she really looks like a knockout and it just sunk my heart

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi, Been going N/C for over 1 year (Mostly).  Today  I pulled up my Linkedin acct since someone tagged me, and then I saw her picture.  (No she did not tag me, but  longtime ago recommended me for this and that position.) She not part of my network.  Anyway, 4 months before I left her (after raging. hitting  etc and her secretly being on a dating site) she had a complete face lift, neck lift eyelift Not to mention years before many other things done.  I guess she was preparing to leave as she was distancing me more and more.     Anyway, she was always attractive, and sexy and she is 62 but she really looks like a knockout and it just sunk my heart.   It did.  I so wanted to be with her.  I know , it's sad.   I have a girlfriend now, and she very nice person and very good looking too, yet, my old GF was so hot but of course not nice and treated people badly, no friends to speak of I know she has to be the same after all these years ... .and going back I would really take a beating, yet, my desire and feeling of love, are strong.  Bad bad trigger!  3 months ago she tried to friend me on FB and I refused it.  

Trying to get pass my nervous reaction and my wanting to reach out to her, text her badly  asking to meet etc.  I am so ashamed ,since she treated me like crap then wants be back, and that happenned several times in the last year of our relationship.  She is financially well off after her 3 divorces and I am sure no problem stacking up guys.  but I am just sick over this, and thought I was doing better.  Obviously not!  I had to be owned by her by this.  Yet feel so attracted and yet I'd be reject (Obvious a new one on the line or worst her whipping boy, step and fetch)  

Help!

[outside9x]

Hi, Been going N/C for over 1 year (Mostly).  Today  I pulled up my Linkedin acct since someone tagged me, and then I saw her picture.  (No she did not tag me, but  longtime ago recommended me for this and that position.) She not part of my network.  Anyway, 4 months before I left her (after raging. hitting  etc and her secretly being on a dating site) she had a complete face lift, neck lift eyelift Not to mention years before many other things done.  I guess she was preparing to leave as she was distancing me more and more.     Anyway, she was always attractive, and sexy and she is 62 but she really looks like a knockout and it just sunk my heart.   It did.  I so wanted to be with her.  I know , it's sad.   I have a girlfriend now, and she very nice person and very good looking too, yet, my old GF was so hot but of course not nice and treated people badly, no friends to speak of I know she has to be the same after all these years ... .and going back I would really take a beating, yet, my desire and feeling of love, are strong.  Bad bad trigger!  3 months ago she tried to friend me on FB and I refused it.  

Trying to get pass my nervous reaction and my wanting to reach out to her, text her badly  asking to meet etc.  I am so ashamed ,since she treated me like crap then wants be back, and that happenned several times in the last year of our relationship.  She is financially well off after her 3 divorces and I am sure no problem stacking up guys.  but I am just sick over this, and thought I was doing better.  Obviously not!  I had to be owned by her by this.  Yet feel so attracted and yet I'd be reject (Obvious a new one on the line or worst her whipping boy, step and fetch)  

Help!