She contacted me. Advice needed...

[Depression = 72% of members]

First off... .we've split about 9 times now. Pattern - Break up, constant calls (most of them seemingly designed to toy with me and punish me in some way), miss/need me, get back together. Break before this she went NC for a month (turned out she was chasing a replacement). Lovely!

This time's been different. One day she wanted to get engaged and i could do no wrong, the next i didn't show her enough attention for a few hrs and she suddenly hated me. Go BPD!

The break up was spectacular. That spectacular it could only have been improved, and made more spectacular, by it being set to fireworks going off, with hi-BPM German industrial techno music blasting in the background. It was quite something. At one point i almost started applauding! It was THAT spectacular.

She then phones "I HATE YOU. I love you, you've broken my heart. My friends don't want me to be with you anymore. EVERYTHING THAT'S WRONG IN THE UNIVERSE IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT". (I made that last bit up. She may as well have said it though).

Nothing for days, then she gives me a silent call. Spooky! I call her back... .she doesn't answer. An hr later she phones and we chat normally, she sounds fine, sounds perfectly rational. She puts the phone down. This happens a few times. She calls again - "We're never getting back together... .EVER. Its over... .FOR GOOD. Hope you can find someone you love as much as me. You'll get over me. We'll still see each other again. I'll phone you back." She never phoned.

So, she basically broke up with me, then days later phoned to break up with me... .again... .even though we were already broken up. Okaaaaaaay! But she still wants to see me right? Riiiiiiiiight! But she then doesn't phone again. Whaaaaaat? Boo!

This is all new to me and i thought i'd seen it all now. Any ideas?   

[BlackHoleSun]

First off... .we've split about 9 times now. Pattern - Break up, constant calls (most of them seemingly designed to toy with me and punish me in some way), miss/need me, get back together. Break before this she went NC for a month (turned out she was chasing a replacement). Lovely!

This time's been different. One day she wanted to get engaged and i could do no wrong, the next i didn't show her enough attention for a few hrs and she suddenly hated me. Go BPD!

The break up was spectacular. That spectacular it could only have been improved, and made more spectacular, by it being set to fireworks going off, with hi-BPM German industrial techno music blasting in the background. It was quite something. At one point i almost started applauding! It was THAT spectacular.

She then phones "I HATE YOU. I love you, you've broken my heart. My friends don't want me to be with you anymore. EVERYTHING THAT'S WRONG IN THE UNIVERSE IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT". (I made that last bit up. She may as well have said it though).

Nothing for days, then she gives me a silent call. Spooky! I call her back... .she doesn't answer. An hr later she phones and we chat normally, she sounds fine, sounds perfectly rational. She puts the phone down. This happens a few times. She calls again - "We're never getting back together... .EVER. Its over... .FOR GOOD. Hope you can find someone you love as much as me. You'll get over me. We'll still see each other again. I'll phone you back." She never phoned.

So, she basically broke up with me, then days later phoned to break up with me... .again... .even though we were already broken up. Okaaaaaaay! But she still wants to see me right? Riiiiiiiiight! But she then doesn't phone again. Whaaaaaat? Boo!

This is all new to me and i thought i'd seen it all now. Any ideas?   

[Waifed]

It sounds like you have become a trigger to her no matter what you do. Basically any contact with you triggers her engulfment and/or abandonment. You may be able to buy time if you want by becoming indifferent. I became "needy" towards the end and this is what happened to me. It caused pressure on her that she could not handle. It was very difficult to watch her turn into a different person.

[fred6]

It sounds like you have become a trigger to her no matter what you do. Basically any contact with you triggers her engulfment and/or abandonment. You may be able to buy time if you want by becoming indifferent. I became "needy" towards the end and this is what happened to me. It caused pressure on her that she could not handle. It was very difficult to watch her turn into a different person.

Different person is an understatement. I mean, my exBPD seemed like a totally different person yet the same person at the same time. If that makes any sense. It's kind of like she was the same person in her world. Her life was pretty much the same with the exception of how she was acting towards me(flipped the switch) and how she was mirroring her new supply through FB.

[BlackHoleSun]

It sounds like you have become a trigger to her no matter what you do. Basically any contact with you triggers her engulfment and/or abandonment. You may be able to buy time if you want by becoming indifferent. I became "needy" towards the end and this is what happened to me. It caused pressure on her that she could not handle. It was very difficult to watch her turn into a different person.

That makes a lot of sense! I totally get where you're coming from with the "needy" part. She would always do whatever she wanted to do, if i got annoyed then i was "needy". If I ever wanted to spend quality time with her - "needy". Fine if it was the other way around and SHE wanted to spend time with me though. Everything was on her terms. I actually thought her calling me "needy" was projection!

Last couple of days we were together, she was making plans for the future, saying she wanted us to live together and asking for affection and attention all the time. I didn't give it her, she got upset (its one of her BIG triggers). I left her alone for an hr and BOOM! She broke up with me. I panicked, tried to tell her i love her and talk her down and she said "you're too needy".

She's said this a few times now - "You'll always come back to me! It doesn't matter what i do! You NEED me!". Anyone heard that before? Doesn't sound very BPD to me.   

[jayboy336]

     Hello there. I went through the EXACT same thing with my exBPDso. During breakups, while attempting to pursue replacements, and even while in a replacement relationship, she would still contact me and say she wanted to work things out. The very next day, she would tell me she couldnt do it anymore. It would be like this over and over. It no doubt hurts.

     In this situation, the best thing you can do is not to reply. NC is the only way to go. You have to find it within you to realize that you deserve better and that staying with her, you will continue to have this dysfunctional aspect to the relationship and it will NEVER change. BPD always wins. No matter how much you love or think you are being loved.