My BPDexbf took pleasure in my emotional pain

[Harlygirl]

My BPDexbf seemed to enjoy, smiling inappropriately when I was clearly upset, or expressing my feelings.  Especially, when he was clearly the source of that pain.  Why

[OutOfEgypt]

I know this is true for my ex.  She even admitted it to me on a few occasions, while looking back on past years together.  She said that she enjoyed doing things that made me suffer in anguish, as punishment for how I disappointed her and failed her.  She liked seeing me suffer.  She also admitted that she got a sexual rise out of rejecting men in order to go sleep with "her man", whoever that may be at the moment.  Having her admit these things really helped me in some ways.  It connected the dots because I really *felt* this from her for a long time.  Of course, this doesn't mean we can attribute everything to sadism, but there was/is an admittedly sadistic streak in her.

[LuckyNicki]

I dont why people want to torture others emotionally.  I know I got my fair share of obvious emotional torture.  Given enough time, you will laugh at how pity and small the offender really is by doing this. 

[Popcorn71]

My BPDexbf seemed to enjoy, smiling inappropriately when I was clearly upset, or expressing my feelings.  Especially, when he was clearly the source of that pain.  Why

I only saw this at the very end of our marriage.  My xBPDh clearly enjoyed telling me about the replacement.  He slowly revealed little details without ever giving the full story.  He was really getting a kick out of my pain and bewilderment.

I think it was some sort of warped revenge for all the wrongdoings I may or may not have done to him during the years we were together.

As for this behaviour whilst still in a relationship, I think it comes down to control.  He may have enjoyed being able to 'make you' be upset.

[Caredverymuch]

My BPDexbf seemed to enjoy, smiling inappropriately when I was clearly upset, or expressing my feelings.  Especially, when he was clearly the source of that pain.  Why

The answer may not be as easy to understand as thought bc the behavior is rooted in the disorder and triggered by the situation.

[2014]

mine liked to be a bit sadistic and degrading in the bedroom.

Also, when he discarded me, he rubbed my replacement in my face, by text, by social media etc.

It was overly clear he enjoyed me having pain.

[RisingSun]

My BPDexbf seemed to enjoy, smiling inappropriately when I was clearly upset, or expressing my feelings.  Especially, when he was clearly the source of that pain.  Why

I only saw this at the very end of our marriage.  My xBPDh clearly enjoyed telling me about the replacement.  He slowly revealed little details without ever giving the full story.  He was really getting a kick out of my pain and bewilderment.

I think it was some sort of warped revenge for all the wrongdoings I may or may not have done to him during the years we were together.

As for this behaviour whilst still in a relationship, I think it comes down to control.  He may have enjoyed being able to 'make you' be upset.

Sorry you went through this. I know first hand how painful it is.

I as well saw for the first time, at the end of our marriage, how she seemed to enjoy seeing me in immense pain. She would tell me wall about her deep

feelings for the replacement. She would also withhold certain information about their "amazing connection" by telling me she was afraid that if she told

me everything I would just get more upset. Somethings are more painful when left to our imaginations. This added to my pain, not help relieve it, she knew this.

She would also go on and on about their special connection, knowing and seeing how it effected me. She would say, "at least I'm being honest with you".

There were times close to the end when I would be crying my eyes out after hearing about the OM. I would look up at her and she would be smiling!

Her response would either be "I didn't realize you loved me so much" or "i don't understand why this is upsetting you".

She hadn't an ounce of empathy.

I'm not sure it was pleasure she was getting from my pain though. I think she was milking my emotions in a way that built her self esteem / confidence. If she

could make me this upset by her moving on with another man she must be worth something. It was like a form of sick validation to her. She fed off of my pain

and grief. It wasn't about pleasure. It was about feeding off my pure, raw emotional energy.

[2014]

My BPDexbf seemed to enjoy, smiling inappropriately when I was clearly upset, or expressing my feelings.  Especially, when he was clearly the source of that pain.  Why

I only saw this at the very end of our marriage.  My xBPDh clearly enjoyed telling me about the replacement.  He slowly revealed little details without ever giving the full story.  He was really getting a kick out of my pain and bewilderment.

I think it was some sort of warped revenge for all the wrongdoings I may or may not have done to him during the years we were together.

As for this behaviour whilst still in a relationship, I think it comes down to control.  He may have enjoyed being able to 'make you' be upset.

Sorry you went through this. I know first hand how painful it is.

I as well saw for the first time, at the end of our marriage, how she seemed to enjoy seeing me in immense pain. She would tell me wall about her deep

feelings for the replacement. She would also withhold certain information about their "amazing connection" by telling me she was afraid that if she told

me everything I would just get more upset. Somethings are more painful when left to our imaginations. This added to my pain, not help relieve it, she knew this.

She would also go on and on about their special connection, knowing and seeing how it effected me. She would say, "at least I'm being honest with you".

There were times close to the end when I would be crying my eyes out after hearing about the OM. I would look up at her and she would be smiling!

Her response would either be "I didn't realize you loved me so much" or "i don't understand why this is upsetting you".

She hadn't an ounce of empathy.

I'm not sure it was pleasure she was getting from my pain though. I think she was milking my emotions in a way that built her self esteem / confidence. If she

could make me this upset by her moving on with another man she must be worth something. It was like a form of sick validation to her. She fed off of my pain

and grief. It wasn't about pleasure. It was about feeding off my pure, raw emotional energy.

Wow, This is a whole new level of emotional sadism imo: "She would also withhold certain information about their "amazing connection" by telling me she was afraid that if she told me everything I would just get more upset."

Just wanted to say: so so sorry this was done to you.

[camuse]

Horrific. So so so sorry.

I'm so glad I got out before she could do this to me.  I went NC because I sensed my replacement was about to be unveiled. After a few weeks I found out about him and confronted her. She told a friend of a friend that I had made her feel worse than ever before in her life. I don't feel good about that, but I know she was about to rub him in my face and I'm very very glad for myself that I got there first.

They are monsters.

[MommaBear]

My BPDexbf seemed to enjoy, smiling inappropriately when I was clearly upset, or expressing my feelings.  Especially, when he was clearly the source of that pain.  Why

I only saw this at the very end of our marriage.  My xBPDh clearly enjoyed telling me about the replacement.  He slowly revealed little details without ever giving the full story.  He was really getting a kick out of my pain and bewilderment.

I think it was some sort of warped revenge for all the wrongdoings I may or may not have done to him during the years we were together.

As for this behaviour whilst still in a relationship, I think it comes down to control.  He may have enjoyed being able to 'make you' be upset.

I could have written BOTH of these posts.

Scary how similar our experiences are. I wish I knew WHY they did it?