Shade of Grey?

[Flora73]

Hi All,

four weeks ago when I spoke to my exBPDgf she said she didn't like me.

two weeks ago shed said there are things about me she doesn't like.

Last week she said there are things she doesn't like about me but I don't need to change?

Am I a shade of Grey in between black and white?

Could this be a something in-between?

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[maxsterling]

I think when they talk about "black and white" with this disorder, they mean as emotions or feelings.  So when they feel something, they either feel 100% bad about it or 100% good. All anger or all joy.  I don't think that means they can't at some point rationally come up with pluses and minuses, it just doesn't come easily or quickly for them.  I think for most of us, we tend to see silver linings, not let one bad egg spoil the dozen, etc.  And when something does go wrong we still see a grain of good somewhere.  Think about it, after all the crap we put up with in these r/s, we aren't labeling our significant others as pure evil.  With them, if we blow our nose too loudly we can be the devil incarnate. 

My guess is to what is going on here is that she still feels quite negatively about you, but the real and intense hatred has worn off, and the things she is saying she doesn't like about you are things the is projecting in order to justify her negative feeling.  I take notice that she hasn't mentioned that she likes certain things about you... .

[Flora73]

Lol good point, she has projected that I'm just like my farther but have some good qualities. As this was a projection I feel it was more about her than myself. Her farther is BPD/NPD

She never gives compliments... .Only compliment I really ever got was on my last recycle make up that I was the most loving person she has ever known. 2 nights before the last breakup I was "a good man" etc etc