How quickly did they get married, and did it last?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

There are numerous stories about how quickly our exes move on and/or get married. I believe they feel marriage provides a stability they crave for, a stability they didn't have growing up.

My ex belongs to a conservative religious family. It is an extremely controlling family where at the age of 30 she still lives at home and shares a bed with her sister. It is an enmeshed family where all three generations go outside for everything... .even a tiny thing as grocery shopping or icecream, or sit and watch TV each evening. No one is allowed to spend time without the family, not even as simple a thing as coming from work and reading a book quietly. My ex was the only one who used to stand up to it, when none of her siblings do, and she is the only one who dared to stay out for a few mins or couple of hours after work.

She broke up with me back in 2006 saying 1. her family wouldn't approve of an infidel (me) 2. i wasn't ready to support her. Point 2 brings me to an interesting point... .by support she means that I have to earn enough money myself to provide the lifestyle she currently has (courtesy of daddy) without her having to work. It is baffling because as a dentist she earns over a 6 figure income. Because I do not have her income, I am "not her equal" and "cannot provide her financial stability". It is hurtful considering we grew up together, studied together, and I am a well qualified scientist without any debt and a good income.

Back in 2006, she said that since we are broken up, she is going to get married very soon. She returned in 2010 and said she wanted to see me once because she is going to get married within a few months. In a couple of months we were together (not sure if we really were since she couldnt make up her mind). She would keep asking "why am I not getting proposals from other men". It would make me angry because I would wonder why does she even care because we are together. Within a few months she broke up again and her parents had picked a guy for her, and she said why should I marry you when marrying him will make my parents happy. Fast forward a year and early last year within an idealization phase she suddenly paints me black and starts seeing some guy her parents would approve. Comes back 6 weeks later saying "I nearly got married". Then spends the next few months seeing others or talking to them online and telling me how she can't get emotionally close to anyone.

Fast forward to this April she tells me her family is crazy for forcing her to get married. Yet in late May she went with her family to meet the guy and his family three states away. During this entire time she tries to be as close to me as if it is 2011 or 2006 and declares her love and desire to marry me. Yet in early July she has a third different profile up in a matrimonial website. 2 days later in an afternoon she is all romantic, and wants to get married to me. When I tell her "your father will still not agree", few hours later she has decided to marry the guy they all met in late May.

This time has been different from all other times - she has completely replaced me from places where we were our only contacts... .be it social media or messengers. If i was her only contact, now the new guy is her only contact. And within a couple of days she started flirting with him online. Nothing should shock me, yet it is quite painful to see how quickly she went from me to him. And she wants to get married this month. Within 2 hrs of telling me she wants to marry me, she says yes to another guy. within two weeks of sleeping with me she has replaced me. And if she gets married this month, it will be within 2 months. And if she wanted to marry him, why make a new online profile two days prior to her decision. But then, none of her decisions have ever lasted more than a few weeks... .

I am in therapy (for the 4th time). This time I am not stopping till I am healed. I haven't made any contact with her in last 29 days, since her decision. Although she 'liked' something I posted on FB 2 days back (we aren't FB friends). I worry if that is a slow step 1 of charming (it always starts that way), or trying to see if I might reciprocate in some way and gauge if she still has control over me... .

[elessar]

There are numerous stories about how quickly our exes move on and/or get married. I believe they feel marriage provides a stability they crave for, a stability they didn't have growing up.

My ex belongs to a conservative religious family. It is an extremely controlling family where at the age of 30 she still lives at home and shares a bed with her sister. It is an enmeshed family where all three generations go outside for everything... .even a tiny thing as grocery shopping or icecream, or sit and watch TV each evening. No one is allowed to spend time without the family, not even as simple a thing as coming from work and reading a book quietly. My ex was the only one who used to stand up to it, when none of her siblings do, and she is the only one who dared to stay out for a few mins or couple of hours after work.

She broke up with me back in 2006 saying 1. her family wouldn't approve of an infidel (me) 2. i wasn't ready to support her. Point 2 brings me to an interesting point... .by support she means that I have to earn enough money myself to provide the lifestyle she currently has (courtesy of daddy) without her having to work. It is baffling because as a dentist she earns over a 6 figure income. Because I do not have her income, I am "not her equal" and "cannot provide her financial stability". It is hurtful considering we grew up together, studied together, and I am a well qualified scientist without any debt and a good income.

Back in 2006, she said that since we are broken up, she is going to get married very soon. She returned in 2010 and said she wanted to see me once because she is going to get married within a few months. In a couple of months we were together (not sure if we really were since she couldnt make up her mind). She would keep asking "why am I not getting proposals from other men". It would make me angry because I would wonder why does she even care because we are together. Within a few months she broke up again and her parents had picked a guy for her, and she said why should I marry you when marrying him will make my parents happy. Fast forward a year and early last year within an idealization phase she suddenly paints me black and starts seeing some guy her parents would approve. Comes back 6 weeks later saying "I nearly got married". Then spends the next few months seeing others or talking to them online and telling me how she can't get emotionally close to anyone.

Fast forward to this April she tells me her family is crazy for forcing her to get married. Yet in late May she went with her family to meet the guy and his family three states away. During this entire time she tries to be as close to me as if it is 2011 or 2006 and declares her love and desire to marry me. Yet in early July she has a third different profile up in a matrimonial website. 2 days later in an afternoon she is all romantic, and wants to get married to me. When I tell her "your father will still not agree", few hours later she has decided to marry the guy they all met in late May.

This time has been different from all other times - she has completely replaced me from places where we were our only contacts... .be it social media or messengers. If i was her only contact, now the new guy is her only contact. And within a couple of days she started flirting with him online. Nothing should shock me, yet it is quite painful to see how quickly she went from me to him. And she wants to get married this month. Within 2 hrs of telling me she wants to marry me, she says yes to another guy. within two weeks of sleeping with me she has replaced me. And if she gets married this month, it will be within 2 months. And if she wanted to marry him, why make a new online profile two days prior to her decision. But then, none of her decisions have ever lasted more than a few weeks... .

I am in therapy (for the 4th time). This time I am not stopping till I am healed. I haven't made any contact with her in last 29 days, since her decision. Although she 'liked' something I posted on FB 2 days back (we aren't FB friends). I worry if that is a slow step 1 of charming (it always starts that way), or trying to see if I might reciprocate in some way and gauge if she still has control over me... .