I'm scared

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My exBPDgf and i work together. She is on holliday now for about 3 weeks and she's about to return in about a week. Luckily she's gonna start on another floor when she returns(lucky me). However, a female coworker of mine who i told the WHOLE story of me and my ex, is now hitting on me while my ex is on vacation. This female coworker and i will never have something, because she's 44 and i'm 27  . Anyway, my exBPDgf forbid the coworker to even talk to me, because she found out what i told her. What will my ex do if she finds out she's hitting on me, let alone talking to me, when she returns from holiday? Will she try to recycle me?(4 months out, so far no attempt to recycle me) Or will she get angry with the female coworker? What can i expect? I just have no idea what to expect and if i should be worried 

Mind you, she was a total wreck before she went on holiday. Lost some weight, looked really pale, and empty soulless eyes.

[Bak86]

My exBPDgf and i work together. She is on holliday now for about 3 weeks and she's about to return in about a week. Luckily she's gonna start on another floor when she returns(lucky me). However, a female coworker of mine who i told the WHOLE story of me and my ex, is now hitting on me while my ex is on vacation. This female coworker and i will never have something, because she's 44 and i'm 27  . Anyway, my exBPDgf forbid the coworker to even talk to me, because she found out what i told her. What will my ex do if she finds out she's hitting on me, let alone talking to me, when she returns from holiday? Will she try to recycle me?(4 months out, so far no attempt to recycle me) Or will she get angry with the female coworker? What can i expect? I just have no idea what to expect and if i should be worried 

Mind you, she was a total wreck before she went on holiday. Lost some weight, looked really pale, and empty soulless eyes.

[HappyChappy]

Past behaviour is the best indication of your BPD's future behaviour. But also worth remembering our fear of what will happen tends to be worse that what will happen. BPD are great at stirring up fear and paranoia. I’m guessing they'll be some jealousy and possibly competing. So how does your BPD act when jealous ?

[Bak86]

Past behaviour is the best indication of your BPD's future behaviour. But also worth remembering our fear of what will happen tends to be worse that what will happen. BPD are great at stirring up fear and paranoia. I’m guessing they'll be some jealousy and possibly competing. So how does your BPD act when jealous ?

When i don't pay attention to her, she will try go get my attention by talking to me, making weird sexual remarks or wearing outfits that she knows i like. Last couple of weeks i simply didn't respond to any of this and this is when i noticed she started to look like a wreck. I never noticed her being jealous when i talk to other women though. So i just don't know what she will do.

[Mr Hollande]

This female coworker and i will never have something, because she's 44 and i'm 27 .

If she's hot, why not? I've had relations with a few older ladies when I was 20's and 30's and what I liked especially was how maturity had brought confidence. Many of the usual insecurities of women my own age seemed to have been overcome by these mature ladies. I found that very attractive. Many a fine tune can be played on an old fiddle as they say.

Mind you, she was a total wreck before she went on holiday. Lost some weight, looked really pale, and empty soulless eyes.

Revealing the eternally empty soulless soul she concealed during the time she had you under her thumb.

[Bak86]

This female coworker and i will never have something, because she's 44 and i'm 27 .

If she's hot, why not? I've had relations with a few older ladies when I was 20's and 30's and what I liked especially was how maturity had brought confidence. Many of the usual insecurities of women my own age seemed to have been overcome by these mature ladies. I found that very attractive. Many a fine tune can be played on an old fiddle as they say.

Mind you, she was a total wreck before she went on holiday. Lost some weight, looked really pale, and empty soulless eyes.

Revealing the eternally empty soulless soul she concealed during the time she had you under her thumb.

She's not that hot, far from it haha. She's also a bit crazy(she likes boy bands, has posters of teen stars all over her desk etc.). I mean she's a nice woman, sure is, but that's it.

And yeah the look in her eyes is what scared me the most. Even colleagues, who never saw the real her(she's high functioning) noticed the weird look in her eyes and the depressed mood she had. Almost if she turned into a low functioning all of a sudden.

[Loveofhislife]

Mr. Hollande--thank you for those words, I was trying to find a humorous way to say the same thing, but it would have been self serving coming from a woman who thinks 44 is sounding young these days. Bak--my T works with me on these kinds of fears a lot--through meditation, we train ourselves to focus only on this present moment- all the "what if's" bring anxiety, and her behavior is not in your control.

[Mr Hollande]

Bak: Last year I booked a cottage in the country for a week with my ex and when she turned up she looked haunted and just terrible. A month later I had hired a flat in a nice area of one of the beautiful capitals in Europe. I picked her up by the trainstation and she was back to the youthful Sharleen Spiteri lookalike again. I sometimes think these people change their appearance as quickly as they change everything else about themselves. It's unsettling.

LOHL: That should still make me a young buck to you then. Not a bad feeling I can tell you.

[Mr Hollande]

And of course your ex won't like that you've exposed who she really is regardless of whom to let alone someone at work. Does the lady your shared with know of the ex's demand to not talk to her anymore? Could be interesting if she tried it on with her and encountered opposition. Then again the fall out from that could mean unwanted attention from higher up. Exercise caution chief.

[JonnyKrunch]

Anyway, my exBPDgf forbid the coworker to even talk to me, because she found out what i told her. What will my ex do if she finds out she's hitting on me, let alone talking to me, when she returns from holiday? Will she try to recycle me?(4 months out, so far no attempt to recycle me) Or will she get angry with the female coworker? What can i expect? I just have no idea what to expect and if i should be worried 

I say you should be worried based on the fact she thinks she has the authority to forbid the coworker from talking to you.

Not sure how she will find out you are still talking, but you can be certain she doesn't want anyone to find out how she

really is.

You have a week to prepare... .maybe call her the day before she is scheduled to return to work? get a feel for her mental

state. I forgot we are dealing with BPD, mental states change at the drop of a hat.

It's just a dam shame they have control like that in our lives, even after they are out of our romantic life.

[Bak86]

And of course your ex won't like that you've exposed who she really is regardless of whom to let alone someone at work. Does the lady your shared with know of the ex's demand to not talk to her anymore? Could be interesting if she tried it on with her and encountered opposition. Then again the fall out from that could mean unwanted attention from higher up. Exercise caution chief.

Yup she was the one who told me i couldn't talk to her... .

When i mention my ex, she quickly changes the subject. I suspect she got threatened.

[Bak86]

Bak: Last year I booked a cottage in the country for a week with my ex and when she turned up she looked haunted and just terrible. A month later I had hired a flat in a nice area of one of the beautiful capitals in Europe. I picked her up by the trainstation and she was back to the youthful Sharleen Spiteri lookalike again. I sometimes think these people change their appearance as quickly as they change everything else about themselves. It's unsettling.

LOHL: That should still make me a young buck to you then. Not a bad feeling I can tell you.

Yeah it's so weird. Some days she looks pretty good, some days she looks like a ghost.

[Bak86]

Anyway, my exBPDgf forbid the coworker to even talk to me, because she found out what i told her. What will my ex do if she finds out she's hitting on me, let alone talking to me, when she returns from holiday? Will she try to recycle me?(4 months out, so far no attempt to recycle me) Or will she get angry with the female coworker? What can i expect? I just have no idea what to expect and if i should be worried 

I say you should be worried based on the fact she thinks she has the authority to forbid the coworker from talking to you.

Not sure how she will find out you are still talking, but you can be certain she doesn't want anyone to find out how she

really is.

You have a week to prepare... .maybe call her the day before she is scheduled to return to work? get a feel for her mental

state. I forgot we are dealing with BPD, mental states change at the drop of a hat.

It's just a dam shame they have control like that in our lives, even after they are out of our romantic life.

My gut feeling is that she will not do anything, however one of my coworkers(i run a company with him outside our regular job) highly suspects she will be either chasing me, or that she will lash out at my female coworker.

And no, i won't be calling her. That will trigger both me and her i think.