Processing doubt

[Blimblam]

I have made a lot of progress.  There came a moment to make a leap of faith last Friday for me. There was still lingering doubt.  This entire week I have been experiencing doubt. It is a difficult emotion to process by it's very nature.  Any advice would be appreciated. 

[BuildingFromScratch]

I highly suggest doubting your doubt, just don't doubt your doubts doubts doubt though. All joking aside, I would say doubt is more of a thought process than an emotion. To resolve it you just decide if you think the doubt is useful to you or not? What are you doubting anyways Blim?

[Blimblam]

It is difficult to explain.  I was experiencing a pretty solid stream of insight last week. Then doubt crept up into my mind.  I couldn't really feel the somatic emotion of it.  Then today I felt it in my gut just in the last few hours. It is highly uncomfortable to feel. I am feel an internal struggle.  This is good that it has sunk into my body to be felt and processed.  Feeling it out in bits at a time.  It is like I am learning to do this meditative practice all over again from the beginning.

I had gotten so comfortable processing what it was I felt in my heart. Now it's time for the gut I suppose.

[Blimblam]

Thanks building that doubting the doubt rose up some anger in me now I can really feel it churning in my gut. Almost ready to overwhelm me.

[Blimblam]

Well the doubt arose when I looked closer at the one dollar bill and realized many if the symbols I envisioned are encoded or implied on it. Then I started contemplating throwing coins in water as a wish into the abyss of the subconscious that would reimergence as the water to make a wish and realized the dollar would float.  The dick faced one would walk on water.

[Danie14]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, the doubt thing. From my own life I can say that doubt is a killer for me. It keeps me kinda frozen in space, in time. I want to make the right decisions and feel as if any decision I do make will greatly impact my children. It will, there's no questioning that. Well, how I proceed with the decisions I do make is what will really impact them, not the decisions themselves.

I questions many things in this life, the status quos, the reasoning for this or that, why one does what they do... .heck even bigger things. My mind just keeps picking away until I can find a sound place to sit on and see what's around me. I'm also a reflective person, too... .but there's much more to me that these two things.

To be honest, this experience with a probably BPD husband... .well, he has me questioning so much, things I can see plainly with my own two eyes, things my family/friends can see plainly... .and I question... .because he says it isn't so or what have you. So I doubt my own self, I doubt those I love who never hurt me, you know? Why?

I guess it comes down to wanting to believe something that has no place in reality, . But really... .why do I doubt myself? Probably has to do with being a perfectionist, with being hard on myself, with believing that I am responsible... .which has a lot to do with how I grew up and all that. Programmed? Maybe... .habit more likely.

I don't know if these thoughts of mine help you at all but I do hope so... .

[enlighten me]

Its only natural to have doubts as we have so many unanswered questions.

The way I deal with them is through logic.

For instance I think my exgf didn't actually love me and was using me for the whole time. Then doubt creeps in. Maybe she did love me. I then apply logic and come to the conclusion that what she represented as love was more like gratitude for filling a need within her. If she had truly loved me then she wouldn't have treated me like she did and would have been able to open up to me.

There are many occasions though that we have no logical way of working through things. In these occasions I go for the option that would cause me the most pain if it were true. This might seem masochistic but it helps in a couple of ways. Firstly it helps me to detach from my exgf. Secondly it protects me if I ever did find out that she had done it.

Im not saying it is the answer but it is what has worked for me.

[Blimblam]

Thanks all

It began to sink down into my gut today and i processed some of it.  I guess when i am ready I will do more of that. When the doubt is up in my head it is so confusing.  I got so used to processing what was in  my heart.  Processesing what's in my gut is a new struggle. I suppoce I will struggle with it for a while before accepting it.

[MammaMia]

Blimblam

Over-analyzing creates more problems than it solves.  Sometimes, there just are no answers.  So, we need to accept what has happened and not rationalize. 

We cannot change the past.  Look forward not backward.  Let it go.

[Blimblam]

Thank you for the concern mamma mia

The doubt is the remnants of my ego struggling for survival.  As my ego dies off I become more and more aware of it as a construct through which my true self communicates through.  I can also sense extra dimensional beings I will call "archetypes" who attach to my ego to create the persona through which I  interface with.  The attempts of these archetypes to boost my ego to rebuild it is interesting to be aware of. They offer me power and desire to be indentified as who I am.

Doubt and fear is the weapon of choice for the archetypes, as they desire to remain in control.  It is funny because as soon as I felt a big surge of energy from processing so many parts of myself lurking in the shadow I had a incredibly gorgeous 20 year old offer herself to me.  A group of friends desiring my presence.  A whole new fantasy to get lost in with newfound power of so many lost parts to be able to rebuild my ego stronger than ever.  I would rather let it die. Let my true self come into being and bind the archetypes and ego to the will of the true self.

[Pingo]

Blimblam, I think you are doing exactly what you need to do by feeling the doubt in your gut.  For me, doubt comes from not trusting in my own feelings or a right to my feelings, which originates from my FOO issues... .Uncovering these origins have helped me really feel the doubts and then let them go as I build my own trust in myself.