Expressing my feelings.

[H0lding0n]

My BPD is high functioning and in most moments knows his issues and can admit wrong, but has those disregulation times. I know he is under a lot of stress right now with court issues and child support issues and not working due to surgery and then a brown recluse bite and his issuses. He HAS to work this quarter or he looses union insurance.

He is also under stress because he has in the last year put our relationship under a lot of stress with an affair. He is truely sorry and working his best to fix it. However he is very insecure about my committment. He deals with this by rehasing stories as way of an explination of why he did the things he did. I understand and I forgive but I can not emotionally handle rehearing these things over and over. He wants me to get mad (he can handle that because he deserves it) and can not handle it when I sit there silently and cry. He gets mad (not really mad as he later explains hurt angry at himslef anxioius) and wants to run away.  I feel like I can not express my feelings and opinions around him. Ive been keeping all this bottles up inside.

He goes on about how he loves me but he will only destroy me and I am way too good for him and need to move on. Nothing that I can think of seems anything but patronizing. Definately not convincing. Im so out of touch with how I fee I don't know that I have any genuine heartfelt responses. They are all pat practiced responses to avoid escalation... .or i keep silent. I say I love you a lot and it is heartfelt but I say it so much it doesnt seem to have an impact. Feeling inadequate.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[bruceli]

They are going to hear what they want to hear at any given moment in time... .Feelings equal facts.