I tried very hard to keep my family together-to be the bridge between my BPD son who is now 23 and my husband and my three other children. I spent years refereeing, defending and enabling my son because I just didn't see that he treated me totally differently to the way he treated my husband and my eldest son. He literally drove my husband who is the nicest most patient guy in the world to depression PTSD and almost broke him.
It wasn't until my son really tried to break up my marriage and I told him quite clearly that I would always support his father that I saw the other side of my son. I became the enemy, the one who had to be brought down, the one he terrorized and the one who felt she was going to have heart failure through sheer fear.
So here's my thought for you. Before you make any decisions either way, try and persuade your husband to go to counseling with you. Try and listen to his side of the story as well. I'm not saying he is right and I'm totally aware that everything you are doing is out of love, but having been in that impossible situation, I tried to take a step back and see it another way.
Currently, my son is in a safe place, had found a job and is living rent free in an apartment we pay for with one of his brothers but he broke off all contact with me for 'siding' with his father. So all those years of 150% of my love etc didn't mean much to him after all.
Please take care of yourself as well as your children and remember you deserve support and a life too.