Nights apart

[Flora73]

Hi everyone,

My exgf BPD would always need two nights apart to recharge (transparent / introvert) she said it was because she didn't need to be with me every night, needed alone time and there was no other reason.

When we broke up she said she wanted to be with someone every night... .

Can anyone explain this? = "didn't need to be with me every night, needed alone time and there was no other reason"

thank you

[Flora73]

Gosh... .I just had a thought... .

This could have been push / pull as she use to get off on the fact I wanted to spend most nights with her.

I would get reprimanded for wanting to see her to much... .

And then if I ever had to wk late / cancel hell was to pay.

Any ideas?

Please 

[seeking balance]

BPD is an attachment disorder - triggered by both Fear of Abandonment and Fear of Engulfment... .both are extreme fears to either real or perceived situations with intimate relationships.

Could it be push/pull - maybe

Is it a red flag - maybe

When we start analyzing the details, sometimes we make ourselves crazy, because honestly, it is reasonable to want a couple nights alone early on... .it is only by the patterns of the entire relationship that we can see that perhaps this was a red flag.

It is common to analyze during the bargaining phase of grief.  One thing for sure, trying to make rational sense of BPD actions is crazy making for us.  Focus on the facts of the disorder, at the clinical level - this can help you depersonalize so you can detach and feel the other feelings of grief.

Peace,

SB