Did the recycle ever last longer than the original relationship?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I have noticed that the time when the BPD behaviors show up varies a lot from person to person. Some ppl's spouses didn't show symptoms till middle age. Some started showing symptoms from first date. So the honeymoon phase/normal phase varies a lot. It is especially in our heads because we wonder if it will last for decades with their new partner.

My honeymoon phase lasted 4 weeks before I experienced her first rage. But in the first 6 months I mostly experienced a scared, suicidal child who wanted to be loved and protected and saved from her "evil parents" (they really are horrible people though). Once she went on a week long religious pilgrimage with them, she came back and broke up with me. Although in those 6 months, she never really 100% committed. But the rages were very rare. It was more crying and childish. Is that the definition of a Waif? And I felt like her guardian angel/knight/savior.

But after that first break-up, none of the recycles have lasted more than a couple of months, and none of her disappearances have lasted over 6-7 weeks. Maybe once or twice the being "normal" phase has lasted 3 months. That only happens when we didn't emotionally and physically become too close, but kept a distance. The more emotionally closer we got in the recycles, the shorter the recycle period was.

So just wondering how it was for other people and if anyone saw any patterns.

[elessar]

I have noticed that the time when the BPD behaviors show up varies a lot from person to person. Some ppl's spouses didn't show symptoms till middle age. Some started showing symptoms from first date. So the honeymoon phase/normal phase varies a lot. It is especially in our heads because we wonder if it will last for decades with their new partner.

My honeymoon phase lasted 4 weeks before I experienced her first rage. But in the first 6 months I mostly experienced a scared, suicidal child who wanted to be loved and protected and saved from her "evil parents" (they really are horrible people though). Once she went on a week long religious pilgrimage with them, she came back and broke up with me. Although in those 6 months, she never really 100% committed. But the rages were very rare. It was more crying and childish. Is that the definition of a Waif? And I felt like her guardian angel/knight/savior.

But after that first break-up, none of the recycles have lasted more than a couple of months, and none of her disappearances have lasted over 6-7 weeks. Maybe once or twice the being "normal" phase has lasted 3 months. That only happens when we didn't emotionally and physically become too close, but kept a distance. The more emotionally closer we got in the recycles, the shorter the recycle period was.

So just wondering how it was for other people and if anyone saw any patterns.

[woofhound]

But after that first break-up, none of the recycles have lasted more than a couple of months, and none of her disappearances have lasted over 6-7 weeks. Maybe once or twice the being "normal" phase has lasted 3 months. That only happens when we didn't emotionally and physically become too close, but kept a distance. The more emotionally closer we got in the recycles, the shorter the recycle period was.

So just wondering how it was for other people and if anyone saw any patterns.

Same here. Especially about the part concerning the cycles getting shorter based on the intensity of the intimacy. When things with my uBPDex I came to realize that the closer we became emotionally, the shorter the period of time between break ups or outbursts... .Most recently we recycled over the course of less than a week. One day she's telling me she wants to have my children and spend her life with me... .Three days later, she's picking a fight with me.

I wrote a song about this sentiment. Some of the lyrics are simply:

"Closer... .

closer... .

closer... .

Then gone"

Enough said.


 

[elessar]

Its funny that it gets worse for them after marriage, yet in my brain it feels that since she has been craving getting married since forever, that marriage might actually calm her down about her fears of abandonment and being alone and someone taking care of her. But these last words again tell me, marriage isn't about your spouse taking care of you. Its a partnership. Oh the confusion they give us.

Woofhound, I hear ya. If we are gonna tell someone we want to have kids with them, that is a big deal! That means we have planned our future with them. And then three days later she picks a fight with you and recycles you as if those earlier words meant nothing. It would drive a sane person insane.

[woofhound]

good thing i'm crazy too 

[Emelie Emelie]

Round one:  One year.  Round two:  (In which he was totally committed to the rs and making it work.)  Four months.

[woofhound]

Most NONs want intimacy... .BPDs, in my experience, want intimacy, then they don't, then they do again, then they out screwing a random (again, just my exp)

[xxxx]

well ... .it depends... .but  i would say that we recycled once a week for 36 years... .i'm a "girl and suck at math" so someone way smarter than me can come up with that equation... .  good luck!

[elessar]

today a woman for the first time won the highest mathematics award in the world

and wow. as much as I am miserable at her betrayal and using me as a place holder for so many years and a backup while she looked around for others, I feel that maybe I got lucky by not marrying her... .?

what made you stay that long? that's something i wonder too. growing up i read that 50% of marriages end in divorce, yet on these boards i wonder why do some people stay that long? i mean, I haven't been over her despite her first rejection of me 10 years back this coming September. Love? Marriage vows? Hoping they will turn around?

and woofhound, yea... .they totally want intimacy, but it also scares me. I dont think they never not want it, they just run away from it because they get scared that it will end or it becomes too much for them.

and emelie emelie, how are you doing now?

[xxxx]

elesaar... i stayed so long because i loved, i believed, i was was committed... .  because we had babies, because i loved and believed and was a dumbass and naive and got sucked in over my head and then the lies and threats and abuse dragged me down ... .until the only thing I thought about was ... .keeping him happy?