letting go

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Its been about a month since I heartbreakingly faced the fact I had to walk away and not look back. Im 6 days into NC and I struggle. Ive deleted all messages and voice mails and videos. Images and sounds I would look at and smile oblivious to the pain and tears that filled the long gap between the smiles. I burned a flash drive and two notebooks full of things I felt and wanted to say. Pieces of my heart and soul via the written word I created for her. As I watched them burn in my fireplace i wept deep and painful. My greatest works and things of  beauty went up in flames. I love to write and it is a deeply personal thing for me as I write better than I speak. Watching the smoke and flame cascade up and away left the same pain as when I found my son had died. But I have reconnected with my writing and have been gradually writing about the last eight years. The cruel ballet from friends to lovers to soul mates to strangers to friends and in the end the best friend Ive ever had... .all a charade performed by a troubled and ill mind. When I put my thoughts to paper I let the pain inside out. Ive found letting it go awakens more of me I suffocated for her. We can do this. If I could I would give all of you a giant honest hug from the heart. We can do this... .

[Whiteytheox72]

Its been about a month since I heartbreakingly faced the fact I had to walk away and not look back. Im 6 days into NC and I struggle. Ive deleted all messages and voice mails and videos. Images and sounds I would look at and smile oblivious to the pain and tears that filled the long gap between the smiles. I burned a flash drive and two notebooks full of things I felt and wanted to say. Pieces of my heart and soul via the written word I created for her. As I watched them burn in my fireplace i wept deep and painful. My greatest works and things of  beauty went up in flames. I love to write and it is a deeply personal thing for me as I write better than I speak. Watching the smoke and flame cascade up and away left the same pain as when I found my son had died. But I have reconnected with my writing and have been gradually writing about the last eight years. The cruel ballet from friends to lovers to soul mates to strangers to friends and in the end the best friend Ive ever had... .all a charade performed by a troubled and ill mind. When I put my thoughts to paper I let the pain inside out. Ive found letting it go awakens more of me I suffocated for her. We can do this. If I could I would give all of you a giant honest hug from the heart. We can do this... .

[heartandwhole]

Yes, Whiteytheox72, we can do this.    Thank you for the inspirational post.  I understand how painful it is to let go, writing has also helped me tremendously. Keep pouring out your heart and mind—and share it with us, too.  It can help more people than you know. 

[kc sunshine]

   

yes, we can do this. thank goodness you are all here. thank you.