Hows everybody feeling today?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hows everyone feeling today, better than yesterday I hope!

[jammo1989]

Hows everyone feeling today, better than yesterday I hope!

[freedom33]

pretty good Jammo. 2 months NC are the bees knees.

[rickdeckard]

Feeling awesome, thanks Jammo! Made some grilled cheese samiches and some bacon. Wish I had some Popsicles, that would be perfect! Red Popsicles! 

[enlighten me]

Im also doing ok. Having LC with the exgf and trying not to get drawn in when we do have contact. Had a bit of a spat with her yesterday on FB. Confusion over dates and bills. I came up with solutions and she threw up barriers. I stayed calm and business like thoughout and wasn't rattled by her. She on the other hand must have been rattled as she was on FB at 2:45 AM and again at 4:30 (Im on nights so wasn't staying up to pry).

Just made me wonder what the reason behind her sleepless night was. Guilt, shame who knows. Getting bored with the whole thing now so not really dwelling on it like I would have been a couple of months back.

[jammo1989]

Good to see your all doing ok, im exactly a month NC today, eben though she blocked me on all communication platforms, she did make it known before the block, if you want to talk to me we can email, ha ha, its good to know everyones enjoying there NC (break from crazy)

About the staying up, it could be anything with these woman, anxiety, depression or guit, but the good thing is that you stayed mature, we all know these woman refuse to take responsibility, so by you backing right off it shows that you dont want the drama anymore and they LOVE drama! Remember we will be hurt by these people for a few months 1 to 2 years max, they have to deal with this untill they die, bet thst puts a smile on your faces.

[enlighten me]

Unfortunately I have a son with her so the drama will continue (in her eyes anyway).

The fact that they have to deal with it for the rest of their lives doesn't put a smile on my face as even though she has hurt me I wouldn't wish BPD on anyone. There was a point in my recovery that it did make me feel better but now I just feel sorry for pwBPD.

What does make me feel good though is that I can interact with her and not lose it. I no longer get drawn into the crazy and Im sure this is why it affects her. It probably makes her feel like I don't care anymore and so her feelings of abandonment will kick in. She once said to me that she didn't like the fact that I hated my ex wife as that showed I had feelings for her still even though they where negative. Lately I have thought about this and realised that when our exs pull our strings its to get a reaction so they know we still have feelings for them. By not getting wound up and reacting to them we are unintentionally hurting them. We have devalued them and abandoned them and this is something they don't like.

[jammo1989]

Unfortunately I have a son with her so the drama will continue (in her eyes anyway).

The fact that they have to deal with it for the rest of their lives doesn't put a smile on my face as even though she has hurt me I wouldn't wish BPD on anyone. There was a point in my recovery that it did make me feel better but now I just feel sorry for pwBPD.

What does make me feel good though is that I can interact with her and not lose it. I no longer get drawn into the crazy and Im sure this is why it affects her. It probably makes her feel like I don't care anymore and so her feelings of abandonment will kick in. She once said to me that she didn't like the fact that I hated my ex wife as that showed I had feelings for her still even though they where negative. Lately I have thought about this and realised that when our exs pull our strings its to get a reaction so they know we still have feelings for them. By not getting wound up and reacting to them we are unintentionally hurting them. We have devalued them and abandoned them and this is something they don't like.

This is all to true, and its funny because with my ex BPD, we met up after she dumped me, and i watched videos on how to win an ex back (didnt know she was BPD at this point) she tried testing me, making me jealous saying guys tried hitting on her, would i be annoyed if she had sex with another guy, and i didnt react i said no we are single now arent we? She then clinged to me and started kissing me, gave me a hickey and kept saying how much she loved me, little did i know that reaction i gave wasnt what she wanted.  I wanted to show i wasnt weak i was all alpha, she ran off with her replacment soon after that.

It must be so hard having a child with them, does it not scare you that she may paint you black and some point and start using your child as a form of manipulation against you?

[fred6]

Good to see your all doing ok, im exactly a month NC today, eben though she blocked me on all communication platforms, she did make it known before the block, if you want to talk to me we can email, ha ha, its good to know everyones enjoying there NC (break from crazy)

About the staying up, it could be anything with these woman, anxiety, depression or guit, but the good thing is that you stayed mature, we all know these woman refuse to take responsibility, so by you backing right off it shows that you dont want the drama anymore and they LOVE drama! Remember we will be hurt by these people for a few months 1 to 2 years max, they have to deal with this untill they die, bet thst puts a smile on your faces.

I have read that many pwBPD have insomnia issues and problems waking up in the morning. My ex had problems sleeping, especially when she was alone. She also, had issues getting up in the morning. She would hit the snooze on her phone 5-10 times. Hell, my alarm never even goes off. I wake up 15-30 minutes before it goes off... .

[enlighten me]

Already painted black and had our son used against me. The thing is Ive been here before but didn't realise it. When trying to figure out what was up with my exgf I realised that my ex wife was also probably BPD. Exgf ticks 7 of the 9 criteria ex wife ticks 8. Cant answer the chronic feeling of emptiness one as they have never mentioned this.

I went LC with the ex wife and only deal with her in a business like manner. She has since remarried, painted me white and is asking for favours and my advice. On the plus side though is I have an amazing relationship with my two sons with her. I am the stable one the does all the fun things.

With the exgf I will just do what I did with the ex wife and just enjoy the time with our son.

[Deeno02]

10 days NC cuz shes got the new guy to distract her, so dodging that bullet. Live in fear of it though. In other news, Walking Dead marathon is on... .

[fred6]

10 days NC cuz shes got the new guy to distract her, so dodging that bullet. Live in fear of it though. In other news, Walking Dead marathon is on... .

Been watching it. Was thinking earlier that some of those "walkers" had more empathy than my uxBPD,

[blissful_camper]

I had a good day, and outside of work stress, I'm feeling good too.  Yesterday was my 15-month-out-of-r/s anniversary.  I remembered that today, instead of yesterday.  I'm taking that as an indication that when I left, and how long I've been out, is mattering less to me.  

[enlighten me]

10 days NC cuz shes got the new guy to distract her, so dodging that bullet. Live in fear of it though. In other news, Walking Dead marathon is on... .

Been watching it. Was thinking earlier that some of those "walkers" had more empathy than my uxBPD,

Might have to change my zombie apocalypse action plan to a BPD apocalypse action plan.

[bungenstein]

My ex had the police phone the house she had overtaken from her housemate with the replacement, as a welfare check regarding an 'incident'.

Her housemate absolutely hates her and never wants to see her again.

The landlord is trying to get unpaid rent, unpaid bills off her, and has also accused her of theft and its about to get the police involved.

She was kicked out and moved into a tiny hovel with the replacement, and has now just been fired from her job.

So that news ontop of things with my therapist going well, I'm not feeling too bad! 

[ReluctantSurvivor]

Everyday is better.  I am mosly happy and slightly angry.  I smile more each day than the last.  I an over the hill, barely.  I still haven't let go.  Part of me still wants her back.  Until that is gone I have to be vigilant.  I hope the rest of you are well today. 

[Bak86]

Doing fine. Slightly anxious about the fact that she returns from holiday next week and i have to see her at work. Luckily she works on another floor now.

[brokenbutalive]

I'm anxious and worried. She's pestering me with phone calls and texts pleading with me to go and see her. I've agreed to pay her a visit on Saturday. Just to get her off my my back for a few days. I know I shouldn't have but I live in fear of her coming to the house and annoying my family. Blocking her wouldn't work either. She'd be knocking my door within 20 minutes. So now I've got Saturdays ordeal to look forward to and I'm terrified. I have to walk into the lions den and tell her it's finished and don't ever contact me again. She'll beg and plead and cry for me to still be her friend. When that doesn't work she'll try to seduce me. And when that fails she'll turn ugly and violent. I know her so well now that I know exactly what's coming. I'm anticipating a master class of emotional manipulation and I only pray that I'm strong enough to stand firm... .

[enlighten me]

I'm anxious and worried. She's pestering me with phone calls and texts pleading with me to go and see her. I've agreed to pay her a visit on Saturday. Just to get her off my my back for a few days. I know I shouldn't have but I live in fear of her coming to the house and annoying my family. Blocking her wouldn't work either. She'd be knocking my door within 20 minutes. So now I've got Saturdays ordeal to look forward to and I'm terrified. I have to walk into the lions den and tell her it's finished and don't ever contact me again. She'll beg and plead and cry for me to still be her friend. When that doesn't work she'll try to seduce me. And when that fails she'll turn ugly and violent. I know her so well now that I know exactly what's coming. I'm anticipating a master class of emotional manipulation and I only pray that I'm strong enough to stand firm... .

You should write down what she's going to do and after she does it and turns nasty give her the note. That would stop her in her tracks.  On second thoughts probably wouldn't be a good idea but I would love to see my exs reaction if I did that.

[Algae]

I feel like utter ___.  Probably one of the worst days i've had in months.  I'm sitting here begging God saying, "Why is this happening, Why are you doing this to me."  But it's just getting worse and nothings going right.

Utter depression and Don't know what to do.  And at this point, saying, "Its ok! Move on and go outside and forget her!"  Isn't gonna help.

[bunnysc]

How I feel each day I wake up

''Now I have to face stupid reality again''

I just feel sorry for my Ex she has to deal with all that, but on the other side they do harm us by acting that way. Its just SO SAD. I've been feeling so low these days no idea why. I just feel lost in a never ending cycle

I don't even care now about her replacements or whatever, I just want her to have a nice life. I miss her and will always miss being with her but I can't do anything about it. Its just like dealing with a person that doesn't exists.

I guess something I carry inside is the feeling of how she is exposed to people that can harm her by using her like with sex, alcohol, even drugs who knows. The worse of all is that she is the one who permits all that just to attach to someone else, a group or bad people  ... Just for the fact of not being alone or feeling abandoned... Jesus  :'(