We are the lucky ones

[Depression = 72% of members]

Lately, when I have been sad, I have been heading over to the undecided and the staying boards and I have come to a conclusion. We may be still be living with the infection of our BPD SO's, we may still be fighting the toxins they injected into us, but we are OUT. We aren't waiting for the shoe to drop, we aren't walking on eggshells, we aren't anxious, emotional wrecks (and if we are, it's because we are healing). We might be sad, devastated even, but we are OUT. Just think about all those times when you were still in it wondering what the hell had happened to your life. We don't have to do that anymore. From here on out, it's up to US. For me, that's a scary feeling but ultimately, a freeing one. My life is up to ME!   to everybody.

[crookedeuphoria]

Lately, when I have been sad, I have been heading over to the undecided and the staying boards and I have come to a conclusion. We may be still be living with the infection of our BPD SO's, we may still be fighting the toxins they injected into us, but we are OUT. We aren't waiting for the shoe to drop, we aren't walking on eggshells, we aren't anxious, emotional wrecks (and if we are, it's because we are healing). We might be sad, devastated even, but we are OUT. Just think about all those times when you were still in it wondering what the hell had happened to your life. We don't have to do that anymore. From here on out, it's up to US. For me, that's a scary feeling but ultimately, a freeing one. My life is up to ME!   to everybody.

[Tiepje3]

Thank you, just needed this right now. I'm having a very, very bad weekend. I know I'm OUT, but WOW... .it hurts so much. I'm still an emotional wreck, especially this weekend, but I'm NOT walking on eggshells. Everything I'm doing is me, being me! I'm still wondering what the hell happened to my life, but everything that's happening from now on is because I chose it and not because he made me chose it... .or else... .!

[bunnysc]

Thank you 2 ^^ It made me feel happy reading that, I will keep moving forward, somedays are harder 

[crookedeuphoria]

All we have to do is get through today, this hour, this minute. Baby steps are still steps.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time this weekend Tiepje3. Are you doing anything nice for yourself?

[Vatz]

This helps. Thanks for posting it, it helps put things in perspective.

[JRav59]

So happy I have a much brighter future these days! Don't know exactly what that is, but it's not dealing with my crazy ex! I'm getting more centered with me each day. The devastation has diminished by about 60%! It pretty much happened when I blocked her from everything (phone, fb, email). She's someone else's problem. I only hope that innocent bystanders don't get hurt!

[letmeout]

I use to worry about those 'innocent  bystanders' too. That will wear off eventually and you won't think about what your BPD ex is up to or who they are hurting.

You'll just be glad that they are not hurting you anymore!

We are so lucky to be free from the disturbed people that they are.

[Infern0]

All I have to do sometimes is look at my replacement on his instagram page.

He's only been in for 2 months and he is looking DREADFUL, lost a lot of weight, those dark under eyes tgat i used to see in the mirror, while I've gained back 7lbs and getting healthier.

It's him on 2 hours of sleep a night and having no appetite and not understanding why now,  not me.

Guy took a bullet for me in all honesty,  he just doesn't know it yet.

[BlackandBlue]

I know that look too. I was always exhausted from walking on eggshells, stress from work (she works with me too) and lack of sleep. I've had anxiety and panic attacks for most of my adult life and I would wake up in the middle of the night in an cold sweat with them and right when the sun came up I got blasted with another one.

[Infern0]

I know that look too. I was always exhausted from walking on eggshells, stress from work (she works with me too) and lack of sleep. I've had anxiety and panic attacks for most of my adult life and I would wake up in the middle of the night in an cold sweat with them and right when the sun came up I got blasted with another one.

To be honest I don't know how my body coped,  I became so,  so weakened by it all, I lost so much weight. I remember towards the end I thought I might have to actually fight my replacement as the situation was so dire and thinking I could usually handle this guy but right now I don't think I could beat an 8 year old girl.

[BorisAcusio]

I have to agree with the OP. Despite all the knoweledge, we reconciled lately after a failed suicide attempt. She was so suprisingly self-aware for about two months after the incident that covert narcissist in shining armour couldn't miss the chance to finally save her. It was completely my fault and I knew it's not going to work from minute one.

Now, I'm dealing with the regular BPD push and pull, the PMS, been split black in the last two days. She's disregulated and I'm quite sure that trying to triangulate with someone to offload her anxiety.

You are the lucky ones. Nobody should ever live a life like this.

 

[Tibbles]

Such a good way to look at our situation. You are so right. I cleaned out a lot of my clothes today. Throwing all the stuff out I didn't feel comfortable in that I used to wear cause he liked it. I can now decide to wear what I want to wear without being scared it was sending some weird sort of message that he would criticise me for and go into one of his rages. So glad to be free.