pwBPD suppressing emotion vs uncontrollable emotion

[Vitto18]

One thing I've been curious about is how pwBPD are able to completely suppress some emotions, whilst others are given free reign, with the 'volume' turned all the way up.

My uBPDexGF would text me stuff like "It's so hard pretending to be happy when you're heartbroken" (this after I caught her cheating, she was "heartbroken"   ) 

Over the course of the 6 year r/s I learned to read her emotional state & saw a mask come on & off.

It's as though she could keep up a "happy" exterior for appearances whilst all sorts of dark emotions were  seething & boiling below the surface. Yet at other times she would emotionally explode over the most minor things: ("Who was that woman who said hello to you at the mall? Why was she smiling at you like that?" 

How is it that they can stuff the really important emotional stuff under the carpet, yet feel no qualms about blowing up & crying over stuff like "it's raining & I just did my hair"?       

[vortex of confusion]

I've often wondered the same. My husband seems like a walking contradiction. On one hand, he seems almost stoic. He be completely emotionless about really important stuff but then be the guy that cries at the end of sappy movies. I can do something mean to him and he doesn't bat an eye. If I try to do something to help him, he is liable to get pi**y with me. If I forget to turn the radio down or off before I get out of the car and he gets in it and the radio is too loud, he will have a fit. I have to be so careful about some of those little bitty thing. But, he gets excited at the prospect of me having a lover. Nothing makes sense with him. He is out of touch with his feelings and supposedly holds everything back but at the same time has absolutely no brain to mouth filter. He can say the most hurtful things and when I try to call him on it he says stuff like, "I am just expressing my feelings. You complain that I don't express myself so I am just trying to express myself." Yeah, that puts me in an awkward position. Mine always seems to have anger bubbling up just beneath the surface.

[Gimme Peace]

Nothing makes sense with him. He is out of touch with his feelings and supposedly holds everything back but at the same time has absolutely no brain to mouth filter. He can say the most hurtful things and when I try to call him on it he says stuff like, "I am just expressing my feelings. You complain that I don't express myself so I am just trying to express myself." Yeah, that puts me in an awkward position. Mine always seems to have anger bubbling up just beneath the surface.

Yes, I've heard those statements too. . He'll say very hurtful things and when I react I get, "Why can't say what my feelings are? Why are you the only one who gets to be honest?"

Or he'll DO very selfish things... .i.e. come in and cook his own dinner, but not for anyone else and when he's called on it will say, "I'm just trying to be myself." He totally does not get that other people live here and it would be thoughtful to help with dinner on occasion. Totally defies logic.