Do they know BPD Terminology ?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Do they know BPD Terminology ?

Do you think that either a diagnosed or an un-diagnosed BPD is familiar with

common terminology ?

Splitting, raging, projection, painting Black / White, recycling.

[In Pain]

Do they know BPD Terminology ?

Do you think that either a diagnosed or an un-diagnosed BPD is familiar with

common terminology ?

Splitting, raging, projection, painting Black / White, recycling.

[Infern0]

Do they know BPD Terminology ?

Do you think that either a diagnosed or an un-diagnosed BPD is familiar with

common terminology ?

Splitting, raging, projection, painting Black / White, recycling.

Undiagnosed certainly won't be.

Mine did use the word "abandon" a lot though,  "everyone always abandons me"

[hurting300]

Mine wanted to be a psychologist... so yeah she knew the lingo. Too bad she was lazy and not so smart .

[Bak86]

Mine study psychology for 3 months 

I suspect she came to the realization what she had!

[Recooperating]

Mine was diagnosed, but refused to read about it. In our last recycle he was pulling off some major gaslighting stunts. When I mentioned it to him, he was like... .Ehhh what?

Splitting, projecting... .It was all chinese to him.

[camuse]

Mine told me twice she definitely didnt have a personality disorder. She told me she thought many women did though including one of her friends. She knew all about it

[hurting300]

Now before my ex disappeared, I knew nothing about mental illness... she ask me once if I had black and white thinking... I said well yeah, meaning lying is BAD. Cheating is BAD. Then she ask if I was a Sociopath... I had no idea what that was.

[In Pain]

Just had a major texting session with my ex BPD GF.  HOURS and HOURS  !

It started out good….went bonkers bad…... I was very truthful…and it ended all good.

I kept myself in check the whole time. It was a roller coaster ride that I controlled. I tempered all my accusations with compassion.  I pushed and pulled.

But…during the texting I told her she had BPD, Abandonment Issues etc.  I listed all the traits.  I really let her have it with both barrels.   Respectful and with compassion…... but brutally honest.  VERY brutal.  I said everything you are not supposed to say.  I guess I just had enough and threw all caution into the wind.  There was no downside left for me. I didn’t plan this…... it just happened.

She responded with…….” I don’t know this thing you speak of Borderline personality…... What’s this ? “

The bottom line is that she knows what I am speaking of.  SHE KNOWS. She is very intelligent.

The confusing part for her is that: most of these people are afraid that if someone finds out who they are, that someone will run away from them.

I know her, and she now knows that I know her… and I have been running towards her !   Not what she is used to.

Another thing that helped here was my confidence in my texts.  I was VERY firm, I didn’t apologize at all, I told her how I feel about her, and I showed real compassion and caring.  Always caring about her.

There was NO puppy dog love on my part.  No cowering at all, no retracing my steps.  When she shot back at me….I took it and addressed every topic.  BTW….she NEVER answered one question I asked of her. Not One !  That’s ok.  This was about me being strong.

I know it’s not easy and there is still more pain to come my way. I know this.

But I will say…………this board and the reading and therapy work I have been doing for months has given me the tools and strength to handle this now.  It takes time.

I felt good in my interactions with her for the first time in a very longtime.

BUT……………...

The pains a coming !  It’s just how much and how I handle it now.  But it’s a coming !   LOL

[fred6]

Just had a major texting session with my ex BPD GF.  HOURS and HOURS  !

It started out good….went bonkers bad…... I was very truthful…and it ended all good.

I kept myself in check the whole time. It was a roller coaster ride that I controlled. I tempered all my accusations with compassion.  I pushed and pulled.

But…during the texting I told her she had BPD, Abandonment Issues etc.  I listed all the traits.  I really let her have it with both barrels.   Respectful and with compassion…... but brutally honest.  VERY brutal.  I said everything you are not supposed to say.  I guess I just had enough and threw all caution into the wind.  There was no downside left for me. I didn’t plan this…... it just happened.

She responded with…….” I don’t know this thing you speak of Borderline personality…... What’s this ? “

The bottom line is that she knows what I am speaking of.  SHE KNOWS. She is very intelligent.

The confusing part for her is that: most of these people are afraid that if someone finds out who they are, that someone will run away from them.

I know her, and she now knows that I know her… and I have been running towards her !   Not what she is used to.

Another thing that helped here was my confidence in my texts.  I was VERY firm, I didn’t apologize at all, I told her how I feel about her, and I showed real compassion and caring.  Always caring about her.

There was NO puppy dog love on my part.  No cowering at all, no retracing my steps.  When she shot back at me….I took it and addressed every topic.  BTW….she NEVER answered one question I asked of her. Not One !  That’s ok.  This was about me being strong.

I know it’s not easy and there is still more pain to come my way. I know this.

But I will say…………this board and the reading and therapy work I have been doing for months has given me the tools and strength to handle this now.  It takes time.

I felt good in my interactions with her for the first time in a very longtime.

BUT……………...

The pains a coming !  It’s just how much and how I handle it now.  But it’s a coming !   LOL

At least you can get your ex to engage with you. Mine won't even say anything about anything, unless it's something she needs from me. I think the reason for that is because her answers make no sense and eventually lead back to her lies and deceit. It doesn't matter though, if forced to discuss anything she'll tear me up like that troy built chipper shredder thing you see on TV. Damn I'm a weak wussy... .

[In Pain]

The truth is... .I went NC for almost 90 days. Such intense pain !

Spent a lot of time on research about me and her. Learned about this %#& disorder.

Makes no sense, but it is what it is.

I broke contact. I tried to re engage her and was hitting a wall. She would text but wouldn't meet in person or telephone.

I finally have taken an approach that is opposite to all logical thinking. Which is how she thinks.

Through a series of screwball events, we are having contact. And she is engaging me. She says this is too emotional and can't text anymore... .And then keeps on texting !

I am a gentle leaner now. Slow, gentle push. No quick movements.

My next move is lunch in two weeks. Her suggestion.

The truth here is... .I may get my alien back in two weeks and be frustrated all over again. But I'm trying.

But... .Like I said... .The pain will return.

Good luck.

[MrFox]

During the relationship, my exBPDgf often talked about her "triggers" but never brought up anything with about BPD.  After our split I found a blog from years earlier where she talks about having been diagnosed with BPD at age 20.  She was in her late 20s when she wrote it and claims to have been in therapy the whole time.  My guess is that she knows the terminology.  She, however, does not tell people about, or at least never told me.

[In Pain]

As I said:

The confusing part for her is that: most of these people are afraid that if someone finds out who they are, that someone will run away from them.

I know her, and she now knows that I know her… and I have been running towards her !   Not what she is used to.

[allweareisallweare]

I dunno... .I broke NC (caved in) to tell her how much I had learned about BPD - she was diagnosed, anyway - and I feel I made the cohesive links between typical traits of the illness and her behavior - basically, I spelled out that her seeking the replacement (and I used that term) was all to do with the mental disorder, that it was abnormal. I warned her that it's a cycle - so not to get her hopes up, as she's trapped forever in it. I reiterated that despite this I'd done my best. She's not receptive, really. She is enshrined in defence-mechanism Freudian denial - denial from the ramifications of her actions. It would mean a lot for her to just say "J, you were right." That's not as far as "sorry," which would mean nothing now, but that SHE joined up the dots and acknowledged that I was right. She is diagnosed, for goodness sakes, I hope she reads up and fathoms it.

[Arminius]

Oh, I suspect she knew. She knew.

Because she'd often use chameleon to describe herself and her interactions.

On, and how many times did I get exasperated over the years with her 'all or nothing ' attitudes .

Little did I realise it was the black/white splitting... .so many times I asked her, 'Why does Everything have it be perfect or crap? Why can't you accept that life isn't always perfect? '

Every time we had any sort of relationship upset, she'd storm out. Black and white all the way, baby.

[Penumbra66]

I was talking with my ex once about depression – – which we both suffered from – – when I mentioned something about personality disorders. I can't remember the specifics of the conversation, but I remember her differentiating depression and anxiety from class B personality disorders. She had been seeing a psychiatrist, with my prompting, for about eight months at that time, but I don't remember her mentioning anything in her diagnosis other than depression and anxiety. It's possible that she was diagnosed with BPD, but it's also just as likely that she was diagnosed simply with depression and anxiety. Coincidentally we went to the same psychiatrist, and I remember the intake interview – – for me at least – – as being very, very brief and cursory. Sometimes I swear my visits were 10 to 15 minutes long. I have no idea if she had been given a thorough intake interview, but I drove her to her first visit, and I don't remember it lasting more than about 30 or 40 minutes.

Psychology was something that she was very interested in, and she also spent quite a bit of time examining the deepest, darkest recesses of her mind. In fact, her feelings and thoughts and experiences were one of her favorite "discussion" topics. Or rather her favorite monologue. That was always a huge concern to me, because she had a lot of problems and it seemed incredibly unhealthy, and it was simply overwhelming for me to listen to. I tried to get her into therapy for many months, but she quit after one visit.

Had she been diagnosed with BPD, I think she would have probably told me, because before she began cheating on me, I think she was actually quite honest. So the question is, how did she know so much about cluster B disorders? Did she learn this in school? Was she "diagnosing" her friends? Or was she trying to figure herself out? Or perhaps she was diagnosed, but hid this for me. During a very heated conversation after she left me for my replacement, I accused her of having a personality disorder. Her response was that if she really did have a personality disorder, that I should be more understanding.

Certainly, she knew something about Borderline Personality Disorder. Whether she knew or suspected that she suffered from this I will never know.