Wanting to be Wanted

[clydegriffith]

I notice some of the posts here go in to detail about how their BPDx makes efforts to regain contact or to make them jealous, etc. I think that is all part of the game and plays on the human need to feel loved. I think it's a mistake to have this kind of thought process after you've figured these people out for who they are.

In my case, quite honestly, it felt awsome to think someone loved me the way this woman said and initially showed she did. I was like wow, i've never had someone care for me with such passion, this is awesome! After the initial idealization stage, it hits you like a ton of bricks when this person, who up to a certain point had put you on a pedistal and thought you could do no wrong, completley demonizes you over something minor. From that moment on, you are willing to put up with things you wouldnt normally just to get back to that initial stage but it never comes back. There may be moments here and there but once that idealizatoin stage concludes the BPD has probably started seeking a replacement.

[Blimblam]

Yep my man

It boggles the mind. It really is like the ultimate drug.  And like drugs they turn you into a fiend and a broken shadow of a man.

[tim_tom]

signed... .

The initial idealization is mind blowing, and it's what we all miss, even though we know it was only the disorder talking...

I half hope to meet another one, this time I can toy with her rather then getting sucked in

[clydegriffith]

I think that even if you discover that the person you're with has BPD, its very difficult to accept the fact that the initial idealization stage was not real. I had many "mini" breakups with the BPDx but didn't really accept that it wasnt real until it was finally over for good.

[shellbent]

My ex even told me when we were breaking up, not to put her on a pedestal.

In retrospect I should have seen it coming. In all fairness I was wanting to get out of the relationships because suddenly there were a lot of red flags. And I was giving off vibes of not being interested. She pushed my buttons and I triggered her.

But I didn't leave, I wanted to believe that everything she said she meant.

Well she later said I changed, so whether it was her idea of me changed or if it was really me it doesn't matter because they cannot accept if you are going through a rough time in life. It was a crack in the mirror, that she couldn't handle.

Her world became threatened.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

Sadly, this is spot on... .

It was the greatest feeling to have been loved by my ex in the first few years. She was just the sweetest woman in the world. Gradually she changed into the monster she became, as it turns out, the real her. Still can't believe the same woman lied, cheated and abused me the way she did

It feels like the last 12 years has been big one horrible lie. However the more I look back into the relationship, I did ignore so many red flags, I guess I am partly responsible too.

I guess that what hurts the most!