treating (she wouldn't ask if she could come, she would just assume).  Needless I don't want to see her, and I really hate drama.  Any thoughts on how I can respond, if/when she asks?  Just the thought of being around her gets my heart racing.

Thank you!

[Kwamina]

Hi sisterofBPD,

I remember your last post about what happened at your daughter's birthday party. What happened there was quite frustrating   My advice would be that if she would text you, you really don't have to respond to her text at all if you don't want to. But if you're worried that she might show up anyway even if you don't respond, I would try to communicate calmly yet clearly that you don't want her around because you find her behavior unacceptable. Based on her previous behavior it is possible that she won't react kindly to you setting this boundary, but this is also something you can (mentally) prepare yourself for. I hope this helps a bit.

[sisterofbpd]

My advice would be that if she would text you, you really don't have to respond to her text at all if you don't want to. But if you're worried that she might show up anyway even if you don't respond, I would try to communicate calmly yet clearly that you don't want her around because you find her behavior unacceptable. Based on her previous behavior it is possible that she won't react kindly to you setting this boundary, but this is also something you can (mentally) prepare yourself for. I hope this helps a bit.

Hi Kwamina,

Thanks for your thoughts.  I'm thinking about not responding.  I'm just thinking she will text me non-stop till she gets a reaction.  I've thought about also setting that boundary.  I just hate being put in that situation, like many of us with PBPDs.