Hi There,
I'm so glad you joined us .
Here you will get some fantastic advice and be directed to information and articles which should be most helpful to you.
I'm also fairly new on the website as well, but just wanted to welcome you and say that I am most sorry that you are going through such a difficult and sad time. I know EXACTLY how you feel. You are not alone.
Please see part of my story below:
I'd just like to say, as someone, who only came across this BPD website, on 8 September 2014, eighteen days ago, that I am most amazed and extremely relieved that I have now been able to find something genuine, deep and meaningful, to help me in finding out more about BPD.
I haven't felt like this for almost two and a half years.
I see some sort of light at the end of the tunnel now, whereas previously I was in the pitch black darkness. Totally confused and sad.
Lots of reading and studying to do now, to understand what is going on, but this is NOT the problem.
It's only one of the reasons I call myself "Lucky One".
I'm going to be able to make an informed and carefully considered decision, for my own health, when the time arrives.
What can one say about a BPD wife who creates absolute havoc and chaos in her 38 year old marriage relationship and the great disillusionment and inexpressible emotional hurt, she causes for her partner?
For what purpose and to achieve what end?
Well that is what my wife has done and is still doing, right now.
Now that I’m only beginning to understand what BPD is, this disorder seems to go way back, for many years. Perhaps even back to the very beginning of our 38 year relationship. She always seems to have been hurting me emotionally.
How’s that for being a sucker for “ punishment”. Or perhaps I’ve just been too sensitive. Or blind. Or whatever else.
But, I’m going to write it down, all the hurtful things that have happened, so as to enable me to get a clearer picture of where I am, and what I should do at this late stage of my life, I’m 65 years old, you know.
I met my wife when she was only seventeen years old. Six days later she turned eighteen.
So whatever decision is made, to stay in or leave the marriage, is absolutely a massive one.
Whether hurting me was on purpose or not, I certainly cannot tell. Probably “Yes” – but she may not even have known what she was really doing in her insane attempts to manipulate, control and restrict every aspect of my life. This in my view was a result of her own feelings of inadequacy, as well as an uncontrolled and excessive unhealthy jealousy to own me, body, mind and soul, all for herself.
I think the jealously was the main driving force behind her sometimes weird, and difficult to understand logic, behind the completely false accusations levelled against me of physical infidelity in the marriage, which slowly progressed to a thing she calls emotional infidelity (if there is such a thing), if I even dared speak or hold a conversation with another woman for any period of time that was unacceptable in duration, to her mind.
As far as I am concerned, the main point to be made here, is that I’ve always been a one woman man. The reason – because that’s what I want to be and always will be. It feels right to me, and is in line with what I have always believed in, spiritually speaking.
So at this stage I don’t really know what her problem is. Why she thinks I’m having multiple extramarital relationships. It just doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t add up. All of a sudden I’ve become Mr Casanova, Mr Too Good Looking, and God’s gift to all woman.
Two plus two isn’t adding up to four anymore. Sometimes it’s zero, or three or even twenty six.
We just celebrated our 33 year wedding anniversary last month. I bought us a very nice take away meal. Why? Because when I take her out to restaurants to celebrate anything, she’s watching me like a hawk. Where I’m looking. Who I am looking at. And then the accusations start, that I’m looking at other woman. Meanwhile I didn’t even see any woman, where I was looking.
I got no present on our anniversary. I bought her some special chocolates and some flowers. I kept it as a surprise especially for her. On the day, she told me in no uncertain and unpleasant terms what I could do with the anniversary presents I got her. "Shove it". Only two or three days later did she offer me one of the chocolates, after I asked her if we were going to have one of her chocolates.
So guess what. Next anniversary – no presents for anyone. Very sad state of circumstances, I think.
It’s not the first time that a similar thing has happened. It happened last Christmas as well. She accused me of buying the exact same present I bought only for her, for this “fictitious, non existent mistress I have. I don’t even know what this person’s name is, or what she looks like, or even how old she is, let alone where she comes from.
Then I got accused for using the motor vehicle GPS, for finding this non existent woman’s home, which apparently is only 0,9 miles away from my home. I mean that is absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn’t need a GPS for that distance – any “normal” person should be able to work that one out!
Now she wants me to request vehicle tracker records for the last few years, so that she can prove to me that I’m lying to her, about where I’ve been in the motor vehicle. This is crazy. It’s about 1 800 pages of tracker records per year. Also the tracker is not that accurate, because it measures only to the nearest tracker station on the ground. It’s not a satellite tracker system that measures the exact location. When I told her this, she responded that I was already lying, to cover my back.
I know where I’ve been. On my own two feet and also in my motor vehicle. All legitimate, in good faith places and locations. Nothing ugly happened at any time, ever. So why do I have to justify this to anyone.
I’ve now been accused of contracting an STD. Sexually Transmitted Disease. I told her that the only place I could get such a degrading thing from, was her. I was once again told – You’re lying.
Well the STD turned out to be a simple skin rash, (no-one can get a skin rash, you know!) quickly sorted out with an over the counter pharmacy lotion medication. Not even an antibiotic or cortisone cream or medical doctor was needed.
Did she apologise for the false accusation. Any of them. No.
I now get no more hugs and kisses. There’s no more intimacy in the marriage relationship. I feel I’m living with someone I don’t know anymore.
Stress levels are extremely high and I feel like I have flu like symptoms most of the time, probably stress related – but I refuse to get sucked into any of her angry rages directed at me.
I can’t talk or have a meaningful conversation with her anymore, because it only upsets her if I try to tell her she need not worry, because she’s got the best husband in the world and I still love her lots.
But that’s useless – and doesn’t work! REALLY.
So I’ll continue writing later, some more – but I’ll give it a break for now, because I’ve got tears in my eyes. And I’m the one, now emotionally upset.
The story, that big boys don’t cry, it’s not true! Take my word on it.
My wife has been diagnosed with Graves Disease and Hyperthyroidism - 2 1/2 years ago. I'm not sure what mental disorders this brings on.
Never one day goes by without me being accused of doing something wrong.
According to my spouse I have been unfaithful in our 38 years relationship (32 years married), with numerous woman which I've NEVER done. Not once - I'm basically a one woman guy.
I'm 65 years old, she 55 years old. We are actually quite a nice couple, but these non stop accusations and cold shoulder manipulations and treatment over the last two and a half years, (perhaps before, just didn't notice it) are driving me emotionally crazy.
It's also very hurtful, deep inside.
She has a very high (false) level of distrust of me and others. But especially me.
She's been and is still being treated medically, but this also does not seem to help her much. Her heart rate spiked to 137 beats per minute yesterday for no reason. This apparently is what hyperthyroidism / Graves disease does. Then she goes mad and attacks and demeans me verbally! It's horrible.
Nothing I do makes her happy. She's even threatened to destroy me, by telling people how bad I am. Help is what we need.
Me, to understand what’s really going on. She’s the one who is sick – she needs to start looking after herself and sort her own mental issues out. But she thinks she's fine - and I am the problem.
I’m going to stop helping her and explaining everything to make her feel better. Meanwhile I’m feeling downright lousy.
But things shouldn't work out this way – NORMALLY.
So I’m going to start looking after myself, mentally and physically, for a change, before I die mentally and physically.
Just maybe, I’ll start feeling better. Which will be great.
I'm 65 now - I've still got plenty years to enjoy.
There you have it. You are NOT alone. There are plenty stories just like yours and mine.
This website offers fantastic assistance. Hang in there- one of the more senior members will send you some advice soon, I'm quite sure.
In the meantime my sincere best wishes for the future. Take things slow and carefully.
