Struggling with Anger

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Ok so my gf moved out yesterday and has put herself in a very crappy situation.

I am struggling with anger I have because she has blamed my son for making her uncomfortable and causing her to move.  I have no doubt she believes this.  I also have no doubt that my son did absolutely nothing to warrant her reactions.

My parent defenses kick in a bit and I am haunted by my son's sad reaction to the BPDgf abruptly leaving.  I feel like she hurt him.

I know she doesn't know what she is doing and mentally am trying to cut her slack but there are so many wrong things about this it is hard for me not to be angry.

Any thoughts?

[nowwhatz]

Ok so my gf moved out yesterday and has put herself in a very crappy situation.

I am struggling with anger I have because she has blamed my son for making her uncomfortable and causing her to move.  I have no doubt she believes this.  I also have no doubt that my son did absolutely nothing to warrant her reactions.

My parent defenses kick in a bit and I am haunted by my son's sad reaction to the BPDgf abruptly leaving.  I feel like she hurt him.

I know she doesn't know what she is doing and mentally am trying to cut her slack but there are so many wrong things about this it is hard for me not to be angry.

Any thoughts?

[KateCat]

Yes!

With all the drama and chaos of the last few years for you and your girlfriend, it's no wonder that you are a mess of tangled emotions and conflicted thoughts. I think a professional counselor will be the best person--by far--to help you begin to sort it all out.

[nowwhatz]

Yes!

With all the drama and chaos of the last few years for you and your girlfriend, it's no wonder that you are a mess of tangled emotions and conflicted thoughts. I think a professional counselor will be the best person--by far--to help you begin to sort it all out.

Thanks KateCat!

You are always there with intelligent insight.  Too bad I am so impatient I want it all to be sorted out now

[KateCat]

I always got my "Hunter S. Thompson narrative" fix by reading your continuing adventures and misadventures.  (Maybe it's that running to Vegas stuff you were doing that made me think of him when I read your posts.)

But, seriously, I think it's a great time for you to take a different path. The long, slow, deliberate one.

One thing that could be really good about starting to sort things out with a professional--I think I'd choose another male, if I were you--is it might provide you with some solid ways to help your son. In one way or another he's seen his dad expend all kinds of energy and funds on a situation that he has to know was very compelling to his dad. And he knows you're confused.

Learning about why all this happened, and being honest with your son about the reasons and the cost, could be a gift to your son. Could prevent him, even, from following the same path with respect to romantic relationships and choice of female partner.

[nowwhatz]

I always got my "Hunter S. Thompson narrative" fix by reading your continuing adventures and misadventures.  (Maybe it's that running to Vegas stuff you were doing that made me think of him when I read your posts.)

But, seriously, I think it's a great time for you to take a different path. The long, slow, deliberate one.

One thing that could be really good about starting to sort things out with a professional--I think I'd choose another male, if I were you--is it might provide you with some solid ways to help your son. In one way or another he's seen his dad expend all kinds of energy and funds on a situation that he has to know was very compelling to his dad. And he knows you're confused.

Learning about why all this happened, and being honest with your son about the reasons and the cost, could be a gift to your son. Could prevent him, even, from following the same path with respect to romantic relationships and choice of female partner.

KateCat I don't know where to even start. No doubt I have enough misadventures with this woman to fill more pages than anything hunter s thompson put on paper. At least hunter s thompson had an excuse for his misadventures - drugs and alcohol. I have been riding The Zipper for 4 years now totally sober... .and the ride goes on and on and on. Maybe it is time to start drinking!

I don't know how to get off this ride but it is getting old and rickety and eventually will collapse taking me down with it.

I was in therapy for 2 years during some of the wildest moments on my long ride.  The last several months have been relatively stable but the facts tell a story.

I am broke. My work is suffering. I am stressed and suddenly feel old. my friends are all gone. The BPDgf is days away from a homeless shelter unless I can or will somehow put her in a apt.

Will talk to the va medical and tell them I need emergency therapy and see where it goes.

If it is any consolation the gf is less attractive to me... .put on weight... .selfish etc. Maybe that will be the impetus for me to finally let her go.

[KateCat]

I think you have a lot of strength (congratulations on the sobriety!) and a lot of life left in you.

Now, with your sobriety starting to take hold, I no longer imagine you committing suicide at age sixty and having your ashes shot out of a cannon. 

But you're going to have to do the basic, tedious stuff of building yourself from scratch now, aren't you? What are your first principles? Your mission statement? Your values?

It makes sense to me that with this basic stuff still a little bit shaky for you, you cannot yet define what your relationship to the woman in question here is.

You probably can't go wrong by putting your son and your relationship with him first. You can start today to make sure you leave him with a very different legacy than the one Thompson left his son Juan. 

None of this stuff is any fun. But you can do it.

[nowwhatz]

I think you have a lot of strength (congratulations on the sobriety!) and a lot of life left in you.

Now, with your sobriety starting to take hold, I no longer imagine you committing suicide at age sixty and having your ashes shot out of a cannon. 

But you're going to have to do the basic, tedious stuff of building yourself from scratch now, aren't you? What are your first principles? Your mission statement? Your values?

It makes sense to me that with this basic stuff still a little bit shaky for you, you cannot yet define what your relationship to the woman in question here is.

You probably can't go wrong by putting your son and your relationship with him first. You can start today to make sure you leave him with a very different legacy than the one Thompson left his son Juan. 

None of this stuff is any fun. But you can do it.

Everything is very shaky to me right now.  I am still trying to figure out what happened.  I have been sober my entire life... .just an occasional beer every now and then... .but thanks!

Not being an alcoholic or drug addict didn't stop me from getting into this tangled r/s I don't know how to get out of.

My son needs me but I am a mess.  I don't think I can do anything to help him if I can't take care of myself.  I am exhausted from lack of sleep.  No more anger though.

[KateCat]

Oh, sorry I thought you were an alcoholic! No wonder you sound so, you know, "aware."

[nowwhatz]

Oh, sorry I thought you were an alcoholic! No wonder you sound so, you know, "aware."

Oh haha.

it's times like these when I wish i was an alcoholic!  I'm aware of too many things.  Maybe there are some anti-awareness self-help resources.