I also remember her saying that i'm too nice/sweet. She didn't want to put me up with all her troubles. She also said she didn't feel comfortable in a normal relationship and that she could never give me the relationship i wanted.
Moments of clarity?
I am jealous!
Jealous of what?
She came out clean and told you that it was her basically that had all these issues. That's owning her issues and taking some responsibility at least. I am starting to realise that mine was BPD/npd combo. She never acknowledged that was anything wrong with her. She was too proud for that. She would try to convince me instead that I was the one with the problems and that I needed therapy. I most definitely do now in the aftermath.
Ah i understand. Mind you, that was ONE of like 5 explanations why she ended it. I didn't know about BPD back then when she said that, and it simply didn't make any sense to me. I asked her for answers afterwards. Here are some reasons i've heard over the course over 2 months:
- Too much stress and anxiety
- Me wanting to have sex with her, while she couldn't do that, because of her history(sexual abuse)
- I wasn't the one
- The relationship was meh/boring
- I couldn't provide her with the sex she needed(mind you, she was the one who didn't want to have sex, and she also told me that she was back with her ex, that would bang her brains out(which is a lie, she isn't back with her ex))
- I didn't woo her
- She told a friend of her that we didn't have chemistry
- She told another friend of her that it simply didn't work out
Mind is blown. I simply don't know what the real reason is.
You know the real reason. The disorder.
It is just difficult to accept because of the hope we hold on to.
