Figuring out how to handle this from others experience

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm thinking of telling them something. Not afraid mom will spin it against me. Both do not trust her on practically anything. S11 doesn't even trust her when he is ill even though she is a nurse. He will actually call me to make sure what she is telling him is true when he is with her.

Apparently, ex called to talk to the boys today. S15 told her that he was finished all his computer projects for the coming year. He has been working on them all summer. I stayed out of it mostly and he figured it out on his own. I gave him the incentive, already cleared through the school and he doesn't know, that if he did all his projects he could get credit for the class and take the remaining computer class the school has to offer. This way he can attend a local community college his junior and senior year and take one course each year there in computer science. Several weeks ago ex got wind of it and talked to him about it. She told him if he completed everything she would let him get the computer of his dreams. I already know what he wants to build and I simply told him I didn't think that was doable since it is close to $14,000. He understood and I suggested he find something in a more reasonable range. He agreed but said he would ask for that first. The story is much longer and he is a reasonable person and did realize that was a lot of money for a computer. He actually showed me months before all the different things available today for supercharged computers. I grew up in the automobile age with high performance rebuilt engines and the like so I get it from that point.

Anyway, when she told him that she would buy him the computer of his dreams he asked her to repeat it. She did but this time he had his phone recording the conversation. Well the conversation today was about him getting a new computer at her place. She denied ever promising him a new computer. The conversation got heated and he said he was hanging up because he didn't want to argue with her. He then sent an email with the conversation he recorded. He wrote nothing in the email. She sent 5 emails in reply to him. One she threatened him with legal action for recording a conversation.

I learned about this after the fact. We talked about it and came to the conclusion, mostly him, that when she picked him up she would probably rip into him. He is basically sick of her promising all kinds of things and never delivering on her promises. During their conversation she mentioned she wanted to take them to an amusement park they have never been to around this area. Just so happens that she talked to S11 before and he told her where we were going tomorrow. Yep, the same place.

[david]

I'm thinking of telling them something. Not afraid mom will spin it against me. Both do not trust her on practically anything. S11 doesn't even trust her when he is ill even though she is a nurse. He will actually call me to make sure what she is telling him is true when he is with her.

Apparently, ex called to talk to the boys today. S15 told her that he was finished all his computer projects for the coming year. He has been working on them all summer. I stayed out of it mostly and he figured it out on his own. I gave him the incentive, already cleared through the school and he doesn't know, that if he did all his projects he could get credit for the class and take the remaining computer class the school has to offer. This way he can attend a local community college his junior and senior year and take one course each year there in computer science. Several weeks ago ex got wind of it and talked to him about it. She told him if he completed everything she would let him get the computer of his dreams. I already know what he wants to build and I simply told him I didn't think that was doable since it is close to $14,000. He understood and I suggested he find something in a more reasonable range. He agreed but said he would ask for that first. The story is much longer and he is a reasonable person and did realize that was a lot of money for a computer. He actually showed me months before all the different things available today for supercharged computers. I grew up in the automobile age with high performance rebuilt engines and the like so I get it from that point.

Anyway, when she told him that she would buy him the computer of his dreams he asked her to repeat it. She did but this time he had his phone recording the conversation. Well the conversation today was about him getting a new computer at her place. She denied ever promising him a new computer. The conversation got heated and he said he was hanging up because he didn't want to argue with her. He then sent an email with the conversation he recorded. He wrote nothing in the email. She sent 5 emails in reply to him. One she threatened him with legal action for recording a conversation.

I learned about this after the fact. We talked about it and came to the conclusion, mostly him, that when she picked him up she would probably rip into him. He is basically sick of her promising all kinds of things and never delivering on her promises. During their conversation she mentioned she wanted to take them to an amusement park they have never been to around this area. Just so happens that she talked to S11 before and he told her where we were going tomorrow. Yep, the same place.

[whirlpoollife]

Sept 15. I am 95% ready. I have a few things to put together for my atty but he has the major stuff already.

Wishing you a good outcome

[david]

Saw my atty yesterday. He sounded very confidant. Apparently, ex's lawyer is going to ask that the judge recuse himself. Her atty wants another atty to preside over the hearing. My atty said that will not happen. I gave my atty the rest of the things I have. He looked it over and said he would be using that too.

Ex sent an email to one of S15's teachers a few days ago. The email made no sense at all and shows that ex doesn't have any idea what S15 is doing in school. For some reason she forwarded the email to me too ? Ex asked if S15 should be taking Alg 2 this year . She thinks he may not be able to handle the workload. Problem is he took that class last year and he is taking Geometry this year. It wasn't a simple error from the length of her email and the rest of the contents.

[Nope]

Sounds like she is trying to look like an involved parent now that court is looming. It also sounds like that backfired badly.

[david]

S15 turned 16 on 9/11. I picked the boys up at school.                                                           He told me that his mom talked to him the other day about back to school night which was on Tuesday. I always go and she did show up. Part of their conversation was about how ex thought his biology teacher was nice. Problem with that is he had that class last year too. He is taking chemistry this year. Ex and I were both in the class and it was very obvious that it was a chemistry class and not a biology class.

S16 talked about other things too. The big thing he noticed was that she was trying to talk to him this last week. It is not "normal" for her to do that. He picked up on it and asked me if something was going on with me and his mom and the courts. I haven't spoken to either boy about the hearing so it was pretty perceptive of him to figure that out. I told him that there was an upcoming court date and left it at that. I did ask if his mom talked to him about it and he said no. He did say he "kind of figured she was up to something". That is the kind of stuff that upsets me the most but I do realize there is nothing I can do about his relationship with his mom.

[maxen]

the best of luck to you monday