Him isolating and wanting to move "again"...

[Vindi]

ok, we've been together 9 years... .when we first met it was his idea to "move" (he thought of moving within the first 8 mos of dating)... .so yes, I foolishly agreed, wanted a change of scenery maybe think that life would be better in another state. So yes, sold the house and moved about 3 hours away, to the next state, which was woodsy and peaceful... .i became so lonely after a few years and not being able to find suitable employment... .we ended up moving

back to my original state... .ff now after being here for 4 years... .We live in the New England area, and yes, winters are cold, and snowy, they are long winters... .and now HE decides and thinks its a good idea to move to FL... .thing is, i have some family that lives in FL and would like to be close in range (maybe 2 hours away, tops)... .but where HE wants to live is 3 1/2 hours away... .I just don't get it. This whole topic started with HIM wanting to move, and now I feel like i was thrown in the fire pit and have to start making plans on where we are going to live... .

I dont know... .maybe his thinking is warped, he did this with his 1st wife, after marrying her they moved for 2 years, and then his ex was homesick and they ended up coming back to the homestate.

Me & him have done this about 8 years ago... .and now I am back at my homestate, and yet he wants to move again... .I really feel confused and not sure if this is a common thing with a PW BPD?

for now I told him, i need to think about things, then again, i don't know how to delicately talk to him about options etc... .

thanks for listening!

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[maxsterling]

I know my fiancé is a "runner".  She takes the "grass is greener" approach, and never feels like she has some place to call a home.  She's lived in half a dozen different countries, had more addresses than she can remember, and hasn't been in the same place for more than a few years.  Actually, her being here for a year and a half may be close to her all time record.

And every few weeks, she comes up with an idea of some place else to live.  Not that she has really done the research, it's just that she doesn't want to be HERE.  Not that "here" is anything bad, "here" is wherever she is.  She just never wants to be where she is for very long. 

It's not just places to live, it's boyfriends, jobs, interests, diets, or clothes.  And it's all part of BPD.  Not sure what to do about it.  But a few weeks ago, it became a big rage when she randomly blurted out "I hate it here, I want to move" and I didn't respond quick enough.

[Vindi]

thanks Max, i guess i am not alone... .well, i am going to think long and hard about any "moves" cuz honestly, i've been there / done that... .approach, and it did not work.

Yes, i can see doing some "research" on locations and what not, spending a long time deciding and preparing, not just jumping the gun.

For now I am ok... .I told him I can't and won't think of anything for a few months, i have alot of other things going on in my life and don't want to "jump" at any opportunity to move.

There goes alot with it, selling the house, will our current house even sell, it needs so much upgrading... .what about a new job and cost of living, not even sure how that will go... .so yes, it takes alot of time and thinking and having a plan a, b and c in order... .not just a plan A to move... .its not that easy.

I guess i am answering some of my own questions now... .

[Bear60]

I can see this in my uBPDw not to the extent with you but don't understand the reasoning they have in doing so.

We live in a RV so space is tight, she wants a house or apt because there is not enough room but she does nothing to organize or keep up after herself and in past we were in both house and apt but things were still a mess.

She says she needs friends and by moving some place else she could find them? Yes it is transient here but many return regularly, but it is abandonment to her when they leave.

She gets upset that people are always around and stop by so she thinks it would be better elsewhere. We had same issue in house and apt.

She will tell everyone else how she loves it here and no cheaper living then an hour later raging at me how she hates it.